Your Hand in Mine

Rating: PG-13 (injury of character)

Summary: Sarek learns one of the many values of touch in a rather painful lesson.

Disclaimer. I don't own the characters.

Note (for group's eyes only, please remove for archive copy):

This is a challenge response. Saidicam and I are usually 'long story' writers but we decided to try short but complete stories like many of the authors in this group are so well capable of writing. So we searched for challenges and each of us got one (by throwing the dice) and had one week to write it. This is one of the results. Enjoy.

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Your Hand In Mine
 by
T'Sia

Sarek stared down at his hands. He moved his fingers and felt the synthetic skin that still covered his palms stretching and giving an uncomfortable tug at the places it connected with what was left of his own skin. He turned his hands. They were so strong but – how could they have failed to hold her? Why had she been yanked out of his hands and possibly out of his life? But his silent questions didn't receive an answer. He looked past his fingers and the seams between the synthetic floor tiles disappearing under his wheelchair reminded him of the tracks his young wife had almost lost her life on and his mind fell into the past of the last twenty-four hours.

According to Amanda's wishes they were going to spend the day visiting a place located in a rather high-levelled European mountain area while one of the frequent conferences preceding the grand event of the founding of the United Federation of Planets had been postponed due to the delayed arrival of one delegation party. After weeks of rain and snow in the area, the day provided them with what Amanda called 'the perfect weather'. The sun shone from a crystal blue sky and bathed the partially snow covered city into bright light. Although the beams were warm enough to make the wet streets steam slightly they were still too weak to be able to warm the atmosphere to a comfortable level. So the air was clear but crisp, Sarek noticed when they left their hotel.


Amanda climbed the steps to the old train platform. When she reached the top she stopped and turned. She was indeed beautiful, Sarek silently mused while he took a moment to observe her from the foot of the steps. She wore a thick parka that hugged her petite form tightly. A long shawl was wrapped several times around her neck to protect against the prevailing cold in these early spring days. Her blue eyes glistened and she tucked a strand of light brown hair behind her ear. The breeze coming down from the mountains whirled it back into her face. "Damn hair," Amanda muttered, not seriously angered though.

Sarek seemed to ponder her comment for a moment and then he nodded. "Indeed," he said softly.

Amanda's eyebrows shot up. "What? Hey, you weren't supposed to agree."

"In fact, I did not agree to your statement."

"So what did you agree to then?"

"I agreed to a statement your father made regarding Terran women and hairstyles. He posed the theory that they are never satisfied with the way they currently wear their hair. You previously complained that you do not like to wear your hair in the Vulcan style, yet you seem also dissatisfied when you wear it loose. Your father's theory is, therefore, proven correct, at least as far as his daughter is concerned."

Amanda laughed wholeheartedly. "He told you about 'bad hair days', huh?" She shook her head and smiled while she pictured that talk. The cold breeze ruffled her hair again and she saw Sarek bristling briefly in the cold air – time to get out of the wind. She held her hand out to him in silent invitation.

He climbed the steps but did not join his hand with hers. Amanda tilted her head slightly but she understood that even in this rather remote area the gesture of skin against skin was too informal for a Vulcan – even if she was his wife. She laughed in delight when he offered her his robe covered arm instead, just like the fine gentlemen in old holovids did.  

"Thank you, sir," she said with a bow. She giggled when she noticed his raised eyebrow and then linked her arm with his. Together they strolled down the platform at a slow pace. Amanda noticed her husband glancing at the railroad tracks. "What?" she asked.

Sarek slowed his steps even more and tilted his head so that he could look down on her. "I fail to see the logic in using this rather antiquated way of travel. We could beam up to the village."

"But that wouldn't be as much fun," Amanda replied.

"The term 'fun' seems to encompass a variety of different meanings each time you use it. This changeability makes it impossible for me to grasp its implication. Please specify."

"Well, first I would miss the many envious and curious stares I receive with this stunningly handsome man by my side." She chuckled when Sarek gave her a mildly annoyed glance. Vulcans would never understand the human habit of focussing on outward appearance. Or so they said. She just wondered why it was then that she caught Sarek looking at her with an almost wistful expression once in a while - just as he had done only moments ago. *Of course* he would deny having admired her but it made her smile inwardly. But now was not the time to tease him further about it. "And second," she continued quickly to change the topic, "wait until you see the wonderful panorama of the mountains during the trip up. It'll be worth it, I promise."

They turned when the low whining sound of a vehicle powered by electricity announced the immediate arrival of their transport. The train glided almost soundlessly into the station and came to halt beside them. They entered and took their seats. As Amanda had promised, the sight of the rich green forest they passed and the rocky, but sometimes snow white mountain caps beside their route was indeed worth the time and credits spent on the trip.

While Amanda sat eating the pasta she had ordered for lunch she could barely believe how lucky she had been today. The conference had been postponed, therefore providing some free time with Sarek, and the best of it was that he had insisted on leaving the personal guards behind after having agreed to wear an emergency beam out transmitter in case they got into trouble. The weather and sights outside were breathtaking just like her company, she silently mused while she studied the sharp profile of the Vulcan across the table.  He had a serene look on his face and by his relaxed features she could swear he enjoyed the trip also. When he noticed she was watching him he turned his head away from the panorama. Suddenly shy about admiring his features so openly Amanda busied herself with her meal. She jumped lightly when the bond fluttered in her mind and he sent her a tender impulse. She'd never thought Vulcan couples communicated so much over the bond, and her communication with Sarek must even be limited in comparison to the connection between two telepaths. No wonder they didn't feel the need to touch often in public. Nevertheless, it would still take some time for her to get used to the lack of physical touch in exchange for the mental connection.

Sarek studied his young wife and was inwardly amused about her rather clumsy effort to reciprocate the sensation he had sent her. She would learn. If there was one thing he had never any doubts about since they had decided to bond was their compatibility. She would learn.

The landscape was changing from forest to rocky terrain now while the train was climbing slowly towards the culmination point of the route. As a result of the heavy rain and snowmelt of the last weeks, grit, stones and sand had to be removed from the tracks and lay in fresh piles beside them. The phenomenon didn't seem odd to them and since the dining car had only a few passengers, they talked about the upcoming conference and the consequences of its result for the founding of the United Federation of Planets. 

After Amanda had finished her meal they paid and left the dining car. Sarek faltered briefly when he thought he detected increasing vibrations in the train. Since he had only limited knowledge about the construction of this train, however, he could not logically know whether this phenomenon was usual for such a means of transport or not. Nonetheless, part of his mind automatically monitored the sensation while he dismissed his immediate concern and continued to lead the way back to the front cars. Amanda followed him having not even noticed that he'd stopped briefly. 

Directly ahead the tracks rounded a sharp mountain corner, causing the train to bend sharply. Amanda yelped when the ground moved beneath her feet while she crossed an elastic connection between two cars. Alarmed Sarek turned and caught her hand to stop her swaying. She smiled at him. "No worries, I just lost my balance for a second," she said. He nodded and loosened his grip on her. 

In the same moment the slight vibrations that had earlier passed through the train increased rapidly. Sarek's head spun around to face the mountain side as if he could instinctively know where the danger was coming from. And then he saw it – a massive avalanche consisting of rock, mud and snow thundered down the flank of the mountain. In a matter of seconds it had reached the train and hit the last three cars. Humans screamed and metal shrieked when unstoppable forces twisted and tore the elastic connections between the cars until the downward momentum of the avalanche pushed the last two of them off the tracks. The pull of the engine dragged the third car forward and sparks flew when it slid off the track, only the elastic connection to the first two railway cars dragging it along. The train was already slowing with the help of emergency brakes but the sounds of tearing metal were a dark foreboding for what was to happen to the third car. 

All this seemed to happen in a split second. Amanda stood paralyzed. She couldn't move. She felt the steel beneath her feet giving away and she could already see the sparks flying through the cracks where the wheels ground against the metal of the tracks. She looked up and for an instant her gaze locked with Sarek's. Both moved and extended their hands to grab one another. But only their fingertips touched briefly when the connection between the cars finally gave way to the tearing forces.

Sarek felt the tips of Amanda's fingers brushing his and he gritted his teeth in wild determination and lurched forward to get a better grip on her. But he only managed to grab the first phalanx of her middle finger. It was not enough to hold her and her fingernails scratched his hand when the car dropped away beneath her feet. She slipped out of his grasp with a fearful scream. Horrified he watched her falling back into the car which finally slid off the track completely and went down the flank of the mountain like the other two had before, tumbling and overturning out of control. 

. . . Sarek realized he had squeezed his eyes shut, the agony of the mental pictures still too much to bear. Consciously he unclenched his jaws and opened his eyes. He saw that he had also balled his hands into fists while reliving the horrifying accident. Blood trickled between his fingers when he carefully relaxed them.  

Fortunately the medical assistant who pushed his wheelchair seemed to have missed the loss of control. Sarek closed his eyes briefly to collect his strength for what he was about to face. He had insisted on seeing his wife even though she was in ICU, still fighting for her life. She had been one of the few survivors of the third car but had suffered severe injuries. People who had been in the last two cars never had a chance of getting out alive. The avalanche had not only knocked the cars down the steep mountains but it had also buried them. Briefly he saw himself stumbling down the rock and grit covered mountain side towards the car that had yanked his wife away from him. The bond was deadly silent. But he could feel that Amanda was not dead. Devoid of the ability to feel pain, he had fallen; cut his hands and knees; had gotten up and to the car; had torn away steel plates with bare hands. Several other people had followed him down to the third car and dragged the living and the dead out of the crushed vehicle. Despite the cold and the blood that trickled from his hands he had not been able to stop searching for his bondmate, clinging to the fragile lifeline that still connected him to the mind of Amanda – until he found her.

In stunned silence he had stared down at her bloody broken body, unable to do anything. Only when the others climbed in beside him, he was able to touch her and bring her outside. His emergency beam out transmitter was nowhere to be found; he must have lost it during his half running, half falling descent. They had had to wait twenty point six – or had it been twenty point eight minutes, it did not matter, it had been too long – before a shuttle had arrived to take them to a hospital. Amanda had to be resuscitated three times during the flight… but the effort had been worth it – she lived. But for how long? The doctors had not been able to tell. Why could they not? What was all this advanced technology for if it failed to save the life of his wife or warn the train of the coming avalanche? What was all his Vulcan strength for if he failed to hold his wife? If he had just continued to hold her hand the way she had offered on the platform he would have been able to hold her. But he did not – it was not the Vulcan way. He had loosened his grip and he had lost her.

His mind returned to reality when the door to the ICU opened. Beeping instruments and monitors assaulted his ears and the noise seemed to grow louder the closer he was wheeled to Amanda's bed. He did not recognize her, for the person in the bed seemed to be wrapped in surgical dressings from head to toe. A respirator also covered almost all of the dressing-free places of the patient's face.

The medical assistant advised him that he would be back in ten minutes, the maximum visiting time for such a critical patient.

Sarek barely registered the man's words. If he had not insisted on seeing his wife he would not have been able to visit her at all. It did not matter to him how long he could stay, if he could just see her. The mental bond was so weak that he somehow needed the physical confirmation that she still lived. But his forehead furrowed as soon as he was alone. Was this really his wife – his Amanda? The image of the vivid young woman standing on the platform with the sparkling eyes and the wind in her hair flashed through his mind only to be replaced with the unchangeable and fierce reality. The image blurred and he stared at the patient and the surgical dressings – even her hands were covered.

He had been informed about her injuries beforehand, still it was almost beyond his control to look at her and not gasp in the same agony she must feel. She had suffered extensive abrasions, a broken leg, a broken arm and a broken collarbone. But worst of it were the abdominal injuries and the brain swelling due to a severe concussion. She had been in surgery twice already but nobody could say whether she would live or be the same again even if she woke up. The brain still held too many secrets to be sure, even with these advanced treatment methods. Again it struck him how useless these high tech machines were. If Amanda's body should decide to give up there was nothing that could be done. The thought chilled him and he pushed it away. He spotted a free place of skin just below her left cheekbone and extended a hand to touch her – the same hand that had failed to hold her and spare her this suffering. A tremor went through him and he had to summon his controls to compose himself.

Carefully his fingers touched her skin and the warmth of her tissue amazingly calmed him, telling him she was still there – with him – on a level that was beyond mere rational comprehension of facts.

Aduna, he sent over the bond and for an instant he thought he felt a weak response.

~*~

From then on he returned to her bedside each day, even though his schedule barely allowed it. His logic told him he could do nothing for her but something let him know this was not true, although he failed to understand where this knowledge came from. Two weeks after the accident Amanda was awakened from the artificial coma she had been placed in. She needed another week to wake up on her own and to open her eyes. The first thing she became aware of was the face of her husband hovering over her. The mental connection fluttered briefly to life and before he could conceal it she felt all his hopes and pain of the last weeks. Tears filled her eyes – tears of pain and tears of love. She felt his hand carefully holding hers and in this moment she knew what he had not yet realized – he would never again fail to hold her.

THE END