Title: Ring of Fire
Author: mzsnaz
Series: TOS
Characters: Amanda, Sarek
Rated: PG
Summary: Amanda has received a gift from Sarek, but is puzzled by the
timing.
Disclaimer:
A/N:
This story was inspired during one of our group discussions several months
ago. :)
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Personal journal entry - Stardate 2231.3
ShiKahr
Sarek gave me a present today. I know that I shouldn't be surprised, but
I am. Gifts have little significance for Vulcans except when they are
given at certain moments in one's life. Unlike humans, there are no set
dates for such occasions. I've not heard of a Vulcan receiving a birthday
or anniversary present, but I have seen gifts given after a personal goal is
reached or in honor of an impressive accomplishment.
That's what has puzzled me what have I achieved? What have I
accomplished that has caught Sarek's attention in such a way that he has deemed
it worthy of recognition? It's true that I've undertaken something that
has proven to be monumental in scope perhaps that's what the gift is
for. But why should I receive something today of all days?
Our child is still a month away from his expected due date, and I'm still in
awe of the medical advances that have allowed me to carry our son to full
term. It's been a day by day battle that has consumed every moment of my
life. Some days are easier than others. Today has been a good
day. Am I being rewarded for not complaining to the healers that I feel
more like a beached whale than a pregnant woman? Perhaps I've been
obsessive to a fault during this year, but I want nothing to interfere with our
son's progress and arrival. If the healers want me to remain in bed, I
shall do so, despite the stir crazy feelings that have plagued me for
months. If the healers had asked me to stand on my head for thirteen
months, I would have found a way to do it. Nothing is going to jeopardize
our child's life.
This brings me back to Sarek's gift. I open the simple black box and
remove the fragile metal ring from the soft velvet liner. The intricate
floral design that encircled it immediately caught my eye when I first saw
it. I can tell that it's a custom item, and Sarek confirmed that he had
it commissioned for me. I'm so touched by his thoughtfulness. An
uncomfortable moment came when I tried to slip it on my ring finger. Due
to the pregnancy, I have not been able to wear any of my rings because of the
swelling, and I assumed that my husband would have sized it to fit me at this
time. He did not. I asked if I could wear it on my pinky, but he said not to. In fact, he said that it
was not his intention that I wear it at this time that the ring was for a
time after his our son's birth. Why? He wouldn't say.
The ring is made of a dark metal that is reminiscent of the desert sands late
in the evening when the shadows lengthen and hide in the deep crevasses.
I know it's Vulcan metal, and that is something quite
surprising, too. Sarek has given me three pieces of jewelry
since we met, and all of them were of Terran make and design. Each piece
is precious to me because of the giver, but again the mystery of this new piece
intrigues me. Why a Vulcan piece now? I've been on Vulcan for
nearly three years. Why at this time? Why today?
Perhaps that's why the ring was given to me. I've been bored silly
reading the same books and watching the same holovids.
Even my most undemanding research projects have suffered because I become
restless and can't concentrate. Now, I have something to mull over a mystery
all my own.
The elaborate detail on the ring is absolutely amazing. I believe that if
I were able to examine it under a magnifier, every tiny leaf and stem would be
perfect. Again perhaps there's a clue in the fact that the flowers are
roses my favorite. Does the ring signify
love? That's a nice thought, but I don't think so. The exchange of
wedding rings isn't practiced on Vulcan, and I wasn't bold enough to ask Sarek
for a ring even when we were on Earth. Now, a little less than three
years later, I consider it a lost opportunity. He would have given me a
ring if I'd asked. Asking now would just be gauche.
I keep thinking back to those people on Earth who would remind me that 'only
fools rush in'. If I heard one more person say that I was naοve, I would
have screamed. But they were right I was naοve but I wouldn't change
a thing. There were so many people in my life that would have been happy
to see me fall on my face and make a complete mess of things, but I didn't do
that. Instead, I'm happily married and about to have a baby. What
more could I want? What more is there?
I'm back to square one. Why did Sarek give me a ring? I didn't ask
for it, although he knows I'm fond of jewelry.
He said it was commissioned, so it wasn't an impulsive purchase not that
Sarek is prone to do that in any case. He's methodical when it comes to
most anything, so this question of why shouldn't be hard to figure out.
Sarek should be home soon, and I know what will happen I'll ask about the
ring's meaning, and he'll tell me that it should be clear. I'll argue
that it's as clear as mud, and he'll say that further contemplation will offer
clarification. It's these little games that are sweetly aggravating, and
I know I'll play until the answer is given.
Staring at the ring offers no further enlightenment, and I place it back on the
black velvet. The flicker of light from the corner fire pot catches the
metallic finish. Closing my eyes, I focus on that light in a meditative
exercise in search of some insight that I'm missing. Gifts are given
gifts for achievements given for special reasons. The
light light that shines like Eridani, high above us a fiery orb that blasts
the planet and saps the inhabitants of moisture and strength. The
ring forged by a skilled artisan instructed to design the delicate piece from
the molten metal. Why a ring? I know the simple answer would be
that the ring symbolizes a never-ending love, but that's too trite, and Sarek
isn't trite. Vulcan metal Terran design. I cling to that thought
and expound on it. The ring is formed of the most common element on
Vulcan a copper based metal used for the majority of products that require a
metallic base. The design is one that Sarek knows I would
appreciate. So.
Vulcan interior Terran exterior. Is that
it? Is he trying to tell me that I've reached some level of control that
he wants to recognize? I doubt it. My meager
understanding of the Vulcan disciplines will probably never get past the point
of basic comprehension. A healer has entered the room I'll return to
this entry soon.
Journal entry resumed
All is well. The baby kicked during the examination, and I nearly came
off the bed due to the shock. He's been a very active baby through most
of the pregnancy, but things are pretty snug in there now it's rare for him
to kick in such a manner. The healer noted that I had some internal
uterine bruising that indicates the abuse our son has inflicted on my poor
insides. No problem I forgive him. I honestly can't wait until labor starts. No doubt I'll change my mind when it
actually happens! Everything seems to revolve around the pregnancy.
Everything.
And now now I think I have a theory to explain the ring. A quick
check and it's confirmed exactly one year ago today Sarek and I stood on the
ancestral grounds surrounded by Family. The Koon-ut-kal-if-fee the time of mating or challenge.
At the time I couldn't really think about the possible implications. I
only knew one thing Sarek's life was in danger, and I was the only one
who could save him. It's strange to me how the Vulcans have let shame and
secrecy overshadow what should be viewed as a medical
condition. I was fortunate to have someone explain it to me in a manner
that made sense pon farr is an illness with a cure, even if the cure is
somewhat outrageous. There is no reason to fear it, and there's certainly
no reason to be embarrassed. It's just a biological fact that can't be
changed. I knew Sarek was suffering from the moment I stepped forward
amidst the tinkling bells. He looked wretched, and I could sense the
disturbing images of fire and death that plagued his thoughts. He
believed he was going to die illogical, of course, but one in the grip of the
plak tow has no control over their reason. The
ceremony was mercifully brief, and then we were led to the place of
Seclusion. I've always maintained that the Vulcans of old had a sick
sense of humor the rooms were claustrophobic and
bleak not a place one would want to spend intimate time together. As
for what happens in Seclusion let's just say that it would have been more of
a miracle if I hadn't emerged pregnant.
Overall, what bothered me the most about pon farr was the inability to offer
any comfort in those first hours. There's no pleasure no closeness,
ironically because a Vulcan male in the grip of the plak
tow isn't interested in touch. I know that doesn't make sense. Let
me just say that Sarek was blinded by the desire to relieve the incredible
pressure exerted by the mating drive. All thought is essentially burned
away until only the most primitive of compulsions remain. Of course I'd
been told what to expect I just didn't realize how much it would hurt to know
that Sarek didn't see me as his wife at that moment. I was merely a
vessel a balm to end his pain and it was hard to ignore the animalistic
simplicity of that fact.
Another thing that troubled me was this if someone had challenged our
marriage and won, Sarek would be with them. Why I had such ambivalent
feelings didn't make sense to me. I know my feelings for Sarek. Oh,
he'll argue until the end of time that he doesn't have feelings, but I know
better. Still, there's something about the challenge that implies
worth. Am I worthy to be where I am? Would someone else be more
suited? Doubt damnable doubt. Is doubt still here? How
could it be when I'm waddling around like a duck carrying his child? Is
that what the ring is for? To reassure me?
To let me know the truth that he only wanted me?
I feel like I'm about to cry another hormone swing, I suppose. I'll be
back.
Journal entry resumed
I can't sleep. Sarek has been so good about relieving some of the
physical discomfort I've been enduring with neuropressure.
I'll wake him in a little while if I can't get comfortable. He's so
wonderful why was I upset earlier? I'm beginning to think that
pregnancy is a form of insanity or it's an endurance test. In either
case, I can't wait for it to be over. I've heard women say that they miss
being pregnant. What do they miss? The morning
sickness? The swelling? The indigestion? The loss of
modesty? I can't imagine being one of those women. Maybe
years from now I'll wax nostalgic. Right now, I just want to be able to
see my feet again.
Just as I predicted, Sarek told me essentially nothing this afternoon when I
asked about the ring's meaning. I've decided that my theory of
reassurance is right. It feels right to me, and sometimes intuition is
all I have to go on. The ring is to be worn after our son's birth as a
reminder of what we've endured together and, no doubt, what we'll endure in
the future.
Our son just kicked again. Maybe that's his way of telling me the same
thing. I'd like to believe that he's reassuring me, too, and telling me
that I'm right where I belong.
THE END