Title: The Problem with Humans

Author: mzsnaz

Series: TOS

Rated: PG

Characters: Saavik, Sarek

Disclaimer: Star Trek is owned by Paramount and Viacom

Summary: Saavik and Sarek struggle to come to terms with Amanda's death.

---The Problem with Humans---

Two weeks after the Vok-Van-Kal memorial service that honored the memory and life of her friend and confidant Amanda, Saavik had a dilemma. Spock's protégée had been living at the family estate for several months: first, at the request of Amanda, and then at Spock's request upon his mother's illness and death. Originally, it was more out of a sense of obligation that she had agreed. Spock and Sarek's responsibilities to Starfleet and the Federation left Amanda alone at the estate most of the time, and neither Vulcan was pleased with that arrangement. The elderly human seemed delighted with Saavik's company, and before long, the thought of remaining on Vulcan as her duty dissolved. Spock told her that he had originally intended to remain planet side for several months after the memorial service, but his orders from Starfleet had interfered with that plan. She had agreed to assist with the everyday matters of the household until Spock's return. Living at the estate gave Saavik a home, which was something she had never deemed important in the past. Now, with the events of the last few weeks still uppermost in her thoughts, it was a revelation to her that she felt comfortable enough to acknowledge that she wanted to stay for personal reasons. Spock wanted her there, and she wanted to be there. While she would never presume to believe Spock's father, Sarek, gained anything from her presence, Saavik sensed an increasing need for her to temporarily watch after the Ambassador.

She observed with mounting consternation Sarek's restiveness, but nothing presented itself as a reasonable explanation even as it appeared to her that he wasn't sleeping at all. While Vulcans could go without slumber for many days at a time, rest was still essential. Over the past week, whenever she passed his private office, Sarek was there. Late one evening, Saavik found him still engrossed in some treaty details that were on his monitor, the blue screen glow the only light in the room. Saavik insisted that he attempt to rest in what had been deemed the master bedroom; however, after only thirty-seven minutes, she heard the hall door open as he left the room and entered one of the guest bedrooms. It was possible that Saavik had miscalculated. Spock's father seemed unable to find peace anywhere. As the faint light of a new day filtered through the house, she had hoped to pass the guest room and discover the Vulcan asleep; instead, he was already dressed and at work, his impeccably neat desktop carefully arranged for maximum efficiency. Frustrated, she left him alone and went to the place she had always gone to in the past for answers. It would be different this time, though. Now, the person who provided those often-enigmatic responses to her queries was gone, and Saavik keenly felt the loss. Amanda would know what she should do. Then again, if Amanda were alive, Sarek would probably not be behaving so irrationally. Pushing the paradox aside, Saavik went outside. Only moments later, with the diversion of work unable to hold his attention, Sarek left his office and made his way to the one place he'd not been to since his wife's death.

Sliding back the translucent door, he paused as a fresh assault of floral scented air filled his lungs. He nearly turned back. The memories assailed him...the work both he and Amanda had put into the garden to get it not only live, but also to flourish, in the barren desert environment...the initial work to create and arrange the garden space that eventually overtook the entire back half of the property...and, finally... Forcing that memory from his thoughts, he focused on the garden itself. How many times had he arrived home to find his wife working there, critically chastising some plant that wasn't 'behaving'? A slight sense of guilt struck him as he observed the wilted waneti flowers and lavender-tinted morning glories near the entryway. Instead of the healthy glow of vibrant colors, the garden appeared bleak and faded. In the past...eighteen days, fourteen hours and thirty-seven minutes ago...this had been Amanda's domain. Other than he and Spock, no one dared to care for or alter any aspect of the outside paradise. It was then that he heard the sound of rushing water.

As he walked along the main path, he passed several Shaforr trees that shaded the stone walkway. An ornamental sand garden located near a simple rock fountain at one corner of the house was his destination. After his wife's death, Sarek had shut off not only the shield that filtered the harsh Vulcan light that would otherwise penetrate the interior of the house, but also the irrigation system that took the wastewater from the estate, purified it, and sent it out into the garden for the plants. After more than two weeks, he could not recall his original reasons for doing that. It was no wonder that the plants were suffering.

As he approached the fountain, he stopped before being noticed by Saavik, her bent figure leaning over the fountain's brimming basin as she reached for the central tubing. It was rather obvious that she had turned the system back on, and he watched her with thinly veiled amusement as she struggled to get the fountain to operate correctly. Precious moisture was being lost at an alarming rate as the dry desert surface greedily drank in the overflowing water.

"Damn!" Saavik's fierce expletive bounced off the rough-hewn stonewalls that contained the multi-colored foliage within. This shouldn't be so difficult, she thought as she lost her grip on the hose that should be connected somewhere in the basin. She had piloted starships, and now a simple decorative item flummoxed her. The more she fought with the fountain, the more drenched she became.

Determined not to allow any further curses to emerge from the upset woman, Sarek crossed over to the fountain and found the discharge adapter. Taking the hose from Saavik, he said nothing about her saturated clothing as he placed the hose in the basin and over the adapter.

"Once the fountain has been turned on, the pump must be kept completely submerged," he quietly said with only a raised eyebrow showing that he had noticed her furious scowl. "Otherwise, it will be damaged."

As they worked, Saavik imperceptibly glanced over at Sarek. She noted that he had lost additional weight since Amanda's death. His wife's illness had already taken a toll on Sarek's weight due to his lack of interest in anything except Amanda's comfort. Saavik had prepared numerous meals for him since her death, but they had been left untouched. Since it was a waste to prepare foods that wouldn't be eaten, she had stopped the illogical act. It was difficult for her to know what to do. Saavik didn't wish to follow Amanda's example of preparing a meal and standing in the entryway of Sarek's office, arms folded as she leaned against the doorframe, waiting for him to join her. Saavik clearly recalled one occurrence when Amanda had waited for nearly an hour, impatiently tapping her foot the entire time. The couple had not said much to each other after that meal. Was it really going to be necessary for her to adopt a similar pattern of irrational, overt exasperation simply to get the Ambassador to eat?

The fountain was now functioning nearly as it had in the past, the water flow restored. Standing to inspect their work, Saavik again noticed the way Sarek's robe hung loosely on his frame. She had to do something.

"It is past first meal," she said with a tone of authority. "I shall prepare something for us."

"You may prepare something for yourself. I do not require sustenance at this time," Sarek replied as he gazed thoughtfully around the garden.

"I shall prepare something for us," Saavik restated with a slight emphasis on the word 'us'. Her dark glower of resolve was ignored as Sarek turned to walk back up the path toward the house.

"As you wish," he finally replied as he paused in front of one of the numerous rose bushes near the path. The drooping buds were a blackish-crimson shade and deeply creased even as the stems were pale and lifeless. "It may not be possible to salvage this one," the Vulcan sagely noted. He had developed the compulsory interest in the care of the garden at his wife's insistence. She had been worried about what would happen to the estate and its care upon her death. Perhaps her fears were not baseless, Sarek thought.

"It is illogical to take flora that is not native and plant it on alien soil," Saavik said, certainty ringing in her words. "I told T'Sai Amanda so, but she discounted my logic. She did not believe me."

"That is one of the countless tribulations one must face when dealing with humans, Saavik," Sarek said while carefully inspecting the other plants in the vicinity of the dying rose bush. "They do not listen to logic."

"That is true." Now standing next to the elder Vulcan, Saavik again thought about her last conversation with Amanda. It had seemed at the time to be yet another of their innumerable irrelevant discussions. Now, the Romulan hybrid wondered at its true significance.

"T'Sai, why do you have plants that are native to Earth here?" Saavik asked as she breathed in the heady aroma of the roses near the path. Amanda was seated on a bench nearby, a look of minor exasperation on her face.

"Saavik, for the last time, why do you always address me as T'Sai when you ask a question?" The mock sting of indignation was ignored as the elderly woman continued. "I've told you over and over again to call me Amanda, and you usually listen well. Your hearing is not impaired, is it?"

"No, T'...Amanda. I apologize." While her face remained impassive, Saavik's eyes sparkled. It was an old debate that never failed to get a reaction from her friend, and the young woman was pleased to hear a trace of the old fire in Amanda's voice. The spark had been missing for some time. "I call you T'Sai because that is your title. I am a guest at your home and wish to show you the respect you deserve. You are to be properly acknowledged."

"I have told you the proper way to address me," the human said. Saavik noticed the now perceptible trembling in the woman's hands. Also seeing the uncontrolled action, Amanda clasped her right hand over the left with a grimace. An uncomfortable moment passed, then a gentle sigh escaped. "Oh, Saavik," she softly said. "Look. You have so upset me that I'm trembling."

Saavik's brow furrowed as she considered what had been said. It was not her words that caused the visible symptom of the human's illness. Seeing the confused look, Amanda shook her head. "I'm not being serious. When will you learn to appreciate humor, my dear?"

"I... recognize it," the younger woman explained hesitantly, "I do not know why you would utilize it in this circumstance. To make light of a critical medical condition is..."

"Don't say it," Amanda interrupted. "Saavik, the reason I use humor in the worst of times is the same reason I plant roses in the desert. To do the expected bores me. Better than try to explain, just look around you." The young woman gazed upon the vibrancy of the outdoor scene as Amanda smiled. "If I didn't do the illogical things I do, none of this would exist. No Vulcan would waste their time and resources planting seeds from an alien world in their gardens. I do because, every once in awhile, one of those seeds takes root and grows."

It was their final conversation. That evening, Amanda's condition rapidly deteriorated and she died the next day. It was what happened that day that still bewildered Saavik and brought with it her natural inclination to discover the truth of what had occurred.

"Human behavior is difficult to understand," Sarek continued. "It is one of the countless mysteries of the universe how such illogical creatures survived and flourished." He returned to the fountain to readjust the water flow. The trickle of water increased its steady rhythm and surged through the tubing. A bubbling light spray now evenly struck the polished rocks from the apex and traveled between the crevasses into the basin.

"It is not only human behavior that I find difficult to understand," Saavik said as the adjustments were fine-tuned. "I do not understand why you shut down the shield and the irrigation system."

Long moments passed as Sarek appeared to be carefully considering both the fountain and the question. Composed, he drew himself up and clasped his hands firmly behind his back. "Saavik," he said with the authority she was used to hearing in council chambers, "you must understand that this garden is quite expensive and extremely difficult to maintain. I have not objected to your decision to restart the irrigation system; however, I believe it would be most logical to shut it down and allow the desert to reclaim its territory."

As her dark eyes swept around the walled boundary that held back the sands, she felt a sharp jab in her abdomen. She didn't want to see the garden lost, but Sarek was right. Logically, the garden space should not be preserved.

"I understand," the young woman said even as her thoughts raced to find a reason to object. "However, I have a question. If the garden were too costly and difficult to maintain now, I would presume that it has been that way from the beginning. Why did you allow Amanda to plant it in the first place? You must have estimated the odds of success prior to the first Terran plant being introduced."

"Originally, I believed that Amanda was going to plant using only native flora," Sarek intoned. Saavik noted the slight dip in his voice as he said his wife's name. "That would have been quite logical. I returned from a mission to discover instead an English crimson rose shrub surrounded by Yelas in the middle of the ornamental sand garden." Pulling his right hand away from behind his back, the Vulcan motioned toward a small grove of Shaforr trees. "It was located where the third Shaforr tree is to the left of the delphiniums."

"Did you tell her it was illogical?" Saavik queried as she tried to envision the rose bush and the Yelas where Sarek had indicated.

"No," he said, his commanding voice losing its usual power. "I told her it would die. It did."

They listened in silence to the sound of rustling in the topmost branches of the trees as several Lara birds discovered the lowered shield. With nothing further said, Sarek turned as if to leave. Saavik stopped him with a quick gesture of her hand.

"Sarek, I do not understand. If the first Terran plant died, why did you allow her to purchase more?"

She watched a fleeting twitch of the Vulcan's lower lip as he focused his intense gaze on her. "Saavik, did you ever tell Amanda 'no'?"

"Ah," she replied. That was explanation enough.

"She purchased numerous hardy Terran plants that were designed for a desert environment. Most of those died also, but a few survived. It took many years for the garden to develop and mature as it has." Pausing, he motioned for Saavik to join him as he walked up the path. "You will notice that the oldest plants are closest to the house. As the garden radiates away from the entryway, the plants reflect more recent additions. The ornamental sand garden has always been part of the property. It has not been altered in over seventy years."

Kneeling to pluck several stems of Theris that she would brew later for tea, Saavik decided to ask a question that she had previously thought to hold and ask Spock. "You do not have to answer if you prefer not to," she began, noting the slight rise of Sarek's right eyebrow at her hesitation and tone, "however, I do not understand why you brought Amanda out here when she was dying. The healers and I were most perplexed by your action."

Sarek gazed up at the edge of the walled space as Saavik waited for a reply. Finally, he took in a breath and spoke, his rich baritone barely audible over the sounds in the garden. "The healers had already announced that she was dying. There was nothing further that they could do and I was told that it was time to dissolve our marital bond. Yes, my action was perhaps not based on logic. It was based on what I believed Amanda would want. Do you believe that she would want to languish and die in a room surrounded by those she did not know?" His voice rose and then leveled as he continued. "That is why I brought her here and requested that you and our son remain with us."

Saavik tilted her head as she further recalled that day. Focusing her attention on a nearby bench, she could still see Sarek sitting there, the material of his robes nearly enclosing his wife in its folds as he held her on his lap.

"Spock, should we not be in the house? Amanda is dying," Saavik whispered. They were standing along the stone path several meters from the bench where Sarek sat with his wife.

"Nothing can change that fact, Saavikam. She has lived a long life. There is comfort in that," he concluded. Saavik narrowed her eyes as she considered his words.

"Death is never comforting. It is always a battle to fight to remain alive." An unfamiliar tightness in her throat threatened her ability to speak. "I would have thought Amanda was more of a fighter than this." The elderly human had not regained consciousness since late the previous evening. The healers had diagnosed the hemorrhagic intracranial vascular event and deemed its effects terminal. It would only be a matter of time until death occurred. Saavik had not believed the prognosis, but now there was no doubt. There was no hope left.

"Why would you believe she is weak, Saavikam?" The question fanned her outrage at the entire situation, and she glared at Spock with a steely intensity.

"She is not weak, but I didn't want her life to end this way! I cannot say how I envision the proper way to die, but to be unable to control one's fate..." She couldn't continue as she felt rage encircling her unanswered questions. Why had Amanda chosen this time to die? Why had she not lived long enough to be told that she and Spock were discussing the possibility of becoming bondsmates? Why was she not going to be there to consult with now that Saavik needed her advice? Spock put a calming hand on her shoulder.

"Her destiny was always hers to control." He gently turned the young woman toward the bench. For a moment, she thought that it was over. Sarek, eyes closed and a look of studied calm on his face, still tightly held Amanda, whose shallow breathing could just be discerned. Saavik could practically hear the unspoken thoughts flowing between them. Although she and Spock were not privy to what was being said or expressed, there was an unvoiced contact occurring between the two without the need for the severed Vulcan bond of marriage. That closeness and commitment was something she realized she longed for.

"Such an act appears to be based on emotion," Saavik softly said.

"It is. I believe it is what Amanda wanted." Sarek's dark eyes caught Saavik's gaze until she looked away. "I would do it again," he concluded with the confidence that Saavik hoped to achieve one day.

They had reached the glass door that led back into the house. Taking in the view for what she feared might be the last time, Saavik reached out and touched Sarek's sleeve. He didn't turn back, but paused at the door. Her action was exceedingly impolite and she waited for his rebuff. When none occurred, she spoke, her voice sounding strangely calm to her ears.

"We should not be taken aback by T'Sai Amanda's death. She once told me that she was bored by the expected. I suspect that she would be pleased to know that her life ended as unexpectedly as it did from a source not diagnosed until it was too late. I shall be here for several more weeks. Would it be acceptable to you if I took over the care of the garden for the interim? Upon Spock's return, once he has seen the garden for the last time, the irrigation system will be permanently shut off." Saavik waited for the negative response she expected. Using Spock's name in order to gain what she desired was disgraceful, but more disturbing to her was the thought of the desert closing in and destroying what had taken years to build. She had to attempt to save it, but it was not her garden.

"Saavik," Sarek began, and then stopped. She noted the way his back muscles had relaxed. Slowing turning his head, he arched an eyebrow at her. "Saavikam," he began again, and she straightened as the Vulcan continued. "The irrigation system to the garden will not be turned off. It would be illogical to destroy that which has taken so many years to create. You may also raise the shield."

Despite her training, Saavik felt a wave of relief and joy sweep over her and a smile found its way to her lips. It was swiftly quashed from her features as the solemn pattern that was acceptable on her adopted planet was reestablished. She nodded her agreement, unwilling to risk voicing her approval.

"Do you understand, Saavikam," the Vulcan said, the burden of some unknown weight apparently lifted from him as he changed the subject, "that humans have a tendency to cause tremendous chaos and disturb the equilibrium of those species with which they come into contact? They are impetuous, willful, emotional...far too emotional." Sarek slid the door to the house open as he continued. "Demanding, fearless, reckless, hasty...and my son is half-human."

"Yes, I understand." Saavik said as she followed him inside. "It is not possible to characterize them."

"Indeed," Sarek agreed.

"There is one flaw they have that is particularly irritating," Saavik added.

"What is that?" he asked as they headed toward the kitchen. It was long past first meal and nothing had been prepared. Saavik took the herb she had taken from the garden and placed it in a warming pot. Waiting for her response, Sarek gave his full attention to her. Saavik appeared mesmerized by the circling leaves in the container, and then raised her eyes to meet his.

"They do not live long enough."

Her words were the last spoken until after first meal was complete. That evening, Sarek entered the master bedroom and did not emerge until morning. At Saavik's request, once his duties to Starfleet were fulfilled, Spock returned to Vulcan with a carefully packed rose bush that took the place of the one that could not be saved. Watching it thrive gave Saavik a great sense of satisfaction. It was indeed time to take root and grow.

THE END