THE
JOURNAL
By
Lynda M. King
May
21st
Not wanting the headlights of the air car announcing her late arrival, she had him drop her off at the end of the long driveway. The walk would give her time to organize her thoughts and prepare her defense. Her father was going to kill her.
Exactly one month after her sixteenth birthday and already she had broken the new curfew her parents had established. And on a school night. Amanda hurried through the darkness toward the house wondering about the possibility of sneaking in without being noticed and getting away with the infraction.
Circling around the
back of the house, Amanda crept through her mother’s elaborate garden. The patio door was her targeted point of
entry. No one would be in the kitchen
at this hour.
The lights were
dim. Sliding the heavy glass door open
and closed behind her, she slipped into the deserted kitchen. With the soft ‘click’ of the latch, she was
safe. Amanda let out the breath she had
been holding.
“Mademoiselle
Amanda?” a voice asked.
Amanda jumped. Turning, she saw the woman who had worked
for the Grayson family since before she was born. “Dinny!” she gasped, startled.
“You scared me to death!”
The French woman
glared at Amanda. At twenty-one, she
had accepted the position of au pair that the Grayson’s had offered her and
moved from France to the United States.
Helping Marion Grayson with the mothering of all six of her children,
Dinny’s child rearing duties ended when Amanda herself had grown into a
beautiful young lady. Now she assisted
Mrs. Grayson with whatever tasks were deemed necessary during the course of any
given day. A twenty-six year veteran of
the Grayson household, Dinny Cherrell was family.
“You were supposed to
be home an hour ago, no?” Dinny asked.
She stood with her hands on her hips, a formidable individual, her
serious stare drilling holes through Amanda.
Looking at her shoes,
Amanda sighed. “Oui,” she admitted,
forlornly. “Je vous en prie, ne dites
rien a Papa!” she pleaded, meeting Dinny’s gaze. “I promise I won’t break curfew again.”
Dinny paused. “Never again,” she said firmly. “Now upstairs to bed before someone with
more authority than me notices you just got in, oui? She smiled slightly and winked.
“Merci, Din,” Amanda
whispered. Moving closer, she hugged
Dinny tight.
Dinny returned her
warm embrace. “Now scoot,” she scolded
gently.
Amanda scurried out
of the kitchen.
****
“Marion!” he yelled,
shattering the stillness. There was no
reply. “Marion!” Arthur Grayson yelled
again. He was in the library and
irritated as hell. Amanda could hear it in his voice. Melting into the shadows in the front foyer near the stairs, she
held her breath and silently watched as her mother made her way from the living
room to the library.
“Must you shout?”
Marion asked her husband.
“I need to talk to
you,” Arthur said. The seriousness of
his tone suddenly made Amanda extremely nervous. Her father slid the library doors closed. Letting her breath out, she slowly crept
closer. Standing just outside the
library, Amanda eavesdropped on her parents.
“I don’t want Amanda
to see Hal Greenberg anymore,” Arthur said.
“Why?” Marion
asked. “He seems like a nice boy. His family is certainly well respected in
the community.”
“I just don’t,”
Arthur said adamantly.
“Well that’s not good
enough, Art. You’re going to have to
explain to your daughter why she can’t see the boy she’s sweet on.”
“Me?” he asked,
innocently.
“Yes, you,” she said
firmly. Arthur met his wife’s
stare. “So tell me,” she began, “what
is your reasoning behind this sudden paternal declaration?”
He paused. “First of all she’s only sixteen.”
“Nice try, Art, but
you and I were dating when we were sixteen.
That certainly isn’t going to fly with Amanda. Especially since the Sadie Hawkins dance is coming up in two
weeks.”
Knowing her mother
was a secret ally, Amanda smiled.
“We were seventeen,”
Arthur corrected.
Marion rolled her
eyes. “Barely and just look what
happened to us. A house and six
children later and here we are.” She smiled softly.
“Do you think she’s
going to end up marrying Hal Greenberg?” Arthur Grayson actually feared the
possibility. He wondered if any man
would ever measure up to his impossible standards. Amanda was his only daughter!
“Oh, Arthur, no, of
course not,” Marion said. “But that’s
beside the point. It’s much too early
for you to be worrying about who Amanda might choose to marry.” She narrowed her
eyes. “What do you have against Hal
Greenberg anyway? He’s polite, respectful
and seems to adore your daughter. What
more could a parent possibly hope for?”
“He has no ambition,”
Arthur said simply.
Marion sighed. Her husband was being ridiculous. “He’s only sixteen, Art.” I don’t recall you
having much ambition for anything other than kissing me when you were sixteen,”
she chided gently, smiling at the memory.
“Seventeen,” he
corrected.
“Barely,” she
reminded him again.
Frustrated, he
struggled for a legitimate reason.
“He’s a rube, Marion! And I
don’t want her to see him!” It was a lame argument and he knew it.
“What? He doesn’t hang out at the country club like
he should?”
Amanda giggled at her
mother’s response. Her father was
silent.
Marion stood her
ground. “Oh, Art, this isn’t about Hal
Greenberg and you know it! This is
about Oscar Greenberg.”
“Oscar?” he asked
innocently.
“Yes,” Marion said
with conviction. “His firm stole four
accounts away from yours and beat you to the punch on the Grossman deal.” She
held her husband’s gaze. “You lost one hundred
and sixty-five million. And that, my
dear husband, is not Oscar’s fault or his son’s. It’s yours.” Arthur Grayson was silenced by the truth. “Are we done here?” Marion asked.
Amanda disappeared up
the stairs and into her bedroom.
****
She lay on her bed
with the journal open before her.
May 21st:
I overheard mother and father arguing tonight. Daddy called Hal Greenberg a rube.
Rube: an
unsophisticated rustic.
My boyfriend is not!
And so began Amanda
Grayson’s fascination with words.
****
July 6th
They stood together
in the doorway of the living room.
“Mrs. Grayson, Mr.
Grayson.” The tall, skinny young man wearing faded blue jeans and a simulated
leather jacket greeted Amanda’s parents.
He was bald.
They sat in matching
wingback chairs, sharing a single light between them.
Marion looked up from
her cross-stitching. “Gary,” she
acknowledged warmly.
Arthur looked up from
the daily news report he was reading, his attention redirected from the words
on the padd to the boy in his living room doorway. Only his eyes moved, his line of sight shifting slightly up and
just over the top rim of his glasses.
Gary could feel Mr.
Grayson’s lethal stare. The tiny hairs
on the back of his neck rose. The
silent warning was explicit and completely understood.
The boy held his
daughter’s hand.
“Where are you two
off to? Marion asked her daughter.
“The City,” Amanda
said. “The Jenerators are playing at
Stella’s on Bleeker Street down in the West Village. We’re going to meet friends for dinner, first.”
“The Jenerators?”
Arthur asked, still staring at Gary.
“Gary’s band,
Daddy. Bass player, singer. Remember?”
Gary smiled
sheepishly.
Arthur raised his
eyebrows.
“Coming home or
staying?” Marion asked.
“The band doesn’t go
on until midnight, so we’ll stay.”
“Midnight?” His tone
was that of an over-protective father.
“Daddy…” Amanda
pleaded, embarrassed.
“Where?” her mother
asked.
“At Miguel’s
apartment on West 13th Street.”
Her father’s eyes
narrowed. “Miguel?”
“Gary’s band,
Dad. Miguel’s the drummer. He also sings. Then there’s Dave—singer and percussion, Tom—lead guitar, and
Bill—guitar, harmonica and lead singer.” Amanda couldn’t believe her father.
“Aren’t there any
girls in this band?”
“Art!” Marion shot
her husband a warning glance. “Have a
good time, darling,” she said, winking at her daughter.
Amanda smiled. “We will, Mom.”
“Mrs. Grayson, Mr.
Grayson,” Gary nodded.
And they were gone.
Arthur looked at his
wife. “Was he bald?” Marion was
silent. He paused. “When did she hook up with Stockdale’s boy?”
Marion had resumed
her cross-stitching. “She met him at
some party last month.”
“Is it serious?” His
tone teetered on the edge of genuine concern.
“I think it’s just a
summer thing. He’s a junior at
Princeton.”
“A junior?!” His
voice raised an octave. “Isn’t he a bit
too old for her?”
“Arthur,” Marion
chided.
He paused. “A rock band?” he asked.
“I believe so.”
“Well, at least he’s
enrolled at Princeton. Maybe it’s just
a phase…”
And Arthur Grayson
began to seriously wonder if a year ago, he should have been a bit less
critical of his daughter’s former boyfriend, sixteen-year-old Hal Greenberg.
****
Nine o’clock was an
obscene hour to be up on a Saturday morning.
Especially since she hadn’t actually gone to bed until five. Amanda looked up. Taking a deep breath, she began to climb the seemingly infinite
number of steps toward the great wooden doors of St. Aloysius Catholic Church.
Pulling the heavy
door open, she slipped quietly inside.
It was a majestic
cathedral. Amanda’s eyes adjusted to
the softer light inside. The only
illumination was the natural sunlight streaming in through the radiant, tall
windows that rose from the floor to the ceiling of the cavernous
sanctuary. The spectacular panels were
a symphony of brilliant stained glass.
And the magnificent rose window took her breath away.
When filled to
capacity, the expanse of wood pews accommodated a congregation of over 800 at
any single service. Amanda could smell
the ancient pine. Built in 1802, the
architecture of the old brick and mortar church was amazing, having withstood
centuries of the elements. Even after
the big shake of the 21st Century, the original cornerstone was
still in place. And the altar was
glorious. Gold and Italian marble. Behind it, a massive, wooden cross,
suspended by cables, hung from the ceiling.
The tabernacle itself was adorned with diamond, tanzanite, ruby, emerald
and carnelian stones. Tiny flames of
hundreds of lit votive candles flickered in one corner. There was a choir loft, a magnificent pipe
organ, an antique grand piano, and bells.
The Sunday morning peeling of bells from the tower calling the faithful
home was a remarkable sound.
Amanda’s gaze shifted
to the exquisite, marble statues—sculpted renditions of Jesus, the Virgin Mary,
and young Saint Aloysius himself.
A boy, who was a
model for all Catholic youth, St. Aloysius was filled with love for God,
remorse for his sins, and a desire for purity of mind, body, and heart. Suddenly Amanda found it extremely ironic
that she was about to acknowledge her sins in this particular church.
She moved toward the
confessional booths. Suddenly the air
felt chilled and she shivered.
Opening the door to
the tiny confessional, Amanda closed it quietly behind her and knelt down. Making the sign of the cross, she took a
deep breath. “Bless me Father for I
have sinned. It has been two weeks
since my last confession,” she began.
“I used the Lord’s name in vain six times. I was out smoking and drinking with friends last night.” She paused.
“And I had sex with my boyfriend.”
His breath caught in
his throat; she heard it.
Amanda sighed
heavily. Why she told the priest she
had no idea. Maybe it was because she
was tired of the proper Catholic girl image she had been taught to project her
entire life. Or perhaps she was tired
of the image of what being a Grayson supposedly meant. Maybe she had simply wanted to shock Father
O’Mara. She was defiant and bold, a
rebel without a cause. It seemed she
wandered, searching for herself.
Whatever the reason, there was no going back.
For one brief
instant, Father Thomas O’Mara was speechless.
Her revelation stunned him. The
young lady in the shadows whose confession he had just heard was from a
well-respected, prominent upper class New England family. Arthur and Marion Grayson’s youngest; their
only daughter. Father O’Mara had
baptized her himself seventeen years earlier.
Members of the Grayson family were pillars of the community; loyal,
generous, upstanding parishioners of St. Aloysius’ congregation for well over
one hundred years. “Amanda Jane
Grayson,” he began, “are your parents aware of your current activities?”
She inhaled
sharply. The fact that he had said her
name out loud was unconscionable!
Amanda couldn’t believe it.
While she knew that he knew who she was, he wasn’t supposed to reveal
it! That he had divulged the personal
information was simply unthinkable. She
was shocked.
His silence was
suffocating. Amanda said nothing.
“One should not take
the Lord’s name in vain,” Father O’Mara began.
“While drinking in moderation is not a sin,” he continued, “one should
not indulge if the minimum age requirement necessary to do so legally is not
met. The act of smoking is also not a
sin. However, again, there is a minimum
age requirement that must be met in order to do so legally. It is a proven fact that smoking is
detrimental to one’s health. Unless you
possess a death wish, it is my recommendation that you cease immediately.” He
paused. “As for engaging in intercourse
with your boyfriend, it is, quite simply, against the teachings of the
Church. Intercourse should be reserved
for the sanctity of marriage. A sexual
relationship at such an early age is an enormous undertaking. Are you committed to your boyfriend? Is he committed to you? Would you be able to handle the emotional
difficulties that would arise in the unfortunate event that you were to become
pregnant as a result? If you broke up
with your boyfriend? Or, God forbid, you
were to seek an abortion? Are you
prepared to deal with the possible consequences or your actions?”
Amanda bowed her head
and was silent.
Father O’Mara took a deep breath. “Your daily life is your temple and your religion. Whenever you enter into it take with you your all.”
She started at his
words. Father O’Mara had quoted Kahlil
Gribran’s The Prophet. Her
oldest brother Wils had given her the antique book for her sixteenth birthday.
“Your penance shall
be the recitation of six Hail Marys, two Glory Be To The Fathers, seventeen Our
Fathers and to read First Corinthians chapter thirteen verses four through
eight and thirteen.” Father O’Mara paused.
“I also want you to tell your boyfriend that you love him. And to honestly mean it when you do so. That is all, my child.”
Amanda sighed. “O my God, I am heartily sorry for having
offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of Thy just punishments, but
most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who are all-good and deserving of
all my love. I firmly resolve, with the
help of Thy grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.”
“God, the Father of
mercies, has reconciled the world to Himself through the death and resurrection
of His Son, and has poured forth the Holy Spirit for the forgiveness of sins,”
Father O’Mara said. “May He grant you
pardon and peace through the ministry of the Church. I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, Son, and
Holy Spirit.”
Making the sign of
the cross, Amanda stood and exited the claustrophobic confessional. She should have felt relieved and
joyous. But she didn’t feel pardoned,
peaceful or absolved. Amanda opened the
heavy wooden door and exited St. Aloysius Catholic Church. Stepping out into the bright sunlight, she
slowly began the long climb down the infinite number of steps toward home.
****
The garden was dark and mysterious. Amanda sat on the back deck listening to the songs of crickets and tree frogs. It was a balmy summer night. The scent of her mother’s many roses drifted on the air and she breathed deeply. Shadows from the dimmed yard lights danced across the pages of her journal...
July 6:
The air has been
chilly between us. If I’ve noticed it,
I’m sure Gary has, too.
I went to confession
today. Father O’Mara said that he
wanted me to tell my boyfriend that I loved him. And to mean it when I said it.
What the hell kind of penance is that?
Karl Marx said that
religion was the opium of the people.
Is it? Does it really matter
that I’m dating an atheist? Or is that
what I find exciting about Gary Stockdale?
The fact that he’s brave enough not to believe? Am I on the road to agnosticism?
And who is to say
what a sin is, anyway? How can a
religion dictate what a sin is? Isn’t
sin personal?
I think a sin is
something you feel guilty about doing.
I have fun with
Gary. Why should I feel guilty about
having sex with him?
1 Corinthians,
Chapter 13: If you love someone you
will be loyal to him no matter what the cost.
You will always believe in him, and always expect the best of him, and
always stand your ground in defending him.
All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end,
but love goes on forever. There are
three things that remain—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is
love.
Amanda stopped writing abruptly and stared at the words she had just written. Was that what she truly believed?
Suddenly a wave of guilt washed over her. Not because she had had sex with her boyfriend, but because she had and didn’t really love him.
****
December
20th
The estate had a
festive air to it. Tiny white lights
and evergreen wreaths with red bows adorned windows and doors. There was music. The scent of pine and cinnamon spice mingled in the air. Flickering illuminaries glowed
everywhere. Snow flurries glistened and
danced in the reflected light as the gentle wind whispered along the now barren
branches of trees, showering the area with their winter bounty. Stars glittered overhead. The moon washed the scene in a silvery
light. It was a splendid night, a
perfect setting for a Christmas party.
Everyone who was
anyone in the Inter-Stellar Diplomatic Community would be at the gala. It was the
hottest ticket in town. Philip B.
George, the President of Harvard University, certainly knew how to throw one
hell of a holiday party.
Early arrivals were
enjoying refreshments and the orchestra as they mingled with one another. Late arrivals crowded the entrance to the
mansion. The grounds were alive with activity. Black limosines lined the driveway.
“Look at those
dinosaurs,” Amanda said, gesturing toward the vintage autos. “They belong in a museum.” She stood beside
her friend. Having a roommate who
worked in the President’s Office as the University’s official event coordinator
was most definitely a perk. Amanda’s
name was always on the guest list.
“The limos?” Leslie
asked. “Come on, Amanda, where’s your
sense of tradition? Your romantic
side? I know you’ve got one in there
somewhere,” she teased. The two friends
laughed. “It’s great fun, Manda. All kinds of gadgets. And you can see out, but no one can see
in. That alone lends itself to all
sorts of interesting possibilities.” Leslie nudged her friend
suggestively. “Ask Edward to take you
for a ride sometime. He’s
connected. I’m sure he could arrange
it.”
Amanda shook her
head, grinning at Leslie’s enthusiasm for the antique vehicles. “And just how do you know about limousines,
Oster?” she asked.
“I’ll never tell,”
Leslie said coyly.
Amanda laughed. “Personally I think a horse drawn sleigh is
much more romantic. The sound of
harness bells is glorious,” she said dreamily.
“So, get Edward to
hire a sleigh.” Leslie winked. “By the
way, where is the illustrious Mr. Ward this evening, anyway?”
“I came alone.”
“Really?” Leslie
asked, surprised. She had never known
her friend to attend any event alone.
Amanda had been on the arm of Daniel Auschlander at Boston University’s
Medical School’s Winter Galaxy Ball. Or
rather, Daniel had been on hers… Todd
Martens had invited her to Harvard Law School’s soiree two weeks ago. Edward Ward had accompanied her to Boston’s
Repertory Theatre holiday opening just last Friday. And Leslie knew that Jack Cooper was dying to date her. There was certainly no shortage of eligible
bachelors willing to escort Amanda Grayson anywhere. She always had a date
for a party.
“Yes,” Amanda said
simply.
“Really?” Leslie
asked again in disbelief. “Why? I
thought you and Edward were serious.”
Amanda met her friend’s
questioning gaze. “I wanted the
freedom.”
“I see,” Leslie
said. But she knew exactly why her
friend had come alone. Leslie
paused. “Well, he did RSVP, so I’m sure
he’ll be here.”
“Who?” Amanda asked
innocently.
“You know who. Your sweet misery, that’s who. Mr. Aloof and Coolness. I can’t believe that you’re seriously
entertaining the idea of hooking up with him.” Leslie shook her head. “But hey, if he doesn’t show, two ravishing
single women like us will have no problem finding dance partners. All night long.” Leslie turned with a flourish.
The strapless emerald green satin dress she wore hugged her body. The straight skirt molded itself to the tops
of her thighs when she walked. The slit
up the left side, almost to her hip, showed a beautiful expanse of leg when she
moved or sat. A fall of gorgeous red
hair cascaded loosely down her back.
“You look exquisite,”
Amanda said.
“So do you,” Leslie
replied.
Amanda’s midnight
blue and silver gown covered her left shoulder in a braiding of silver lame and
satin that blended into an intricately woven design in the bodice. The straight blue skirt, embroidered with
Paquin crystal star beads, shimmered when she moved. Like Leslie’s, there was a slit up the side, revealing an expanse
of thigh that Amanda did absolutely nothing to hide. A diamond and sapphire necklace and earrings sparkled in the
light, completing the illusion.
“Well, it looks like
the boss has finally arrived.” Leslie pointed to the flock of well wishers
gathered around President George as he stepped out of his limo. Three more pulled up. “Duty calls,” she said, motioning toward the
cars. “Shall we escort them in, Miss
Grayson?”
“Most certainly, Miss
Oster,” Amanda replied, smiling. “It
would be my pleasure to assist.”
Giggling, the two
friends moved toward the limos.
“I’ll take this one,”
Leslie called. “You take the next,” she
directed.
Amanda stepped up to
the car.
With an air of quiet
sophistication, he stepped out of the limousine, his brown eyes catching sight
of her.
Amanda’s heart seemed
to stop when she saw him.
“May I escort you in,
Miss Grayson,” he asked formally before she even had the chance to offer him an
escort herself.
Her unique dress was
stunning. He noticed the brilliance of
the star beads that were embroidered onto the shimmering material. They glinted in the moonlight when she
moved. Her beauty amazed him and the
degree to which he found her esthetically pleasing was immeasurable. The sapphire gemstones she wore matched her
sparkling blue eyes.
While she had most
definitely seen him at several events over the past three months, Amanda had
never really talked to him. Brief
introductions and simple, more often than not, unspoken acknowledgments of each other’s presence from across a
room were all that had actually passed between them. She wondered if she’d even be able to sustain an intelligent
conversation with him if the opportunity ever presented itself. He was mysterious and alien. The sound of his mesmerizing voice sent
chills down her spine. She found him
extremely attractive and longed to spend time with him. And he had remembered her name! Willing herself calm, Amanda nodded
graciously. “I would be most honored,
S’haile Sarek,” she replied formally.
He was most impressed
by her use of the proper Vulcan title for a male when she greeted him. They had met previously at the Andorian
Embassy where she had inadvertently addressed him as ‘Mr. Sarek’ upon their
brief introduction. He had found her
error to be illogically charming at the time.
Stepping away from
the car, he uncharacteristically looped her arm through his.
It was as if an
electric current surged through her body when he touched her. Amanda inhaled sharply at the thrill, his
action taking her by complete surprise.
She knew that it was not customary for Vulcans to touch anyone. However, he
had initiated the contact with her. She found his action exciting.
Her fragrance
reminded him of Navarian violets, one of the rarest of all flowers in the
galaxy. For one brief moment, Sarek
relaxed his mental shields. Brushing
her mind with his, he experienced an intense tingling excitement that seemed to
rush through her. It appeared that he was the cause and he found the
sensation most interesting. Then, so as
not to invade the privacy of her mind further, he politely raised his
shields.
Together they walked
toward the mansion.
****
Sarek had spent the
entire evening socializing with various guests and dignitaries. While outwardly attentive to everything that
transpired around him, inwardly he had been calculating the odds of
encountering her among the sea of aliens in attendance at the gala. She was a most intriguing human being.
He caught sight of
her from across the room. She stood
alone near the towering, decorated evergreen tree, watching the couples gliding
effortlessly across the dance floor.
Only his eyes betrayed the extreme gratification he experienced. No other male presently engaged her in
conversation. Quietly, he made his way
through the crowd.
“Would you care to dance, Miss Grayson?” he
asked politely. Sarek of Vulcan stood
beside her.
“S’haile Sarek,” she
said, turning. His question surprised
her. She hadn’t seen him on the dance
floor the entire evening. In fact, she
hadn’t seen him at all the entire evening.
And now he was standing right beside her! Amanda knew Vulcans were touch telepaths. That fact alone suddenly made her extremely
nervous in his company. But he had asked her. Certainly he was aware
that he would have to touch her in order to dance. The opportunity to spend time with him suddenly presented
itself. She took a deep breath. “Do you waltz?” Amanda asked sweetly.
“After a fashion,” he
replied.
Sarek knew the waltz
had been the scandal of 19th Century English society on Terra. Never before had a man and a woman danced
publicly in a virtual embrace.
Fortunately the grace and beauty of the waltz was noticed, and English
society, so quick to denounce the dance, eventually embraced it. Sarek also knew the composer Johann Strauss
was credited with the persistence of the waltz in mainstream ballroom
dancing. His fast paced compositions
eventually paved the way for the quicker Viennese style that followed. However, in the United States, the waltz
tempo had slowed, forming a smoother and more graceful gliding dance with a
gentle ‘rise and fall’ motion. Sarek
found the fact that the waltz endured as the oldest of ballroom dances on
Earth…fascinating. It was perhaps the
best loved of all dances by humans.
“I would love to
waltz with you, S’haile Sarek,” she said.
Sarek started at her
reply. While he indeed knew of the waltz, he most certainly did not
know how to waltz. He suddenly realized that he had grievously
erred in his choice of verbiage. His
statement was illogical and he had no idea how to disentangle himself from the
web of inaccuracy he had just woven.
Unable to fathom why he had indicated to her that he possessed the skill
to waltz, Sarek attempted to re-order his thought process. Vulcans did not lie, but he had most
definitely exaggerated the truth. He
was uncertain whether or not a single attempt
at waltzing with the daughter of the Prime Minister of Vendore during a
previous social engagement qualified him to say, ‘after a fashion’. The Prime Minister’s daughter had asked him to dance. Proper protocol dictated that he graciously accept the young
woman’s invitation despite the fact that he was not skilled in the
activity. The experience had proven to
be disastrous. It had been a very
private social engagement on Vendore and Sarek was quite certain that no one
had actually witnessed the debacle. As
to why he had replied ‘after a fashion’ in response to her question, ‘do you
waltz’? Sarek had no logical explanation.
The movement of the
dancers across the floor appeared to be simple. Having spent the entire evening observing, Sarek knew the waltz
was unique, the only ballroom dance written in ¾ time. There were three beats to each measure,
counted as ‘1-2-3’ or ‘quick-quick-quick.’ And there were three steps of equal
duration per measure, with the hesitation being the exception. The lead foot of the male partner of the
dance couple alternated with each measure—left-2-3-right-2-3. And it appeared that waltz combinations were
written in a series of six steps.
While he most
definitely understood the basic mechanics of the dance, in all truthfulness,
Sarek did not waltz. However, he had just asked her to dance. And the
orchestra was indeed playing a waltz.
Amanda saw a fleeting
apprehension flash briefly in his soft, brown eyes. Suddenly realizing that he was no doubt just beginning to
comprehend and learn the many Terran customs and traditions he was experiencing
while on Earth, she smiled warmly. It
was not her style to embarrass anyone—ever.
“I’ll lead,” she whispered, graciously.
Amanda Grayson had
quite clearly rescued Sarek from his own loose tongue. For that small act, he would be forever
grateful.
He noticed her
excitement and enthusiasm for the harmonious sound that drifted lazily though
the air. It appeared she possessed a
deep appreciation for this particular composition.
“Johannes Brahms’
Waltz in A flat,” he said. “Opus
thirty-nine, number fifteen, is it not?”
“Why yes, it is,”
Amanda said, amazed. She was most
impressed that he knew the piece of music the orchestra played. “It’s my favorite
waltz.”
She radiated
happiness and appeared to smile easily, the eloquent expression softening her
delicate facial features. Sarek found
the gesture most pleasurable.
“Shall we?” Amanda
asked.
He knew that graceful
and beautiful dancing could be achieved through a gentle but definite lead
coupled with a sensitive and responsive follow. It would be her responsibility to set the rhythm, decide which
steps to use, and to control the direction and progression of their movement
around the dance floor.
“I shall trust you
regarding our navigation around the room,” Sarek said simply. And with those words, Amanda took his right
hand in hers.
In that brief
instant, his control slipped. He raised
an eyebrow at her refreshingly cool touch.
Her breath caught in
her throat as she felt the heat of his skin against hers. His spicy scent was alien and exciting.
She was fine-boned
and petite, her height 1.625 meters or 5’ 4”, he observed.
He was tall and lean,
maybe 6’1”, she guessed.
With her left hand,
Amanda held his right arm at a ninety-degree angle to her body, at her eye
level. Reaching up, she placed her
right hand slightly beneath his left shoulder blade. She nodded encouragingly.
Sarek placed his left
hand stiffly near her right shoulder.
She could feel the
tautness of his muscles. “Relax,” she
whispered softly. “Just follow me.”
Her brilliant blue
eyes were captivating. Taking a deep
breath, Sarek of Vulcan consciously forced the tension from his body.
And they began to
waltz.
With a gentle push, she moved him backward. With a gentle scoop and pull with her fingers, she then pulled him to her right. With another gentle pull, she moved him toward her. And with a gentle push with the heel of her hand, she pushed him to her left, expertly compensating for his lack of experience and ability. Together Sarek and Amanda moved gracefully among the other dancers.
Their close proximity
and his physical contact with her jolted him, the melange of her raw emotions
overwhelming his senses. The
multiplicity of her thoughts and the speed with which they shifted in her mind
was staggering.
Reaching out, Sarek
briefly touched her essence, the powerful tendrils of her feelings wrapping
themselves around him. He was
spellbound by the whirlwind of her emotions:
love of the music and waltzing; delight that he had asked her to dance;
anticipation of learning his language and discussing his alien homeworld and
culture; longing to share a meal with him and to walk the grounds of her family
estate in his company; hope of forging a friendship; desire to join with him in
a kiss; fear of making a fool of herself in his presence; and wonder of where
the journey of her life would take her.
Sarek was
fascinated. For two minutes and
twenty-one seconds, her thoughts and feelings thrummed through his mind,
completely engulfing him. Marveling at
the complexity of her thought processes, he attempted to analyze each of her
feelings as they swirled past him. Her
mind enthralled him. It was
intoxicating.
And then it ended.
The music stopped.
It had been the most
stimulating sensory encounter Sarek had ever experienced.
“Thank you for the
waltz, S’haile Sarek,” Amanda said warmly.
Letting go of him, she broke the physical contact between them.
Sarek silently
thanked A’Tha that she could not read his mind. Mentally breathless, he raised his shields. “You are welcome, Miss Grayson,” he replied
politely. “It was indeed a most
pleasurable experience. I hope I did
not injure you in any way during the course of our gambol.”
Her delightful
laughter enveloped him. It was a
pleasant sound. “No, of course not,”
she assured him. “You can’t be afraid
of stepping on toes if you want to go dancing.” Her sapphire eyes
sparkled. “You follow well,” she
whispered.
Sarek bowed his head
in acknowledgement of her praise.
“Actually, you were
quite good,” she said. “You just need a
little practice to perfect your technique.” She smiled. “All it would take is a few lessons. It would be my pleasure to teach you,” she
offered.
Sarek raised an
eyebrow. “Indeed,” he replied.
Amanda met his
questioning gaze. “Privately, of
course,” she qualified. She smiled
again and noticed that he did, too.
With his eyes.
At that very moment,
Sarek of Vulcan decided to dwell on the possibility of meeting her again.
****
Amanda sat in the
living room, curled on the sofa, a glass of white wine on the coffee table, the
journal on her lap. It was quiet except
for the fire. The burning logs snapped
and popped in the hearth. Sipping the
wine, she began to write...
December 20th:
When I was sixteen, my father thought I’d marry a rival investment banker’s son, Hal Greenberg. Lady Jane Grayson and her ‘rube…’
When I was seventeen, he feared I’d become Mrs. Gary
Stockdale and travel the galaxy as a roadie—the wife of a rock star.
The summer of my eighteenth year, he fretted I’d move to Paris after having met Jacques Louis Brideau at the beach house. He had a yacht on the French Riviera.
Since I’ve been at Harvard, I haven’t met anyone really
special. Daniel Auschlander is
sweet. Todd Martens is a lot of
fun. Eddie Ward has money. And Leslie tells me Jack Cooper is dying to
take me out.
Ah, Leslie Oster, my roommate. She’s a love. The Event
Coordinator for the President’s Office at Harvard University. Could my social life be any more
perfect? I’m on the guest list for
every soiree, gala and opening in the Greater Boston-Cambridge area. Fabulous!
The firefly is free…
Tonight at President George’s Christmas party, I danced with
Sarek of Vulcan. I believe he’s on the
fast track to ambassadorship. Be still
my beating heart! How can I possibly
describe with mere words how he makes me feel?
I think we’ve both been watching each other for a while now. Now there’s a conundrum—a stoic Vulcan and
an emotional human. Like that
relationship would ever work.
Could it?
And just what would my father say if I were to marry an
alien? How far away from home would
that take me?
Sarek asked me to dance tonight! I couldn’t believe it!
He’s so handsome. Tall and lean,
with finely chiseled features and gracefully pointed ears.
And his eyes… His
deep brown eyes. I wonder if he has any
idea just how expressive his eyes are.
I actually find myself studying him whenever I see him. The movement of his eyes, the sweeping arch
of his eyebrows, his facial expressions, what he does with his hands…
Of course, then there’s his voice. The sound of his mesmerizing voice sends chills down my
spine. I could sit and listen to him
speak for hours.
Sarek and I danced our first dance tonight. The warmth of his embrace almost sent me
over the edge. I wonder what it would
be like to be wrapped in his arms for a lifetime. Fire and heat and passion…
I wanted the waltz to last forever…
Rapture. Anguish. Torment. How is it possible to feel all of these things at once? Sarek of Vulcan. Leslie calls him ‘my sweet misery’. She thinks I’m a fool to even entertain the ridiculous idea that he would ever be interested in me.
And love is never what it seems...
The logs in the
fireplace shifted, sending a shower of sparks up the old brick chimney. She closed the journal. Staring at the flames, enthralled by the
flickering dance, Amanda Grayson wondered just how far she might go.
****
February
3rd
The great Grayson estate,
Amanda thought bitterly. There were
people milling everywhere. It seemed
that everyone who was anyone in New Canaan, Connecticut, was crowded inside the
house. Hell, she thought. Everyone who is anyone in all of Fairfield
County is here.
No longer able to
tolerate the somber mood of everyone trapped inside, Amanda moved away from the
mourners in the formal living and dinning rooms. Reaching for the brass handle of the huge front door, she jerked
it open. A powerful rush of cold air
forced it back and out of her hand, slamming it against the foyer wall with a
loud bang. She ran from the house.
The abrupt sound
startled everyone. Her older brothers,
Richard, home from New York City; Bruce, home from Starfleet Headquarters;
Michael, home from Starfleet Academy; and Christopher, home from graduate
school at Oxford University in England looked up.
“Amanda!” her mother
yelled, moving toward the open door.
Winter swirled into the house.
“Amanda!” she yelled again, her frosty breath visible in the frigid air. As she reached for the brass handle herself,
a second gust of cold wind blew in and then suddenly reversed itself, sucking
the heavy door shut. It slammed with
yet another forceful bang. Her nerves
frayed, Amanda’s mother jumped at the sound.
“Marion,” Arthur
Grayson said softly, gently resting his hand on her shoulder, “let her go.” He
met his wife’s anguished gaze. Her eyes
were swollen and red from crying. “She
has to work through this by herself,” he said quietly.
“But it’s thirty-two
degrees outside, Art. She’ll catch her
death…” and with that, Marion Grayson burst into tears.
“Shhh,” Arthur soothed. “Shhh.
Everything is going to be all right.” Pulling her toward him, he wrapped
his arms around her, hugging her close.
“We will all heal in time,” he whispered.
However, while Arthur
Grayson offered his wife reassurance and comfort that all would indeed be well
again, he himself was not convinced.
****
Clutching the journal
tightly, Amanda ran across the frozen grounds, her honey brown hair lashing in
the fierce wind, her dress whipping around her legs. A black dress and heels were most definitely not cold weather
attire. She should have taken a
coat. But she didn’t give a damn. She was angry. Angry that he had left her.
She ran blindly toward the stables.
Slipping on a patch
of ice, she fell. The impact with the
hard earth knocked the breath out of her.
“Dammit!” Amanda screamed to the heavens. “Dammit all to hell!” Lying flat on her back, she held the
leather journal close and looked up at the menacing gray sky. Suddenly the ferocious wind quieted and it
began to snow. Huge, swirling flakes
fell. It was beautiful.
Closing her eyes,
Amanda mentally checked for any possible injuries. Feeling that nothing was broken, and in open defiance of the
winter elements, she opened her eyes, gathered her dignity and stood, seriously
bruised, but far from beaten.
“Goddamned shoes,” she cursed.
Brushing the wet snow from herself, she cautiously continued on to the
barns.
Heaving the big,
sliding door open and then closing it behind her, Amanda slipped into the
barn. It was dim and warm, the air
thick with the sweet scent of timothy hay and clover. She breathed deeply, drinking in the smell of horses. Several in their stalls whickered soft,
quiet greetings to her.
Cold and wet, she
shivered. Tears threatened her stony
façade. With a shuddering breath, she
willed them back. She would not
cry. She wouldn’t!
On a dark, stormy
night in March thirty years earlier, Arthur and Marion Grayson welcomed their
first born son. William Arthur Grayson
was their pride and joy, the heir apparent to the Grayson family fortune. However, failing to pursue a career in
investment banking as his father had, and his father’s father, and his father’s
father before him, and rejecting the family business altogether, he had hurt
Arthur Grayson deeply. A lifetime of
investment banking was not William’s idea of adventure. Defiant, he chose to conquer his own dream
and at twenty, breaking family tradition, signed aboard a deep space Firefly
class ship in search of treasure among the stars. At ten, Amanda had thought his action to be the most romantic
thing in the universe. Her mother had
remained silent regarding Wils’ decision, but her father had been furious about
his oldest son’s frivolous pursuit of such an unsavory and dangerous
profession. Of their five sons, it had
been Richard, the second oldest, who followed in his father’s footsteps.
The last time she and
William spoke, they had argued. Over
what, Amanda couldn’t even remember.
Home on Terra for a brief holiday before shipping out again, he had
visited her at college. Now all she
wanted to do was see him one more time, hug him, apologize, and tell him she
loved him. But it was too late. William Grayson, her oldest brother, was
dead. And nothing in the universe could
change that reality.
Amanda made her way
to the hay room. Hundreds of bales
stacked from floor to ceiling muffled all sound. It had always been her secret hiding place, secluded, quiet and
safe. But William knew. William had always known. He found her every time.
She sat among the
tightly packed bundles, the sharp wisps of the dried grasses poking and
scratching at her arms and legs.
Opening the leather journal, she gently placed it on her lap. Then taking the antique pen that her father
had given on her sixteenth birthday, she carefully twisted the cap off, primed
the ink and began to write…
February 3rd:
Handle them carefully, for words once spoken, can never be
recalled.
The entry would
forever be a reminder of the ridiculous argument they had had.
We buried William today.
Near the grove of balsam firs by the stream. He loved the stars, Christmas and the scent of pine.
We used to race horses through meadows…
How am I going to live without you, Wils?
She closed the
journal. Her sapphire eyes sparkled
with tears. “I love you Wils,” she said
out loud, her voice trembling. Did he know how much she loved him? Did he have any idea how much she ached
inside? Escaping, a single tear
slid down her cheek. “I will miss you
everyday,” she said softly, her quiet words barely a whisper.
Wrapping its tendrils
around her, suffocating grief overwhelmed her stubborn reserve. From the depth of her soul, with a force she
had never known, an uncontrollable rush of emotion washed over her.
Finally, Amanda Grayson
wept.
****