Title: MY CHILD
Author: Ster Julie
Series: Pre-TOS
Characters: Sa/Am
Rating: PG
Summary:
The Journal of Sarek and Amanda, chronicling their efforts in having a
child together.
--ooOoo--
Chapter 1—The Journal
AMANDA
I write these words in this new blank book, hoping that it is the beginning of
a saga with a happy ending.
After many discussions, Sarek and I actually did something today about having a
baby together. We met with the geneticists who will help us conceive a
child. I trust Sarek's selection of this team. He is a very good
judge of character, and each of these scientists seemed eager yet
ethical. I want a baby, a healthy baby, not some monster, not some
Frankenstein. These men and women understand this and they put me at
ease. It will be a lot of hard work, but it will be well worth it.
Our first step will be a complete physical. For me, it will mean a lot of
blood work. They will need to see if my body has enough of the nutrients
a Vulcan fetus needs to thrive. Second, they
will need to see how my body will tolerate taking the supplements that will
provide the fetus with enough Vulcan nutrients
without harming my body. Sarek and I have discussed hiring a surrogate to
carry the child if necessary, but I'd rather carry the baby myself. The
surrogate will be our last resort.
It is good that we are beginning this process now. They want me to collect a sperm sample at
Sarek's next pon farr. My dear husband didn't move a muscle at that news,
but he definitely blanched! Poor baby.
After my lab work is completed, the team will put me on fertility drugs so that
they can harvest several of my eggs.
They need to map my DNA, then use an egg which
has been emptied of its normal contents to hold the manipulated genetic
material from Sarek and myself. There's a lot more complicated scientific
"stuff" to the process, but, although I am a teacher, my specialty is
language and literature, not biology!
So, this is the beginning of a long journey for us. I am going to write
about the process in these pages. I hope I can convince Sarek to do the
same. Someday, when our child is older, we can share this book with him. Sarek already informed me that he would prefer
a boy. Me? I my only preference is a
healthy baby!
Here's to our dreams, here's to the future!
Chapter
2—The Exam
AMANDA
I never knew what the term "complete physical" meant before
today. I was poked and prodded in places I didn't know I had! There
were so many scans to take, so many samples to give, and so many questions to
answer. It was uncomfortable and tiring, but I am keeping my eyes on the
prize.
They were able to harvest my eggs today. I believe they found
eight. Imagine! Do you think that, if I produce a baby on the first
try, they will make more babies for us from what's left over? Oops!
I am counting my chickens before the eggs have hatched, now, aren't
I!
It is comforting to know that three of our team members are human, and two of
those are women. I don't know if Sarek picked them because they are the
best, or because he knew I would be more comfortable with them. Hey, they
could be Tellarites and Andorians, as far as I'm concerned, or even Denebian slime devils. I wouldn't care, as long as
they work together well as a group and put a healthy baby in my arms.
My Sarek. How did I end up with such a
sweetheart? I know that this baby is important to both of us, but he is
really going above and beyond the call of duty to make me happy.
I hear Sarek dragging himself up to bed. I wonder why they kept him
longer at the medical center? I can smell the
incense, so I know he will spend the next hour or more in meditation. I
cannot keep my eyes open, so I will close and leave this book and pen on his
side of the bed. Can my darling take a hint?
SAREK
Amanda has requested that I enter some thoughts into this book on our endeavor to have a child.
Today, as my wife has already written, was our physical examination. I
know that the team was able to harvest eight eggs from Amanda. I asked if
they could extract any viable sperm from me today, as opposed to waiting for my
next Time. I logically argued that, if we waited for me to be in pon
farr, Amanda could be in danger. I wouldn't understand what she would
have to do to collect this sample and I may hurt her. I also reasoned
that the team wouldn't have to wait until then to map out my DNA. They
reminded me that I would not be at peak fertility, but that would not preclude
them from examining me for viable sperm now.
I was not told how long, tedious and painful this procedure would be, not to
mention how invasive and extremely personal. But, as my cherished aduna has written above, I must also
keep my eyes on the prize.
Chapter
3—My Son
SAREK
I find that the residual pain in my groin from today's procedure is precluding
me from sleep, so I will continue to write in this journal until the cold pack
dulls the pain.
Amanda mentioned that I preferred to have a son. That is not exactly
precise. I said it would be more logical to have a son.
My clan is a matriarchy. After T'Pau dies, head of clan duties will pass
to the eldest born female in the second generation after her. That would
mean any daughter of mine would be eligible to be head of clan. However,
no one would accept a halfing as head of clan.
So, to prevent any such disturbance when that time comes, it would be logical
to have a male child. Someone else's daughter will have to lead the clan.
The cold pack is not working. I will settle myself into a light trance
until morning.
AMANDA
I awoke to find this journal between my husband and myself. So that is why the team kept him so long
yesterday. Poor baby! I hope he had the foresight to cancel his
appointments for today. That cold pack in his lap could lead to some
embarrassing moments for him!
So that is why Sarek wants a
boy. He thinks we will have a repeat of what happened after our
marriage. Well, it took a lot of work, but the family has deemed me
worthy of respect now. We'll have to teach Sonny Boy the same value of
hard work and determination.
Sometimes I wonder if we are doing the right thing. Sarek's hard part was
yesterday. My hard part will be the ten plus months I will carry this
child. But our little bi-species boy will have to bear the hardest part
for the rest of his life.
And how long will our boy live? Vulcans can live to be 250. Humans
can live to be 110, some 125 or more. Would we expect to average the
two? Guess?
I'm acting like our baby will even be viable. The genetics team has
certainly taken on a huge project. They said not to expect anything from
them for a few years. I was shocked! They said "a few
yeas," not "3.865 years." How imprecise! Sarek's pon
farr is due in three years, so the timing would be fine. I just hope that
we won't be disappointed at the end of this process. I just ache to hold
a little piece of Sarek in me, to place that warm bundle in my adun's arms, so
see myself reflected in a little boy's elfin face.
Oh, hurry, little one! Mama and papa are eager to meet you!
Chapter
4—Hurry Up and Wait
AMANDA
Well, the results of the lab work showed that I would have to start taking
several supplements so that my body can sustain a developing half-Vulcan fetus. I have been on them for eight days now.
I am already showing symptoms.
My skin has a fine rash. It doesn't itch, but I don't like how my skin
looks.
I now pee bright blue. What am I, Andorian?
My breath and my body odor are atrocious. In a
word, I stink! Sarek cannot
abide any kind of mint, not even Vulcan mint. Licorice
masks it well, but then I'd have to deal with its side effects. The only
scent that both Sarek and I can stand is clove. I think this baby will be
born with a hankering for pumpkin pie!
The team will run new blood tests next week and will adjust my doses if
needed. Whatever it takes! I want a baby and I want to carry it to
term!
Sarek translates the team's progress reports for me. All I know is that,
after four weeks, they have only mapped out eight percent of our genes.
It's a very slow and tedious process. I have to keep reminding myself
that this will take four years, at the very least.
This is definitely an exercise in patience!
SAREK
I see that Amanda omitted an important side effect of her treatments.
She is fatigued more so than usual. The heat and higher gravity is not
making this any easier. However, the team does not want her off planet if
necessary. Also, she is to take supplemental oxygen as she feels the
need. She says that the extra oxygen does relieve the fatigue
somewhat. As my aduna says,
"It takes the edge off."
I keep asking myself: are we being selfish in wanting this child? Is the
physical risk to Amanda's health worth it? Could we not instead take in some
orphaned or abandoned child to raise as our own?
It may come to that if we are not able to conceive. I will remind Amanda
of this alternative, but only when we run out of options.
AMANDA
I have not touched this journal for two weeks. The results of last's weeks blood tests showed that my supplements needed to be
adjusted.
After five days on the new doses I find that the rash is gone and is now
replaced by dry skin. I have yet to find a lotion, oil or moisturizer
that can alleviate this. I can just see a cloud of sloughed off dead skin
trailing me wherever I walk.
My body odor is less offensive, but my breath smells
like old fish, except when I chew on a clove. Then it smells like old
fish with cloves.
I now pee royal blue. *SIGH!*
SAREK
Cherished aduna, my heart. I do
not find you the least bit offensive.
We are already in the seventh week of this process. Remember the quote of
the Earth mystic Teresa of Avila: "Patient endurance attaineth to all things," or, as you say, "Keep
your eyes on the prize."
Remember that you are not on this journey alone. I am at your side
always.
Chapter
5—First Try
AMANDA
I'm so excited; I can hardly sleep! The team will combine our genetic
material tomorrow and make our baby! After giving the little bug time to
grow, they will implant me. The team has my cycle planned down to the
nanosecond, and five days from now will be the best time for my uterus to
accept an embryo. I'll finally be pregnant by this time next week!
The timing is perfect. I will carry this baby for the next ten plus
months (No one can give me an exact length of time for the gestation
period). That means the baby will be at least six months old before
Sarek's next Time. I will be healed enough, and the baby will be old
enough to leave with someone else. Some members of the team have already
asked to baby sit!
Sarek says I should not get my hopes up. I tell him I am "cautiously
optimistic." The team has only been working for two years when they
said it would take four to get to this stage. The mapping and genetic
manipulation went so smoothly. My little baby has been such a good boy
even before he's born!
Go ahead, Sarek. Say how illogical that last statement was!
SAREK
Aduna, I would not dare point out
what you yourself already know.
It is good that you are being cautious in your optimism. Experiments
involve trials and errors, and this is the greatest experiment you and I have
ever attempted, even more so than our marriage.
Whatever happens tomorrow, I will be there with you, at your side, never
parted.
AMANDA
So much for optimism . . .
SAREK
My cherished aduna has taken to bed,
no doubt crying herself to sleep.
The egg never divided. We all watched on a large screen as the two sets
of genetic material were introduced into one of Amanda's empty eggs. We
waited three hours for something to happen. Then the egg began to deteriorate.
The team has told us that they will have to start again from the
beginning. I sense that they rushed the process to accommodate my own
cycle. I have asked them to be more methodical and take an appropriate
amount of time. Money is no concern.
The team has asked to harvest fresh eggs from Amanda. They think that the
new eggs would be more conducive to accepting my genetic material since Amanda
has been on her regimen of supplements these past two years.
I will let her sleep for now and tell her all this in the morning.
AMANDA
I awoke with a headache, no doubt from all my crying. I found Sarek
sleeping just inches from me as if he wanted to be near to me but was afraid to
touch me.
Just listen to me—Sarek? Afraid??
I dreamed that he and I were not able to have children together, so we wanted
to hire a woman to carry Sarek's child. Problem is, no one would
volunteer to carry his baby then give it over to an outworlder
to raise.
What if we cannot have a child together? What if we are not allowed to
adopt one because I am an outworlder? I know
how important family is to Sarek, to all Vulcans. I don't even know of
any Vulcan families without at least one child. Will Sarek choose family
over me in the end? Will this be the end of Sarek and me?
Sarek has reached out to me in his sleep. No doubt my tears are
disturbing him. Either that or my maudlin thoughts.
Sarek's right about being cautious. Logical, too, for
that matter. Just because I
don't know any childless Vulcan couples doesn't mean there aren't any!
I'm going to close now and practice my deep breathing. Maybe that will
help me clear my addled brain and let me sleep.
Be patient, Amanda! Be patient!
Chapter
6—Unhappy Surprise
AMANDA
I have put this journal aside, as Sarek recommended. There has been
nothing much to report these past twenty months. I have kept on the
regimen of supplements. Sarek has passed through the Fires. The
team has been diligently plotting genes and planning our baby. I have
stopped talking to my little one and calling him pet names. It will make
the losses easier to take.
Yes, I have turned into a pessimist. I'm sure it was due to my unexpected
pregnancy after Sarek's recent pon farr, and my subsequent miscarriage. I
hadn't even realized yet that I was pregnant when, boom, it was over. The
team said that my pH levels were too high, that the embryo couldn't implant
properly. The team will have to monitor my pH levels closely when it comes
time to implant me. Great. That's all I
need, another exam, another pill!
My little baby, one that I made myself with Sarek, is gone!
-----
It is night time now. Sarek found me weeping over my last entry, so he
took me outside, placed a bowl of incense on a low bench, and led us in a
brief, yet very tender and poignant, memorial service for our lost baby.
It was exactly what I needed—closure. The bitterness and the pessimism I
have been experiencing lately was born heavenward with
the smoke.
My Sarek is so sweet and thoughtful. I am so blessed to have him, to be
his wife.
SAREK
My Amanda sleeps so peacefully now. Her mood has been so dark since we
found out about the miscarriage. I should have thought of the memorial
service sooner. She needed, we needed, to bid farewell to our child.
I find that pessimism does not become Amanda. It is so much against her
nature. It was difficult to see her suffer so.
The team estimates that we can attempt another try in six months time.
They say that they learned much from the first trial and they do not anticipate
failure.
However, if this attempt is not successful, I do not wish to expose Amanda to
any further grief. I will begin to look for surrogates myself. And
if I am not successful in finding a suitable surrogate, I will start looking
for a child to adopt. I must fill Amanda's empty arms. I must bring
the smile back to her face and the light back to her eyes.
Chapter
7—Desperate Times
AMANDA
Sarek's last entry brought tears to my eyes, tears of love and tears of
disappointment. I do not want anyone else carrying my baby. I know that sounds
so selfish, but it makes me feel like such failure. I am also entertaining the idea of letting
Sarek father a child with someone else and then adopting that child as my own.
But what Vulcan woman will allow her child to be raised by an outworlder?
The team will try to make a baby again tomorrow. Five days late, if all goes
well, they will try to implant the fetus again. I
have been going in for tests every day this week, followed by treatments to
balance my pH levels. Those treatments are making me sick. I haven't been able
to sleep much, let alone keep down much more than water.
Sarek doesn't say anything, but I see the concern in his eyes, hear the concern
in his voice as he tries to get me to eat or rest. Honey, it's not worry,
honest. It's these new treatments. I don't feel well now, but oh so soon, we
will hold our beautiful baby boy in our arms and forget about the difficult
steps on this journey.
SAREK
Anger!
I should be in meditation right now, trying to master, trying to rein in the
intense anger I am experiencing right now.
There was an accident at the labs, one that has nearly cost my dear wife her
life.
The equipment that they have been using to monitor Amanda's blood and pH levels
was faulty. She has been taking too high a dosage of supplements and that has
been taking a toll on her body. It is no wonder she has been feeling ill
lately. By the time she was examined using new instruments, her condition was
serious. She needed blood transfusions and various drugs to combat the chemical
imbalance.
The team assures me that the fault lies completely with the independent lab
they were using. If that is the case, why wasn't this discovered sooner by the doctors
on the team? Surely they could see Amanda's condition deteriorating!
I am ready to abandon this entire program and take a lirpa to the equipment! At
this point, I would rather have a healthy wife than a son. However, Amanda
would never forgive me if I made any decisions without her, so I will wait
until she is well enough to discuss this.
AMANDA
As I read Sarek's last entry, I understand why he has been prowling like a
caged lematya. Members of the team have been giving him wide berth. All it takes
from Sarek is one of his famous looks to get them to either leap into action or
get the hell away.
I still want to give it one last try. I feel like we have walked up to the edge
but have not yet taken that leap of faith.
I, Amanda aduna Sarek, promise not to ask for another chance if this attempt
fails. There, Sarek, you have my promise in writing. We missed the window of
opportunity for me this month, but as soon as I am well, I want to make one
last attempt. Just one.
Chapter
8—Cautiously Optimistic
AMANDA
I can't sleep. I am just too excited! Even after an enthusiastic
session of celebratory lovemaking with my beloved adun Sarek, I am all keyed up.
My dear husband is still in his meditation room, trying to master his
joy! I told Sarek that this is one time he should express his joy,
celebrate his joy, roll around on the floor with his
joy!
We made a baby today!
Well, the team actually made the baby, with our genetic material, of
course. And, ooh! I am so happy I can burst!
We made a baby today!
I'll never forget the moment for as long as I live. Sarek and I were
present in the lab, watching the big screen with the team members as the
genetic material (I wish I could think of another term! That just sounds
so cold.) was inserted into one of my emptied
eggs. The whole genetic soup just sat there for a good twenty,
twenty-five minutes thinking about what to do. Then we saw the material
begin to churn, and churn and churn some more. I sneaked a peek at Sarek.
His eyes were literally glued to the images on the screen. We waited
another five minutes.
"Come on, child!" I heard him mutter.
And after a pause long enough for a child to respond, "Yes, Father,"
the egg split!
Sarek froze, I gasped, and a few moments later, it split again!
Now, Sarek has never, and I mean never displayed affection for me in public
before, but at that moment, he turned to me and held me. I don't know if
he was trying to keep me from falling apart, or trying to hide his face from
everyone, or what, but he embraced me with all his heart and soul.
As I looked back to the screen, I saw the cells divide again. I remember
whispering, "Good boy. That's my good, good boy."
Now we have to wait five days, five long days until the embryo is large enough
to be implanted. Then I'll be officially pregnant!
Now, I'm the first one to admit that we don't know what will happen in the
coming days, the coming months. I have to be cautiously optimistic, both
for me and for Sarek. Anything can still happen.
But there is no way I am going to stop smiling right now.
Chapter
9—Another Scare
SAREK
My aduna Amanda sleeps finally.
It has been a challenging day for her, for us.
We attended the funeral of my great grandfather Spock today. I told
Amanda that it would be too difficult for her to be out in the heat for so
long. She insisted on taking her place at my side, standing with the rest
of the family. At the end of the lengthy walk to the gravesite, Amanda
asked if we might stop by the medical center on the way home. One look at
her pale face and I had us beamed over at once.
Amanda was bleeding.
The team members joined us at the hospital. They assure me all is well
with our son. He is developing within normal parameters. The
human doctors told me that it was normal to have some breakthrough
bleeding. To be cautious, however, they have restricted her from many
activities. Standing in the heat of day was the first to go.
Strenuous activity, such as the long walk we took up the steps of
She is holding me to that promise.
Amanda keeps asking me about names for our son. So far, I have
circumvented that issue. It seems that on Earth, the naming of the child
is left to the parents. On Vulcan, the clan names the child, with the
matriarch having the final say.
T'Pau will summon us once I have informed her of the Quickening. Only
then will she reveal the child's name.
Amanda, my heart, if you awaken and read this before I have the chance to tell
you, I apologize in advance for not informing you sooner. Remember
this: Our child is our gift to the clan. The name they give him
will be their gift to us. You can expect a name with dignity, meaning and
history. You can also expect a name that will reflect his dual
nature. I promise you, you will be satisfied.
AMANDA
I awoke in the wee hours and found the journal between us again.
Sometimes I wonder if Sarek doesn't use his written messages to tell me things
that might start an argument if he was to tell me outright.
Chicken!
Had Sarek dropped his little bombshell to my face, I admit that there would
have been choice words. But these two sentences, 'Our child is our gift
to the clan. The name they give him will be their gift to us,' melted
away any animosity. Sarek promised me that the clan wouldn't give him
anything without meaning and dignity. Well, my darling adun, I just hope I will be able to
spell it and pronounce it correctly!
I wonder if "quickening" means the same thing on both our
planets. I haven't felt any movement yet, but it is only the beginning of
my fourth month.
Chapter
10—The Quickening
AMANDA
We have just returned from T'Pau, and I really should
be resting, but I must put down my thoughts before I can even think of sleep.
To answer my own question, "quickening" means the same in both
languages. I think I nearly gave Sarek a heart attack, waking him up with
one of my shrieks.
I never saw him move so quickly before! He scooped me into his arms and
carried me to the door before the echo of my scream died down. I nearly
had to hit him to make me put me down! When he had me on my feet, I grabbed
one of his hands and pressed it low on my belly. Soon, he felt the
fluttering inside me (which to me felt like a trapped bee!)
And then, my beloved did something so beautiful! He dropped to his knees,
pressed his lips to the spot where the fluttering continued, and spoke words so
low meant only for our boy to hear. This went on for a minute, but it
felt like forever. I just kept rubbing Sarek's head, his shoulders.
When he finally got to his feet, Sarek took my face in his hands and let me see
the joy in his eyes. He said one word, "Amanda," but it spoke
such volumes to me—love, joy, hope, satisfaction.
I have to pause and wipe the tears again.
Sarek told me that we would need to call on T'Pau first thing in the
morning. We went back to bed; Sarek curled against my back, one hand
protectively over the baby. But even in this loving embrace, I found
sleep elusive. I was so curious (okay, and
apprehensive) about what name T'Pau would give our baby.
I needn't have worried.
It is traditional to give the first child born after the death of an elder the
name of the deceased. Now, I don't know if T'Pau had had this researched,
or if I had made some passing comment, but when it came time to reveal the name
for our son, she mentioned that she would be honored
to give the name of her grandfather to our child. She mentioned that it
was a famous Earth name as well. And many generations ago, an ancestor
with the same name was known as "The Great Bridge Builder."
This child of ours would be a great bridge between our two planets.
I nearly laughed out loud with delight when she solemnly declared, "Thy
child will henceforth be named Spock, son of Sarek, son of Skon."
T'Pau knew that I knew of the famous pediatrician of
the twentieth century, Benjamin Spock. It made me wonder what would
become of our boy!
Imagine! My son, the doctor! What a cliché!
So now I can start talking to my baby boy and call him by name. Sarek
says that this helps the baby know his place in the clan, know his place in history.
I thought that right now the baby would only be aware of heat, cold, sound,
touch and movement. Perhaps things are different with telepathic species.
My! Does that mean that the baby can sense my thoughts? Well, Precious, you certainly know that I love you and that we are
both anxious to hold you in our arms, to see your beautiful face, to feel your
warmth, and to see tomorrow in your eyes!
Chapter
11—My Days As a Whale
AMANDA
I am getting so big. No, huge, immense, gigantic, colossal, mammoth,
enormous! Some days when I am bored, which is often, I take my hand
mirror and watch the stretch marks erupt on the underside of my bloated
belly. My stomach looks like it's crisscrossed with red lines in the
shapes of lightning strikes.
I am not allowed out of bed unassisted anymore. Right, like I can get up
without help! Sometimes I feel like a turtle or a beetle on it's back, arms and legs flailing, trying to turn over, get
up, and get on with life.
Life. I remember life beyond these four walls.
Oh, don't get me wrong! Sarek has been a real angel. He has brought
me everything and anything I've requested. I have piles of tapes, books,
food and drink, etc, etc. For companionship I have Ee-Chiya
as well as one or more of the elder mothers. They have been bathing me
and feeding me in bed (not Ee-Chiya; the elder
mothers!). But when Sarek is home, he carries me to the tub and helps me
take a real bath. Then he gets the fragrant oils and gives me the most
heavenly massage. My darling really pampers me.
Speaking of the massage, I love how Sarek communes with Spock as he rubs my
belly. It's as if Sarek is massaging our son, too. I can't
"hear" anything through the link, so I don't know if he is
communicating telepathically with the baby. If he is, I haven't been able
to eavesdrop. Perhaps Sarek is letting his touch do all the talking.
Ooh! Being in bed is beginning to be a real strain. I want to see
how my garden is surviving without me. Sarek hired groundskeepers, but
most of the plants I have put there are non-native. I know when to water
them, how to trim them, what's normal for them and what is not. I just
know that the garden will be either overgrown or dead by the time I can get
back! I want to see outside! I want to sit and play my piano!
I want to hear the grandfather clock chime the hour!
Keep you eyes on the prize, Amanda! Keep your eyes on the prize!
Chapter
12—Coming to Term
SAREK
My Amanda is anxious to give birth. We have waited far longer that the
normal gestation time to have a baby. There were the three years that we
tried on our own, followed by one disappointment after another as the team
created this child for us. Then the actual time of pregnancy for my wife,
and all the limits that has put on her, on us.
I wish I could capture this moment in time. Although my cherished aduna will refute this, I think she has
never been more radiant. Amanda has ripened to the fullness of
femininity. She is at her most powerful, even though she feels helpless
right now. She is Life Giver, Bearer of Hope, and I find myself wanting
to worship at her feet.
Yes, I will be the first to admit that my writings here are full of
emotions. To refute this would be illogical, and to try to deny, suppress
or master these emotions would be fruitless. I am married to a Human wife
with emotional needs. I must walk a fine line to keep Vulcan decorum yet
keep my aduna content.
Amanda has created an interesting nest around her in our bed. There are
copies of all the images taken of Spock in utero at
her bedside. We both agree that he favors T'Pau
more than he favors either of us. I wonder if
the team did that intentionally?
Amanda is stitching something called a sampler that incorporates both Standard
letters and Vulcan runes. There is a vase of flowers from her garden on
the side table, as well as some of her books, food and drink, lotions and other
personal items. I wonder how she can rest in the midst of all that clutter?
As I write this, she moves restlessly in her sleep. I sense that she will
awaken soon and I will have to see to her needs.
Spockam, my son, as soon as you can understand, I
will teach you that, although your mother is different from other Vulcan
mothers, she must surely be the strongest and most courageous woman we will
ever know.
Chapter
13—Mountain of the Second Life
[Author's Note – WARNING: If you
didn't like the birth in a cave scene that was in ST5, you might not like
this. But I am one of three people in the world that actually LIKED ST5, and it's my story. So there.
But seriously, gentle reader--I tried very hard to make the cave thing
work. There are a few dichotomies working here, so even if you hated ST5
and all that it stood for, please give this story a chance!]
AMANDA
I am exhausted, but I cannot sleep. I'm too excited to sleep.
Now, where have I heard that before? I have written that sentence, or one
just like it, so many, many times before in this
journal. But tonight, I have a new reason to be excited.
The baby is in position! He has engaged and I will give birth sometime in
the next two weeks! I will be able to hold my precious boy in my arms
soon and look into his beautiful little eyes, feel him curl his fingers around
one of mine, know the wonders of feeding him at my breast. Come soon,
Spock! Be a good boy and come soon.
SAREK
Amanda is already asleep and does not know the news.
Ancestor Spock's wife, T'Pserca, wishes to die.
It is permitted one so ancient to choose the time of death. She has asked
for a clan gathering tomorrow where she will bid us all farewell then follow
her husband into the second life.
I should not be parted from Amanda's side at this time. Neither should
Amanda be out in the heat, climbing the steps of
However, T'Pau insists that we both be there. It would dishonor the memory of the one whose name has been bestowed
on our son if we were not in attendance. She says she will send her
attendants to carry Amanda. However, I will not have my wife carted about
by litter-bearers like an aged matriarch. If we go, I will have the two
of us beamed over to the site, bid our farewells, then return.
I cannot risk the lives of my wife or our son.
AMANDA
You know, this planet has made so many discoveries and
advances in the fields of science and medicine. They were able to provide
a team that created the great miracle of a child for Sarek and me.
And I give birth in a cave?
Sarek and I had to attend the transitioning service for dear old T'Pserca. Again, it was out in the heat, up the many
stairs to
So T'Pau sent her burliest attendant who picked me up in his tree trunk arms
and carried me up the mountain. Sarek was livid, but he kept a stiff
upper lip for the sake of decorum. I was deposited on a couch in a shaded
grotto. Burly Guy stayed with us but at a respectful distance, ready to
carry me forward when our time came.
And when our time came to say goodbye, it felt like the meeting of Mary and
Elizabeth in the Bible. Except it was the child in my
womb that leapt when T'Pserca laid her hand on my
belly.
And then my water broke.
And then all hell broke loose.
Burly Guy carried me back to the couch I had used earlier, only this time it
had been pulled all the way into a cave. Sarek was not about to have me
this birth this baby in the presence of the whole clan.
One of the High Priestesses was also a midwife. Thank goodness, because
when Spock decided that he was coming, there was no stopping him!
So there is the midwife/high priestess, adorned in all her temple finery,
sitting at my knees, waiting to catch Spock who couldn't get out of me fast
enough.
Standing to the side was my husband, adorned in all this clan's finery, looking
as resplendent as a prince on coronation day. Until I
looked at his face.
When Sarek is overcome with emotions, he clamps down on his control and goes
all über-Vulcan. And not only had he lost
control of himself, he had lost control of the situation. Plus he had
every single last one of the clan hovering nearby and had to save face.
Sarek did not appreciate my screaming.
Well, my darling husband, the day when you can pass a twelve-pound watermelon
out of your anus without screaming will be the day I start giving birth in
silence.
I swear it only took three or four pushes, but soon I heard the beautiful sound
of our little Spock taking his first breath and announcing his presence to the
universe.
The high priestess (I never did find out her name!) took Spock over to present
him to his father.
"Sarek, your son," she announced.
Sarek and I have already had several discussions about the first words our
little, longed-for boy, heard from his father: "So
human."
Sarek claims that it was just his shock at seeing all that red blood covering
Spock, or the shock of the baby's blue eyes and blonde hair. I assured
Sarek that that will all change. I was a towheaded baby, and my hair
darkened with time. All human babies are blue eyed at birth until the
pigment in their irises settles into the final color after six weeks.
The way Sarek spoke, I was afraid that he would reject the child outright, but
I couldn't have been more mistaken. The two are inseparable. After
it was okay for me to be moved, Burly Guy carried me back down the mountain to
a waiting air ambulance (Sarek had informed the team at some point, but I don't
remember when that was). Sarek carried Spock down himself. Of
course, this was after he paid his last respects to T'Pserca.
She actually put her frail arms out to touch Spock and bestow her blessing on
him. I wish I had been able to witness that in person, but Sarek has let
me see it a few times in his memories.
As we drove away from
Surely this is an omen of something, but what?
Chapter
14—One Journey Ends, Another Begins
AMANDA
When I started this journal over four years ago, I entitled it "The
Journal of Sarek and Amanda, chronicling their efforts in having a child
together." And now that journey has ended and a new one has begun.
As I write this, I espy my very staid husband holding our beautiful son on his
knees, enthralling Spock with some sort of story or legend. It must be in
Old High Vulcan because I can understand not one word. All I hear are a
bunch of names.
I asked Sarek what he was telling Spock just now. He informed me that he
was telling our son of his place in history. Sounds
like he was reciting the "begats," the
genealogy. Hmph. Well, I'll just have to look up my own family tree
and get equal time!
Ee-Chiya was properly introduced to our son when we
finally returned home from the circus that was Spock's birth. It is
amazing how very gentle this lumbering creature can be. He gave this new
cub of ours a good sniff, then took up his place as
sentry at the foot of Spock's crib. Ee-Chiya
comes in handy, too! He always is the first to inform us when our darling
needs his diaper changed.
There is only a page left in this book, so I will leave room for Sarek to
"have the last word," as it were. I'm glad that we both wrote
our thoughts and our feelings (Yes, feelings, Sarek!) into this volume.
This was a journey we took together. It was long, and it was hard; at
times it was frustrating and even frightening. But as I look at my little
boy now snuggled contentedly in his father's arms, I know it was well worth it.
I look forward to the new journey we are beginning. I want Spock to
thrive, to grow into a person with the best of both worlds. I want to
experience with him each new discovery. I want to see him grow to
adulthood and to someday know the ecstasy of holding his own sweet child in his
arms.
It's my turn to hold Spock as Sarek gets the last word. I love you,
Spock!
SAREK
When I look into your eyes, my son, I do not see the arduous trek Amanda and I
took to get to this moment in time. As I look into your eyes, my son, I
see not the past but the future.
I have told you of your ancestors. You come from a long and noble line of
peacemakers, all the way back to Surak. May their wisdom guide you your
entire life.
As your father, I am duty bound to keep you safe, to keep you warm and fed, to
educate you and teach you an honorable trade.
It is my desire that you will one day work at my side as we foster peace in our
galaxy.
I will give you the tools you need to first foster that peace in yourself.
Only when you are at peace can you bring peace to others.
Thrive, my son. Grow in peace and prosperity. Come to me when you
are in difficulty and I will see you through it. Come to me with your
questions and I will help you find answers. Come to me with your
discoveries and we will learn together. Come to me for solace or for
celebration. Never fear to come to me, little one.
This book is now at an end. When the time is right, your mother and I
will give you this journal. Please forgive my emotionalism. Perhaps when
you are a father, you will understand how your logic can be uncertain where
your children are concerned.
Mene sakkhet
ur-seveh, Spockam.
End My Child