Author: Saidicam29 saidicam29 @ hotmail.com
Codes: Sarek, Amanda
Rating: PG
Archives: Any list I post this to.
All others please ask.
Disclaimer: <deep breath> Star Trek and all its
associated characters are owned by Paramount and I am only using them for
entertainment purposes and no money is being made and no infringement is
intended. <release breath>
Thanks to Selek for his wonderful beta work, and to T’Lea for the
brainstorm sessions!
Summary:
Amanda becomes interested in studying the ancient Vulcan disciplines.
Sarek banged the ancient gong, summoning the adepts from the depth of
the rock caverns. A moment passed, and then another as Sarek stood in the dry Vulcan heat waiting for permission
to see his wife. So much had occurred
recently, so much so that he hardly recognized his life anymore. Would he recognize his wife, either? He hadn’t seen her in months, and her
letters were hardly more than progress reports now. If it weren’t for their bond,
the bare thread of it that remained, he might think she were as dead as... No, he mustn’t think of that right
now. The wound was still too raw for
him to consider it without betraying his control; and it wouldn’t do to lose
control in front of *them*.
Finally the stone door swung open, and out
walked an aged adept, covered head to toe in his ornamental robe; his face
partially obscured by the large hood covering his head.
“Identify yourself,” he intoned.
“Sarek, child of Skon, child of Solkar. I am bondmate to student adept Amanda, and I
require an audience with her.”
The adept glanced up, giving Sarek a measured look. Sarek met his gaze, silently daring him to
deny his request. In the mood he was in
now, he’d almost welcome the challenge.
“Remain here.”
The adept returned through the stone portal, closing the entryway behind
him.
“Ponfo mirann,”
Sarek muttered, then decided it may be best to use this moment of privacy to
reinforce his control. He needed to
remember where he was, and who he was surrounded by. The adepts spent their lives perfecting the mental disciplines,
and teaching it to others. Many of them
had been students at Gol, and some were actual Kolinahru. It is said they had the ability to
manipulate one’s mind from across the room.
He had to make his shields strong, for while their philosophies prohibit
them from invading without consent, he didn’t want to chance any
“eavesdropping” on their part either.
They'd taken much from him, but he would retain his dignity...at all
costs.
The door opened again, sooner than Sarek would
have preferred at that moment, and the adept instructed him to follow. Sarek had never been inside Mount
Seleya. Only the adepts, or students
committed to becoming adepts themselves,
had access
to this part of the complex. This was where the adepts lived and
worked. It was very rare that an
outsider was allowed past the ceremonial altars and general
classrooms into the lairs below.
As they entered Sarek glanced around the dimly
lit catacombs but could see no sign of his wife. There were few
people moving through the halls, and no noise at all. ‘Like a tomb,’ Sarek thought, and almost shuddered at the thought
of his vibrant wife living here for the past six months. They walked through a smaller entryway, and
down another corridor lined with doors on both sides.
Finally stopping at one, the adept opened the
door, but did not move inside. “T’sai
Amanda is deep in mediation, but you may wait in there.” Sarek watched him go back the way they had
come, leaving him alone in the underground maze.
He entered the room -- nothing larger than a
closet really -- just an entryway leading to another door, but it did contain a
bench just big enough for one person to sit.
Sarek left the first door open, giving himself the illusion of space as
he remained standing while he waited for his wife. As time passed Sarek found himself recalling the events that led him here.
>>>>>>>>>>>
Spock handed his father a steaming cup of tri’hla tea before seating himself, with his own cup,
on the sofa adjacent to the chair Sarek occupied. “You didn’t even know mother had asked me to come?”
“No,” Sarek muttered, lost in his own contemplations regarding his
wife’s secret activities.
“And you have no idea what this...surprise she has might be?”
Sarek silently reviewed each of the encounters he had with his mate over
the past month...the time it would have taken for her to ask their son to come
home and for him to arrive. “None.”
‘How could she have hidden something from me that was so important she
would make Spock come all this way? How
could I not sense something was going on?
Could our time apart be causing negative effects on our bond?’ Sarek shook himself mentally. He was embarrassed to admit even to himself
that Amanda springing this surprise on him had him somewhat shaken. They hadn’t spent much time together in the
past few months as he was busy with his ambassadorial duties and Amanda
was working hard on her studies at Mount Seleya. She had even taken to spending most of her nights there as well
and only coming home for a few days every other week to see him. Sarek wasn’t pleased with the arrangement,
but had to admit that it was logical to do so rather than travel all that way each
day, especially when he was often gone until late at night anyway.
“She seemed quite excited when I spoke with her, so I’m sure it’s
something agreeable,” Spock rambled, trying to engage his father in an activity
other than contemplating his mother’s
surprise. “Perhaps she has completed
her studies at Mt. Seleya early?”
A light momentarily brightened Sarek’s eyes as he finally focused on his
son rather than the floor, but was gone as fast as it had come. “No, it’s only been fourteen months. I find that to be a very unlikely
possibility. The average time of study
for a Vulcan is approximately two years, and Amanda was expecting to spend
closer to three years there to master all nine levels of study.” He sipped from his mug thoughtfully, “Unless
she has decided to end her studies completely?”
Spock looked at his father dubiously.
“It would be very out of character for Mother not to finish what she had
begun. Besides, her letters all seemed
to indicate that she very much enjoyed her time among the adepts.”
Sarek shrugged offhandedly, “Perhaps.”
The low hum of a shuttlecar drew both men’s attention to the front
door. They had no more than stood to
greet her when Amanda came running into the house to throw herself into the
arms of her men. “I’m so glad you came,
Spock!” she gushed as she wrapped a hand behind his neck and pulled him down
for a peck on the cheek. “You look
good. You’ve gained some weight though. Must not be getting as much exercise
teaching cadets as you did on duty aboard the Enterprise. Either that or the food on Earth is better
than on the ship,” she teased.
“Some of both, I expect, Mother.”
“You, however, look as flawless as ever, my wife,” Sarek complimented.
“Oh, I doubt that.” Amanda
laughed as she approached her husband of over fifty years. She framed his face between her hands and
pulled him down for a quick kiss on the lips before hugging him tight. “I missed you,” she whispered.
Sarek folded her into his arms loosely, allowing this display of
affection even though their son was present.
Now, with her in his arms, he felt her through the bond as strongly as
the first night he had initiated it. He
quickly dismissed his earlier concerns as incongruous; a result of not having
her beside him all the time. Perhaps
Amanda was correct when she accused him of becoming sentimental in his old
age. “I, too, felt your absence
greatly.” When she pulled away he
looked toward the entryway expectedly.
“Where is your luggage?”
“Oh, we’ll worry about that later.”
Amanda stepped back and addressed the Vulcans equally. “Right now you two have got to sit down
because I’m just dying to tell you my news!
It’s been killing me not to share this with anyone yet.”
“Then you do indeed look well for a woman who has been dying for over a
month,” Spock quipped.
“Ha, ha; now sit down so I can tell you!” Amanda remained standing, bouncing slightly on her heels and
twisting her clan ring around her finger.
She took a deep breath, and then another,
as she tried several times to speak.
“Shoot, I’ve wanted so long to tell you and now that the time’s here I
don’t know where to begin.”
Neither man said anything as they both waited patiently for her to
organize her thoughts. Amanda closed
her eyes and immediately her breathing calmed and her fidgeting stopped. When she looked up again she radiated
tranquility as much as she had radiated unabashed excitement just moments
ago. It took both the Vulcans by
surprise as they had never known her to be quite so proficient at the mental
techniques required to master her arrant emotions. “All right, you both know
I’ve been studying at Seleya for a little over a year now.”
“Fourteen months, 23 days, 16 hours, 45 minutes and approximately 12
seconds since you first left,” Sarek amended.
“Correct,” she intoned. “But
what you might not know is how very, very well I have been doing there. I have progressed farther in the curriculum,
and mastered the lessons much easier, than I had dared to imagine. Adept Surpik says that I have far exceeded
his expectations for me.”
“Then I believe congratulations are in order, Mother. However, I cannot honestly say this
comes as much of a surprise to us.”
Spock got up to pour each of them a goblet of teig’luks’i, a beverage they generally
used for celebrations.
“Indeed. This is most gratifying
news, my wife.” He took his goblet from
Spock and held it poised for drinking at his wife’s initiation.
“Wait.”
When she took her glass
from Spock she immediately placed it on the coffee table. “There’s more.” Ignoring the quizzical looks from her men she plunged on. “A few months ago, at the urging of Adept Surpik,
I broadened my studies at Seleya from just the academics to actually learning
some of the mental techniques they teach.
And I’ve managed to do quite well at them, especially considering that
the last time I was ever evaluated I had practically no psi ability. Of course, that was shortly after moving to
Vulcan, and I’m sure being in a bond all these years has enabled me to develop
some aptitude.” She glanced briefly in
Sarek’s direction but his face was devoid of any
expression. “At any rate, a couple of
months ago, again at the urging of Adept Surpik, I applied to be considered for
one of the student positions to study Kolinahr at Gol...and I was accepted!”
“Mother,” Spock breathed.
“I think it’s because I’ve lived most of my life here on Vulcan. I’ve adopted the Vulcan philosophies and
lived by Vulcan etiquette. Mostly I
think they’re curious to see how much I’m capable of...how much humans might be
capable of.”
Spock stood and held his hands up, palms out, for a traditional Vulcan
embrace to which Amanda immediately and gratefully responded. “This is a great honor.”
“Yes!” she enthused. “I’m the first human to ever be invited to
Gol. I’m terrified that I’ll be
absolutely useless there, and the thought that they might base their
expectations for all humans on what I can accomplish is petrifying, but I’m so
excited to learn about them. I have
been ever since you left to achieve Kolinahr.”
It hadn’t occurred to her that the reference might be a reminder of
Spock’s failure at Gol, but if it was, he didn’t let it show. All she saw was extreme pride in the eyes of
her son. Movement out of the corner of her
eye caused Amanda to look in Sarek’s direction, eager, and somewhat anxious, to
hear his reaction. He stared at his
wife, his expression impossible to read.
“Sarek?” Amanda’s grip tightened
on Spock’s hands.
“I am...uncertain of what to say.”
He bowed his head apologetically.
“If you’ll excuse me, I need to check on our dinner.”
Watching her husband walk away, Amanda slowly lowered herself to sit on
the coffee table. “He didn’t exactly
seem pleased, did he?”
“I’m sure it’s just the surprise.”
Spock squatted to speak to his mother face to face. “I probably should not mention this, but I
got the impression he was hoping you’d be coming home to stay this time.”
“I know,” she sighed dejectedly.
“Even though he hasn’t actually complained, I know he isn’t exactly
sanguine about me being away from home this much. But this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Spock. If I pass this up I’ll never have the chance
again.”
“Which is why you won’t pass it up.
It’s only temporary, and Father will adjust. He’ll have no choice.”
“I know...but I don’t know if I can go if it’s hurting him.”
“Mother,” Spock’s voice became stern.
“How many times has Father left you to go on various missions, even when
you didn’t want him to?”
“That’s a little different, Spock.
Sarek’s work affected the lives of millions of people. This is just for my own edification.”
“Sarek is not the only qualified diplomat on Vulcan. He could have chosen to stay, to focus
instead on his career in computer sciences, but being a diplomat was what he
wanted to do. He expected you, as his
mate, to adjust and take care of the family in his absence. Now it is his turn to allow you the same
freedom.”
“I suppose that’s true.” Amanda
drank some teig’luks’i to calm her
nerves. She caressed his cheek
affectionately. “When did you become so
wise?”
“Well,” Spock held her hand against his face, “to be honest, that was
basically the same thing you said to me when I told you I wanted to join Starfleet.” Amanda’s laughter was music to his ears. Pleased he had lifted her spirits Spock
stood and collected the tea cups from earlier.
“I’m going to take these to the autocleaner, then set the table for end
meal.” While she was still chuckling as
he left the room, Spock didn’t miss the weary way she rubbed her eyes when he
left.
......
When Spock entered the kitchen Sarek was methodically, and very
precisely, chopping some vegetables for a Vulcan version of a salad. He never paused nor looked up at Spock’s
entrance, but he knew his father was aware of his presence. “This is a great honor for Mother.” Spock spent much more time loading the autocleaner than was
required.
“Indeed.”
“She brings our clan honor with her achievements, does she not?” Spock moved over to take the dinner
dishes out of the cupboards.
“Certainly,” Sarek’s answers were short, but sincere.
“The first portion of Kolinahr training only lasts approximately one
year. It’s mainly academic with a lot
of focus on meditation and some of the introductory purging techniques are
taught. There is a lot of melding with
the Masters as it is during this time they evaluate the students and choose who has the ability to
continue and attempt to achieve Kolinahr.”
Spock paused, took a deep breath and plunged ahead. Ordinarily he’d never address either of his
parents about their marriage, but this was for his mother, and for her he’d
risk Sarek’s offense. “I can not speak
from personal experience as I was not bonded, but I’m certain the Masters will
take great care to shield their activities with her so they do not cross the
bond and interfere with your thoughts.”
Sarek paused in mid-cut, took a deep breath, then resumed his activities. “I’m well aware of that, Spock. This isn’t the first time a wife of mine has
studied at Gol.”
Taken aback, Spock stared at his father’s back. He’d forgotten about T’Rea, Sarek’s first
wife. Sarek had never really spoken of
her, and the little Spock knew of Sybok’s mother came from his own mother when
she tried to explain the situation at the time his half-brother had come to
live with them. Spock was saved from
responding by Amanda’s timely entrance.
She stood by the door, observing the situation, before planting an
obviously false grin on her face and approaching her son. “Is that the china from my mother?”
“Yes.” Spock held the plates out
for her to look at. “This is a
celebration, is it not?” Her look told
him that she wasn’t too sure of that yet.
Following her unspoken request, Spock left the room to set the table,
and allow his parents some privacy.
Amanda took the potholders from the counter beside Sarek and pulled
their dinner from the oven. Placing the
keekar yarok, a Vulcan cheese-spinach loaf, on the counter she sniffed the meal
appreciatively then leaned with her back against the counter, allowing her to
watch Sarek’s face carefully. “This
looks great. You’ve really honed your
culinary skills in the past year.”
“Only out of necessity, I assure you.”
Amanda tried her best not to laugh but Sarek’s dislike for the kitchen
and all the duties associated with it had
always
been well known throughout their marriage.
She hid the laugh, but the smirk escaped and his glance told her he saw
it as well. “I can finish that for you,
if you’d like. You’ve already done the
hard part.” Sarek silently handed over
the knife and Amanda was pleased to see him take her position against the
counter beside her. She finished
slicing the last of the vegetables and tossed them in the bowl along with some
spices she knew Sarek liked on his salad.
Together they began cleaning up the remains. “You know, it’s only another year, and since I’m finishing my
studies at Seleya early it’s really not any longer than I had originally
intended to study.”
“Amanda,” Sarek implored.
“Yes?” She watched him, looking
for a sign, hoping for some indication of what he was feeling. “What is it?”
“I...if you don’t mind serving yourselves, I’m really not hungry at this
time. I have some matters that need
attending.” Tossing the scraps in the
recycler, Sarek left the room.
“Do I have a choice?” Amanda whispered to herself then loaded her arms
to take the meal to the table. She saw
Spock looking down the hall after his father.
“Did he go to his study?”
“No.” Spock stood to relieve his
mother of her load. “He’s in his
mediation chamber. What did he say?”
“Nothing.” Amanda served up both
their plates. “Just that he had 'matters' to attend to.” She sat and busied herself with her
meal. “When has that man not had 'matters' to attend to?”
Spock didn’t answer, but neither did he particularly feel like eating at
this point.
Their meal was silent, but little food was actually consumed. Each was busy mulling over the situation,
trying to find a solution to Sarek’s reaction.
Suddenly Amanda straightened in her chair. “Well, this is good, really.
I mean... he's meditating, which means he’s
working through whatever he’s feeling so he’ll be able to discuss it with me
logically and rationally. Right?”
“Of course,” Spock assured her.
‘Or else he’s trying to avoid you and knows you’d never disturb his
meditations.’ Spock wasn’t sure which
was more likely to be the truth, but knew Sarek would never ignore her for
long. By tomorrow things would be
settled between the two of them; they always were. The question was, what would be the outcome? Spock was afraid it was much more likely
that Amanda would sacrifice her place at Gol to appease Sarek before he would
accept her leaving for a year. His
mother was simply too giving to hold out for too long; a trait he knew was
common to the human female, and one he’d watched Sarek take advantage of many
times over the years.
Spock stood and began clearing the table. Amanda joined him and together they went to the kitchen to load
the autocleaner and put away the leftovers.
Opening the cold storage unit Spock spied a ha rageel, a cake-like Vulcan desert,
sitting on a shelf untouched. Reaching
into a nearby drawer, he pulled out a fork and quickly stole a bite of the
treat
“Spock, use a plate!” Amanda
reprimanded.
“I only wanted a taste before I leave.
I’m going to stay in the city tonight.”
He wiped his hands with a towel and put his fork in the autocleaner with
the other dishes.
“You don’t have to leave.” Amanda
filled a glass with water and handed it to her son.
“I think it will make things easier for both of you if I’m not in the
way. You need privacy.” He finished off his drink and relinquished the glass to
Amanda’s waiting hands. “I’ll be at the
townhouse.”
She grabbed Spock’s arm as he moved past her. “You’re never ‘in the way’.” Pulling him down to her she again
kissed him firmly on the cheek.
“Forgive me, but it could be another year before I have the opportunity
to do that again.”
Spock nodded solemnly. “In this
case, I hope it is. You will keep me
informed of your progress at Gol?” At
her nod he placed a hand on one of her shoulders and squeezed slightly. “Good night, Mother.”
“Good night, dear.” With Spock
gone Amanda looked helplessly around the kitchen for something to do but, not
surprisingly, everything was kept clean and organized. Turning out the lights, Amanda headed for
her bedroom.
.......
It was late into the night before the bedroom door opened softly and
Sarek entered their domain. Amanda was
sprawled out on her stomach across their bed, dressed in her favorite
nightgown, with her personal PADD opened before her. Glancing meaningfully at the clock, she sat up and studied her
husband expectedly.
“I did not realize you were studying.
If you prefer I can go to another room until you’re finished.” He remained rooted to the spot by the door.
“No, I was just keeping busy while I waited for you.” She closed down her programs and put the PADD
on her bedside table. “Do you want to
talk now?”
Sarek nodded, and when Amanda patted the bed invitingly he closed their
door, out of habit, and removed his outer robes before seating himself on the
bed. They both sat crossed legged on
the bed, facing each other, each giving the other their full attention. Sarek rested his arms on his knees and held
his hands out, palms up. In response,
Amanda placed hers palms down atop his.
Through this he opened their marital bond completely; a first step which
encouraged open verbal communication to follow. As the warmth of their bond washed over her, Amanda couldn’t
stifle her yawn.
“We can do this tomorrow if you are too fatigued,” Sarek offered.
“No. I’ll never be able to sleep
until we deal with this.” Sarek nodded
in understanding, and Amanda squeezed his hand encouragingly. “Well, since I’m the one who sprang the
surprise on you why don’t you start?”
“Very well.” Sarek paused a
moment, took a deep breath, then commenced firing. “First, why did you decide to learn mental disciplines from the
adepts? Second, why did you not tell me
about changing your curriculum?
Third...”
“Whoa, wait a minute!” Amanda
broke their connection to hold her hand up defensively. “I realize you have this conversation all
mapped out, and I’ll answer any questions you have but one at a time, please.”
Sarek dipped his head apologetically.
“Of course.”
He took her hands and
placed them on top of his again. “Whenever you’re ready, Aduna.”
“Okay. Well, the answer to your
first question is somewhat involved. I
didn’t just wake up one morning and decide to start studying the mental
disciplines; it was more...accidental.
I had been having some meetings with Adept Surpik regarding my progress,
and one day he started asking me questions about my psi ability and our bond and
whatnot.”
“Our bond?”
She felt him tense, both physically and mentally. “Actually, I brought up the subject first, I
suppose. I mentioned that even though I
know most Surakian Vulcans have them, the marital bond doesn’t really seem to
fit in with Surak’s philosophy of complete emotional repression. I don’t see how it corresponds with his six Virtues. To me it sounds more like something his student, Nirak, might
have encouraged.”
“You have studied Nirak on Mount Seleya?” This surprised Sarek somewhat, because even though all the major
Vulcan philosophies are taught to schoolchildren, he didn’t expect the adepts, who study and practice Surak’s
teachings, to be fluent
in the other sects as well.
“Oh yes, quite thoroughly. It
didn’t make sense to me either, but when I asked Surpik about it he said
something along the lines of they teach the other ‘paths’ first so that once
you’ve learned the way of Surak you’ll know for yourself ‘his is the most
logical path to follow.’” She had
deepened her voice to badly imitate her mentor. “A tad arrogant, I thought.”
“Arrogant, perhaps, but accurate.”
He pulled his hands back, caressing the palms of Amanda’s hands with his
fingers before settling beneath them again.
“Your mind is chaotic tonight, my wife, and you have not answered the
question.”
“Hmm? Oh, right. Anyway, basically I questioned what the
purpose of the bond was in Surak’s school of thought and he turned the question
back on me; what purpose did I see in having a bond with a Surakian Vulcan, and
whatnot. Then the discussion just sort
of veered off into what I am able to
feel through our bond, and next thing I knew he was asking to meld with me to
test my ability. I didn’t see any harm,
so I let him.”
“And he thought you possessed adequate ability to master the mental
disciplines?” His dubious tone might
have seemed offensive, except they both were well aware of the vast amount of
time and effort Sarek had exerted in trying to teach Amanda various mental
techniques with very little success.
Amanda was capable of preventing her emotions from being broadcast to
the public at large, and could receive impressions of thoughts and emotions
from him through their bond but could very rarely ever intentionally use the
link.
“Not exactly. He felt there was
potential, but that it was very crude.
At that point he asked me if he could begin tutoring me privately. He suggested that we begin with the
shielding techniques.” She grimaced
self-consciously. “I figured he was
trying to politely tell me that my lack of shielding ability was annoying
everyone around me.”
“You can shield adequately.”
Amanda smiled at his defensive tone.
“Most of the time, yes, but I have a lot of distractions there. I probably don’t focus enough on my
shielding when I’m concentrating on my studies all the time, or when I get
tired, and the like.”
“So you agreed to the mindmelds,” he stated.
“It’s the most effective way to learn mental techniques. You’ve always said that.” When he nodded in reluctant acceptance, she
continued, “He’s helped me to strengthen my shields, and I’m getting better at
keeping it up subconsciously instead of just when I’m focusing on it.”
“That is commendable, Amanda... and whose idea was it to begin shielding
yourself from me?”
“Adept Surpik.” Amanda failed at
trying to stop the blood from rushing to her face. “I didn’t think you had noticed.” She felt some echoes of his hurt even though he had quickly
masked the emotion.
“I noticed…something was different.
It had never occurred to me that you might be responsible for it.”
“I never tried to block you out.
Any time I thought you were reaching for me, I made sure to keep myself
open to you.” ‘That sounds
defensive. Calm yourself, Amanda…find
your center and remain focused.’ She
closed her eyes and took a deep breath…and then another. Strengthening her resolve, she opened her
eyes. Looking into Sarek’s dark eyes, she could see the disappointment
radiating from their depths where there was once golden sparks of color. Staring at a spot in the distance behind
Sarek, a defense mechanism she’d picked up while training at Seleya, Amanda
avoided his gaze. “Adept Surpik said it
wasn’t normal, or wise, for one bondmate to have sole control over a bond. He said that it would be practical for me to
learn to use our link properly.” Pleased
with her calm, rational, response, Amanda stole a look at her husband. Big mistake. “He said you would be pleased if I learned to shield. That it would be a relief for you not to
always have to be the one to shield against my emotions.” ‘Say something!’ she screamed silently. “You’ve been shielding me off and on
throughout our entire marriage.” ‘Oh,
good, Amanda; that was both defensive *and* immature.’
“I see.” He paused, head bowed
in contemplation. "In other words,
you decided that an adept, a man who is not, and quite probably has never been
in a marital bond, is better qualified to decide how our bond should be managed
than we are?" He looked up
trapping her gaze with his. "I do
not understand that reasoning, Amanda."
"No, that’s not the way it was.”
Amanda let out a frustrated sigh.
"Frankly, Sarek, I don't understand you either." Amanda fidgeted on the bed, flexing her feet
and adjusting her position. What she
really wanted to do was pull her hands back, to separate herself from him and
close the link they had opened, but that
wasn't allowed. The rule was they both
had to remain as they were until everything had been settled between them. No running and no hiding no matter how
uncomfortable the subject matter. Odd
how, when they had made this pact, she had thought it was to her benefit but
more often than not, it has been she who wanted to run from him. "I mean, for as long as I've known you
you've always teased me about how emotional I am and my lack of control, and
now that I'm finally managing to do something about it you're still not
happy."
"I never said I wanted you to change, Aduna."
"I just--” She flabbergasted
for a moment, then finally just released her breath, and along with it her
anger and some of her resolve too. "I don't know what to say."
"I was perfectly aware of what, and whom, I was marrying when I
chose you. I have never asked you to be
anything other than what you are."
"I know," she whispered.
"But, Sarek, I'm not trying to become someone I'm not; I'm
just…improving myself." She
cleared her throat and raised her voice to normal tones. "Honey, I just need something…new in my
life; something different. Doctor Corrigan recommended that I take on a new hobby, remember?"
"Yes, but if I recall correctly his suggestions were basket weaving
or pottery, were they not?"
Amanda chuckled. "I think
so but, really, how many uses can you find for lopsided vases?" She grew serious. "I want to do this, Sarek.
I can't exactly explain why, but I really want to go."
A hitch caught in Sarek's throat as her words threw him back to another
time, long ago, when another wife had once uttered those same words...
T'Rea had just completed her first
year at Gol, and, unlike Amanda, she hadn't bothered to come home to
break the news to Sarek; not that he would have been likely to have been there
anyway. He was a budding Ambassador,
just starting out, and very eager to prove himself to his family and his
government. Her call had surprised him,
as they'd had very little contact during their marriage due to their separate,
and rather opposite, career paths; although if he was honest, he had to admit her request wasn't all that surprising.
Her face was stoic, her voice cold,
even by Vulcan standards. However, this
wasn't particularly unusual for his young wife, whom Sarek felt epitomized the
concept of emotional repression.
"I have been invited by the Masters to remain at Gol to achieve
Kolinahr; however, this requires that I sever all emotional ties in my life,
including my bonding. I am prepared to
do so, and I request that you release me from our bond and my commitment to
you." She paused, waiting for his
reaction, but none was forth coming.
She began to speak again but hesitated fractionally, and Sarek caught
the briefest glimpse of emotion cross her face. "I wish to go, Sarek."
He had expected a logical argument
about why he should grant the divorce, nothing more. He was surprised, and touched, by her sincerity. Even if he'd had a reason to deny her, he
doubted he'd have found the heart to.
But, as it was, theirs was a marriage of necessity
only. He had great respect for his
wife, and they had always gotten along quite well, but there was never
anything…affectionate between them.
Allowing the divorce was no more than a slight inconvenience on his
part, and he had a long time to search before he would require a wife
again. There was no hesitation on his
part when he agreed to her request.
Coming back to the present, Sarek knew that as easy as that decision had
been, this would be equally difficult.
Could he let her go? He wasn’t
sure, but it certainly wasn’t an option he was willing to consider at this
point. Sarek unconsciously licked his
suddenly parched lips. “If you go, we
will have no communication while you’re there.”
“That’s not true. We won’t be
able to see each other, but we can write all we want. Spock used to send us a letter now and then his first year,
remember?”
He made a non-committal sound, stalling while he considered his next
words. “What if you do complete your
first year and they invite to stay longer?”
Amanda laughed incredulously.
“They won’t. There’s no way I
could ever devoid myself of all emotion, I doubt any human could. Besides, I have no desire to try. Even Spock has said that total logic is not
the path to fulfillment. It took V’Ger
to teach him that, but it’s something I’ve known all my life. It’s not an issue, I promise.”
Although her vow was sincere, Sarek was only slightly reassured. “Before I consider this, I have a request.”
“Okay." Her voice
was only slightly apprehensive.
“Shoot.”
“My request, my wife, is...a mindmeld.”
He watched the emotions play across her face; first surprise, then
puzzlement, and finally curiosity.
“A mindmeld? Why would you want to mindmeld? We’re bonded.”
“I know, but while a bond is permanent, it is not always as...revealing
as a meld. In our case this had been
particularly so recently. I wish to
have your thoughts, all of them. I want
nothing unrevealed left between us.”
Amanda considered his proposal and pondered his reasoning. It made no sense to her, however, “Okay, if
it pleases you. I’m an open book.”
“Then you are prepared?”
“Absolutely. Start whenever you
like.” She tilted her head back, fully
exposing her face, and closed her eyes while waiting for him to begin. He removed his hands, breaking their
contact, and she felt the bed shift as he found a more comfortable
position. Soon his hands were on her face, first one, gently roaming the side her face and nose as he
sought the exact location for the meld, then the other. Once her psi points were found, he applied more pressure, sealing
his fingers to her face.
“My mind to your mind,” he whispered hoarsely, concentrating deeply on
the task at hand, “your thoughts to my thoughts.”
She felt him enter, first gently, then quicker as he felt her
acceptance. Amanda almost laughed out
loud, feeling giddy as she felt him move through her mind. This was different than their bond, much
different. She felt him quickly pass by
some old memories, memories they had shared, but he did pause occasionally to
relive a particularly sweet memory with her again. It was incredible to see the same events they shared from his
eyes, in his mind, as she relived it through her own.
Practicing some of her new melding techniques, Amanda placed her hands
upon his face as she eagerly began to learn her husband’s mind. Surpik had taught her that all melds, while
basically the same, were different in that each person had a unique “map” to
follow. Once proficient at melding, one
can learn and navigate through these maps rather quickly to find the particular
area they wanted, but for the novice there was no choice but to learn through
trial and error. As she began her own
exploration she felt Sarek’s surprise, and instinctively he began to shield
himself from the unexpected intrusion, but immediately lowered his shields as
he silently encouraged her to touch him in a way she had never been able to
before. He stopped his own search,
allowing her free reign of the meld.
She found his memories, some of which she had seen before when they had
originally bonded, but those were just random glimpses. Now she had control. She skimmed some childhood memories, flew
past most of the work-related
stuff, then accidentally found some thoughts of his first wife. She backed away from those, until one
particular memory loomed larger than the rest.
She watched, feeling somewhat invasive, but as there was no objection
from Sarek she followed the path.
It was a comm call. He was young
-- they both were -- and he was both pleased and apprehensive upon receiving
her page. She wanted a divorce. He agreed and, to Amanda’s surprise, he
wasn’t upset by it. She cringed
inwardly when she felt Sarek’s amusement at the gratification this intimate
knowledge gave her. Continuing along
that path, she then found herself watching Sybok, Sarek’s first son, at his
sentencing before the Vulcan tribunal.
It had been exactly three years after T'Rea death when Sybok had been
found guilty of murder and mind rape, as well as perpetuating a philosophy that
so embraced the ways of pre-reform Vulcans that he was actually considered a
menace to the Vulcan people. She felt
Sarek’s misery, and shame, as he watched as his oldest son was cast off his planet and declared dead by his clan. Amanda hadn’t been there that night as she
was home with Spock trying to keep as much of the particulars away from their
young child as possible. Sybok had
stood proud, shedding not a single tear, nor pleading for mercy, but actually
laughing as his sentence was cast. He
never once looked at his father, but calmly left the arena under guard to his
shuttle which took him out of their lives forever. Sarek had never told her the details of the hearing, only the outcome
as he explained to his family how they would never see Sybok again, and were to
never utter his name. Spock had been so
devastated; they all were, because, despite Sybok’s eccentricities, he was a
truly kind and gifted person, just...misguided.
Moving on, Amanda found herself looking at Spock. She didn’t find that too surprising, but
what did surprise her was that of all the memories she could have found of
their son, the one she ran across next was of his last visit home before
leaving for Gol. Neither of them had
had any idea of his intentions and were completely caught off guard when Spock
had told them of his acceptance. At
first Amanda didn’t understand, having very little knowledge of the Masters,
but when Spock explained that after the first year he was planning, and hoping,
to achieve Kolinahr, and that he would never have any contact with either of
them again, she had been overwhelmed.
She knew his life had been difficult, that being half human was a trial
for him, but to hear that he was actually attempting to kill the part of him
that was her was more than she could bear, and she had run from the room
crying. Now she saw what came
next. Sarek’s fear of losing Spock
again, his anger at him for causing them pain, how he practically begged Spock
to reconsider. Sarek had tried to
console her, had tried to convince her that Spock’s decision had nothing to do
with her, or with his human half, but it didn’t help. For the first time she actually understood how Sarek felt all
those years ago when Spock had renounced his career in diplomacy to join Starfleet, a military organization.
Sensing a pattern, Amanda looked for the path that would take her from
here to his memories of her. Her
suspicions were confirmed when she immediately came to a memory of tonight, of
her announcement in the living room.
She ignored the memory, focusing instead on his feelings at the time,
the feelings he masked so well. He and
Spock had spent a pleasant evening together, had played some kal’tow, a Vulcan version of chess, and
had a few drinks while they caught up on each others’ news. She felt his anticipation as they waited for
her, his joy when she came home, then his shock when she had told her news. ‘Why does everyone in my life leave
me?’ The question loomed in his mind,
loud and clear and Amanda’s heart skipped a beat as everything became
obvious. He was scared of losing her,
and miserable at the thought of spending his life without her. Mostly he was wondering why...what had he
done, or not done, to drive her away like all the rest?
“Enough.” Sarek’s voice
resonated through her ears as well as her mind as he withdrew from the
meld.
Amanda took a deep breath, then ran her hands wearily over her
face. Her hands came away damp,
startling her as she had been completely unaware of crying. “Sarek?” her voice was hoarse, her throat
still tight from the raw emotion she had experienced from him.
“Your progress is indeed startling, my wife. Most impressive.” Sarek was standing beside the bed, facing
away from her as he took a moment to collect himself as well.
“Sarek, I...” Her voice faded out,
for she could not find words suitable to accompany the powerful exchange they
had just experienced.
“I think I shall take a stroll through the gardens for a moment. It is quite peaceful there this time of
night.”
She let him go giving him the privacy she knew he needed most at this
moment.
....
Amanda came out of the bathroom and into the darkened bedroom, preparing
to retire for the night. She made her
way to the bed, by memory more than by sight, and turned down the covers. Suddenly a pair of strong arms wrapped
around her waist and warm breath caressed her neck and shoulder.
“I thought you were still outside,” she whispered, her racing heart
having little to do with being startled.
“I need you,” he murmured, pressing his dry but soft lips against the
soft spot behind her ear, then down the length of her neck.
“I know.” She always knew. Whenever he was troubled, what he couldn’t
say with words, he always said with actions.
Turning her in his arms, he removed her nightgown and laid her across
the bed. She encouraged him as he
kissed and caressed her body; telling him what she wanted; letting him know the
pleasure he gave. When he mounted her
she was more than ready, and together they climbed the exotic precipice and
tumbled over the abyss into climatic bliss.
Afterward they lay together, him with his head against her chest, her
holding him while she toyed with his hair.
They said little as they enjoyed the simple pleasure of physical
touch. Stirring slightly, Sarek raised
his head to look at his wife as he gently squeezed her breast. “If you go to Gol, you won’t want this
anymore.”
She laughed doubtfully. “What
are you talking about?” She rolled him
over onto his back to straddle him.
“How could I not want this?” she nipped his chest playfully.
“I am serious, t’hy’la.” He took her face between his hands, forcing
her to look him straight in the eye.
“Gol will change you whether you want it to or not. Once you’re there, they will...surround you
in their world, their beliefs and customs, and soon it will seem completely
normal to you.”
“You make it sound like brainwashing.”
Sarek paused thoughtfully. “No,
not brainwashing, but they are very...persistent in their teachings.”
Amanda gently removed his hands and placed them around her waist. “Sarek, do you blame Gol for ending your
marriage to T’Rea?”
“No,” Sarek answered quickly and confidently. “Kolinahr was something T’Rea had wanted for a long time, and
it...suited her.”
Amanda lay down fully upon Sarek.
“Well it doesn’t suit me, and I don’t want it. I love being your wife.
What can I do to convince you I’m only going to learn *about* them, not
become one of them?”
Sarek could only shake his head uncertainly. Thinking about their meld, Amanda reached a decision. “I would never do anything to intentionally
hurt you, you know that. So, if you
tell me you don’t want me to go, I won’t.”
Sarek turned them so they lay on their sides, still belly to belly. “I do not want you to go. However, if this is something that is so
very important to you, I do not think you should allow anything to prevent you
from pursuing it.” Her face lit up, and
his stomach plummeted as he wondered what exactly he had just done.
Excited, Amanda wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled him in for a
kiss. “I love you so much! And I promise, nothing is going to change,
you’ll see. I’m just going for a little
education.” She kissed him quickly on
the lips. “Education is good,” she
kissed him again, “education is useful,” she planted another little peck, “we
like education.”
This time when she kissed him he kept her close, deepening the kiss. “Want to see something else I’ve learned so
far?”
Humoring her, Sarek nodded his consent.
Amanda pushed back on him slightly, putting him on his back again, then
she propped herself next to him. She
took his hands and placed them against her face, then did the same to him. “You’ll have to help me get started, but
I’ve been wanting to try this ever since I accidentally came across this little
gem of knowledge.”
“What are you trying to do?”
Sarek asked, puzzled.
“I want to show you, if I can.
Just help me reach you, maybe through a meld, but I think this is
supposed to work through the bond.” Her
eyes were closed and she was concentrating deeply when Sarek felt the tendrils
of her consciousness attempting to reach him through their bond. He reached out as well, finding her and
guiding her towards his consciousness.
Once there she set out on her own, and while he knew not what she was
searching for, he was most impressed with her abilities. Suddenly he gasped, instantly aroused as she
mentally stimulated an erogenous zone of his mind.
This was a mating technique, unique to telepathic species; what humans
sometimes referred to as “Vulcan mind sex”.
For Vulcans, it's their version of
foreplay. Sarek had attempted to
perform it on Amanda before but, not being a telepath, it had little effect on
her. This was the first time she had
ever been capable of doing it to him.
She was relentless, and her ministrations soon had him panting and
aching, for unlike physical arousal, this was much more difficult to control
and Sarek hadn’t felt this type of pleasure in a long, long time. He pulled her to him, wanting to help her
experience pleasure in the only manner humans were capable of, but he was
already too far gone. He groaned out
loud and threw his head back as an orgasm overtook his body as well as his
mind. Panting and spent, Sarek could
only lay there stunned as Amanda celebrated her success.
“Wow! That was fun, eh?” she
laughed, pleased as punch with herself.
Amanda reached down and grabbed the blanket from the bottom of the bed,
covering them for the night. “See,” she
said as she planted one last good night kiss on Sarek’s forehead and laid down
beside him, “I told you my education was useful.”
Sarek nodded silently, the ability to form words still beyond him.
>>>>>>
Coming back to the present, Sarek ruminated on
their last evening together. The next
day she had returned to Mt. Seleya, and shortly
thereafter he received a call that Adept Surpik had convinced her to begin
training for her time at Gol early and she wouldn’t be coming home
anymore. That was almost six months ago
and now that he was here, his internal clock told him he had already been kept
waiting for more than an hour. Sarek
found his patience was wearing thin. He
was just contemplating entering the second room to investigate when the door
opened and out came another adept clad in the same robe, but with his hood
down.
“You honor us with your presence,
Ambassador. I am Adept Surpik. I come to serve.” The adept bowed his head slightly as he gave the traditional hand
greeting.
Sarek declined to return the greeting, not caring about
the breach of etiquette as he carefully scrutinized the man before him. This was the adept who was mentoring his
wife; the man whose name appeared in every letter he had received from her; the
man who had first convinced Amanda to pursue the position of adept here at
Seleya. “I will see my wife now.”
Not taking the hint, the adept turned around to
close the door behind him, and remained standing in Sarek’s path. “Ambassador, I was against permitting your
visit to Mount Seleya at this time but Amanda insisted. I suggest you make your visit brief. This...unfortunate event has greatly
jeopardized her progress, and I have been extra diligent in ensuring that she
remain focused on her objectives and continue using her shield and control
abilities at all times. She has only
one final trial before she will be prepared to begin her studies at Gol, and
right now what she requires is meditation to work through her emotions so she
may put them aside.”
“I’m sure Amanda appreciates your efforts,
Adept, but I am well aware of my wife’s needs.”
The adept watched Sarek carefully, his face not
revealing a single thought or emotion he may have
been experiencing. “Ambassador, the death of a child is a
challenge to any Vulcan’s discipline, however, as Tu-Surak states, only a
senseless death need be grieved. Spock
died saving the lives of hundreds of his colleagues. His death was the epitome of
Surak’s Virtues. I have been aiding
your wife in accepting this truth, in seeing the logic behind his death. I could
assist you also.”
“That will not be necessary,” Sarek asserted
tersely, unconsciously clenching his fists at his sides.
“As you wish, Ambassador,” the adept responded
evenly, “In that case, T’sai Amanda awaits you.” Surpik stepped through the opened portal, allowing Sarek access
to the inner door, but remained watching from the corridor.
Sarek opened Amanda’s chamber door, stepped
through and after giving the adept a defiant stare, shut the door with a hard,
and somehow satisfying, thump. When he
turned around he realized he was in a small and austere living room. There was a desk and chair in one corner, bookshelves lining one wall, and two small benches sitting in the middle of the
space. Otherwise the room was bare; no
rugs for comfort, no wall hangings for atmosphere, just stone. It was completely unlike the home they shared
in Shi’Kahr, which Amanda had decorated and landscaped over the years in an
image that equally celebrated both their worlds. Beyond this room was an opened doorway through which Sarek could
see the end of a small bed, and another door that probably led to a meditation chamber.
“Aduna,” he called out softly, listening for movement behind the closed door.
Almost immediately she responded. The door opened and she stepped through into the
soft light of the living area. There
she stopped, several feet away from him, watching him as he drank in the sight
of her. She was paler than before, from
the strain or the lack of outside activity he didn’t know; she looked thinner
to him as well, but her neophyte adept’s robe made it difficult to be
sure. It was her eyes that spoke to
him, her eyes held the hollow glaze of a woman in pain, great pain; a pain that
only he could share with her.
Sarek held out his arms, expecting her to come
to him, to seek comfort from him like she had many times over the years. But she did not move.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her voice low and
flat.
“I am...adjusting. And you?” He moved toward
her but she immediately moved away, avoiding his touch.
“Please don’t.
I’m trying...but if you touch me now, I’ll...” her words trailed off
unfinished, her gaze focused solely on the floor now. “Adept Surpik is assisting me with my control right now until I
get past the...the shock of what’s happened.”
“I wanted to be the one to tell
you...personally but my initial requests to see you were denied.”
“It doesn’t matter whose mouth the words come
from, the message is the same,” she murmured, a phrase he thought sounded
suspiciously scripted. “They’re
concerned your visit will make things worse instead of better. It took me awhile to convince them I could
handle it.” She took a deep breath,
wrapped her arms around herself as she began to pace. “Your last letter said you were on Earth. You had just spoken with the government
about the circumstances around Spock’s death.”
“Yes.”
She looked at him now, those doleful eyes
staring directly at him. “You found
Kirk then; he’s bringing Spock here?”
“I found Kirk, but it is McCoy who holds our
son’s essence.”
“Why didn’t they come here first?”
“The transfer...did not go as intended. McCoy is not accepting the katra well, and
the message was lost or at least misunderstood. But they know now, and Kirk is trying...Kirk *will* bring them
both to Mount Seleya as soon as possible.
T’Lar has offered to complete the transfer herself, and has requested
that we allow Spock’s katra to rest in the Hall of Ancient Thought rather than
our family shrine. I agreed; I thought
Spock would consider it an honor.”
“Of course,” Amanda mumbled, chewing her bottom
lip contemplatively. “Sarek, about the
transfer...there’s something I want to ask of you.”
“Certainly,” Sarek affirmed, becoming somewhat
disturbed when Amanda stiffly walked past him to the front door where she
opened it, peered into the entryway then closed it behind her before moving
into her bedroom to rummage through her trunk. She
finally came back and took a seat on one of the
benches, her arms full of antique books and loose papers. She motioned for him to take the other
bench, which he did, still perplexed at her odd behavior.
Making no explanations, Amanda leaned forward,
resting her elbows on her knees as she steepled her hands before her – a
gesture familiar to him and their son, but not one he’d ever witnessed Amanda
doing before. Looking evenly into her
husband’s eyes, Amanda kept her voice low and steady. “In your letter, you vaguely referred to some sort of phenomenon
that destroyed the Reliant, and would have destroyed the
Enterprise had Spock not done what he did to save them.”
“Yes. I
could not be specific in my letter, as the information is still sensitive, but
it is called the Genesis device, an experiment the Terran government had been
working on to make barren planets capable of sustaining life. The Reliant detonated this device, and it destroyed them
instantly. Had our son not acted as
swiftly, and selflessly, as he did, they would all be dead.” He watched her tense shoulders and taut
face, and wanted desperately to ease her in some way. “Starfleet is calling him a hero; and Vulcan, an
icon.” He had been hoping to comfort
his wife, but if his words had any effect on her he couldn’t tell.
"And this device worked,
correct?"
Sarek nodded.
"The ship carrying the Genesis device was in the Mutara Nebula
which subsequently coalesced into a planet once the device was detonated. This was the planet that Spock's burial tube
soft landed on," Sarek explained.
"And on this planet," Amanda
continued, "life was instantly created there, right?"
“The effect is still occurring, and the true
success is yet to be determined, but that seems to be what is happening. Amanda, what--”
“Sarek,” she stood up and began to slowly pace
the length of the small room, “have you ever heard of fal-tor-pan?”
He thought a moment, then shook his head
minutely. “I cannot recall precisely…"
“It’s called The Refusion. It’s an ancient ceremony where a living
katra can be returned to its body.”
Understanding dawned on Sarek, and a great
sadness swept through him. Despite her
brave front, it was now obvious that their son’s death was affecting his wife
far more than he had realized. “Amanda,
Spock is gone. Our son is dead.” His voice wavered slightly on his last
word. He had never said it that way
before, with such...finality.
“Is he?”
Amanda knelt on the floor before him, her desolate eyes now
ignited with desperate hope. “If
this...thing...can bring life to a nebula, why not to a
dead body as well? Spock was in perfect
health until he entered that radiation chamber. What if he was regenerated along with his surroundings?”
“Amanda,” Sarek closed his eyes, taking a weary
breath, “even if that were true, the fal-tor-pan is nothing more than
a myth.”
“No, it isn’t!” She grabbed the book from her bench, opened it to a previously
marked page and practically shoved the volume into Sarek’s hands. “Look, I found proof, documented cases of
this having been performed in the past.
I found this buried in the confidential section of the library. Students aren’t supposed to have access to
these, but I had to check. Here are my
notes.” She handed him the pages used
to keep her place in the thick volume.
Sarek gave the document a cursory glance, then
put it aside. “My wife, do you realize
how old these records are? You can
hardly rely on the Vulcans of this period to keep factual records.”
Amanda picked the sheets, presenting them to
him again. “They know what they did,
what they saw. You can’t just
completely dismiss these.”
“They are stories, Amanda; fables.” He gentled his tone considerably. “If Vulcans could bring the dead back to
life, do you not think it would be practiced today?”
“Not the dead, Sarek, the living. Fal-tor-pan refuses a katra with
its living body. How often do you think
this happens? How often would a body
continue to live after the katra is gone?”
“Never, Aduna.” He brushed his fingers
against her face lovingly. “Which is
why what you’re hoping for is impossible.”
He saw her chin tremble, her eyes fill, but not a single tear did she
allow to fall.
Amanda nodded slowly, thoughtfully, then rose
to her feet to take her seat on the bench across from him. All signs of the turmoil she felt was again
under strict control. “Maybe you’re
right, Sarek. And when they arrive if
Spock’s body does not breath, then I will accept his death. But if I’m right -- if he is alive -- we
have to do everything, try anything, to bring him back to us.” She leaned forward, holding his eyes with
her own. “I want your promise, Sarek,
that if he’s alive you will ask for fal-tor-pan. I’d do it myself, but they’d
dismiss it as the emotional whim of a grieving human.”
Sarek’s eyebrow raised slightly, his look
clearly conveying that, in this instance, he agreed with the Master’s
opinion.
“Please, Sarek,” she reached out to grasp his
hand beseechingly.
Sarek stared at their united hands, silently at
war between doing what he knew to be logical, and what he knew would please his
wife. He should refuse; make her see
that it is not logical to hope that their son could ever be fully returned to
them the way he was. On the other hand,
since the possibility of Spock being returned alive was so impossible, what
harm was there in giving her that promise?
“Very well, my wife, if it will bring you
comfort then I promise. Should Spock be
brought to Vulcan alive, I will request T’Lar to perform the fal-tor-pan, although she is just as likely to dismiss my request as well.” He placed his free hand atop of hers. “Regardless, Spock will not be completely
lost to us, Aduna. Once his essence is placed in the vre-katra we will be able to visit him, to feel him near
us, possibly even share his memories. I
will help you.”
She afforded him a brief smile. “You know, there are plenty of Vulcans who
say even that is only a legend; that you are merely projecting your own
memories and emotions of the deceased toward these vesicles.”
Sarek gave a single nod of
acknowledgement. “We shall see.”
Amanda closed her eyes, expression intent, then
opened them with a disappointed sigh. “I think our time together is about to be
cut short. Adept Surpik must have felt
my lapse earlier.” She collected her
books and returned them to their hiding place in her room. When she came out she still had the papers,
which she handed to Sarek. “Take this
home with you, but make sure no one sees that you have them. They’re all my notes on fal-tor-pan. I want you to read them through; really read them.”
“As you wish.”
Sarek placed the papers in an inner pocket of his cloak. As he stood to
leave, Sarek watched his wife carefully, again noticing her strained, weary
posture. “Amanda, I think you should
come home now, where you can grieve properly.
You can finish your studies later if you wish, after your mourning is
complete.”
“No, Sarek.
I think I’m better off here right now.
The thought of being home, waiting...” she shook her head desolately, “I
don’t think I could deal with that.”
She saw the disappointment flicker across his face. “I’ll be waiting here for you though. You’ll tell me, as soon as there’s news?”
“Of course.”
Hearing movement in the outer room, Sarek moved towards the door,
wishing to leave before being told to by the adepts.
“Sarek.” She noticed he had completely
closed himself off, his face as devoid of expression as she had ever seen him. “Thank you.”
He nodded curtly, dismissing her gratitude, and
reached for the door.
“Sarek?”
He stopped, but didn’t immediately turn
back. Her voice now a bare whisper to
ensure they were not overheard, Amanda continued, “If it’s so illogical, why do the
Masters still study it?”
Now he turned back, his expression
contemplative, but before he could answer, there was a discreet knock at the
door. Knowing their time was done,
Sarek declined to respond, but as he was escorted off the premises, he found himself
cradling Amanda’s notes protectively against his body.
........
After leaving Mt. Seleya, Sarek had returned
to his empty home to immerse himself in his work. There had still been no news of Spock, and his visit with Amanda had
been...unsatisfactory, to say the least.
Eventually not even work was enough to occupy his mind, and his thoughts
began to wander. Reflecting on his
visit with Amanda, Sarek remembered the papers she had given him. Out of curiosity more than actual interest,
he got up to retrieve the documents from his cloak and began perusing them as
he prepared his end meal. The first few
pages were the same as those he had glanced at in Amanda’s room; just accounts
of the few occasions people were to have actually witnessed the ceremony. Beneath those, though, was a long essay
detailing how the ceremony was performed, the conditions required, the
techniques used, and the outcomes expected. It was a difficult procedure requiring many
long hours. The mental power needed to
guide a katra from its possessor to its owner was astounding, and even then,
with all those conditions met, success was rare. Even so, Sarek had read and
reread the information so thoroughly that by the end of the night, as shamed as
he was to admit it, he was believing in it too.
Kirk and his crew, as well as Spock's body, had arrived in the dead of
night, in a Klingon bird of prey, and against monumental odds. When he had first approached his son, face
and hands now devoid of the scars his exposure to the radiation should have
left, and his chest rising with each shallow breath he took, Sarek nearly
forgot to contain himself. He had
grabbed his son, reached for his meld points, but found nothing but an empty
void awaiting him there. Not wasting
another second, Sarek allowed the adepts to take his son to the altar where
T’Lar already waited. Sarek followed
them down the steps and across the vestibule as far as he was allowed. Spock was placed on one of the waiting
slabs, and once the adepts had taken their positions, T’Lar placed her hand
over his son’s face and chanted the ritual words that began the conveyance
service. Then she addressed him, giving
him the opportunity he needed. There
was no hesitation on his part when he stood before the Master and made his
request. Even when she had chided him,
questioning his logic before a room full of Surak’s disciples, Sarek never once questioned his own
resolve.
“Forgive me, T’Lar. My logic...is uncertain where my son is concerned.” Sarek briefly wondered what his son would
have thought had he been able to understand those
words. Clenching his hands together to keep them from betraying his true emotions,
Sarek silently hoped she would not deny his request. And she didn’t. After only a second’s hesitation T’Lar asked for the keeper of
the katra, McCoy, and the ceremony began.
It was well into the next day when it was
over. T’Lar announced that it was done,
and she was carried in her sedan chair to her quarters to rest. Sarek climbed the altar, needing to see his
son; to know whether they had been successful or not. Neither McCoy nor Spock had moved throughout the entire
procedure, but as Sarek approached, he could hear the human speaking softly with
the adepts who were attending him. Spock,
however, was silent. The adepts moved
to make room for Sarek, and as he bent over his child, Spock
opened his eyes. Sarek waited,
breathless. At first it seemed there
was nothing there, but as father and son stared into each other’s eyes something
happened, a connection took place and suddenly Spock reached out to grasp
Sarek’s arm. “Sa’mekh?”
Sarek closed his eyes; relief and exhaustion
overtaking him at the same time. Spock
was back. He was alive, and he
recognized him. Laying his hand over his
son’s, Sarek nodded silently. This
seemed to satisfy Spock, for he closed his eyes again and drifted off in a
light slumber, but he never let go of Sarek’s arm[,]
and Sarek never moved the whole time he slept.
>>>>>>
Sarek strode through the Seleya corridors, hot on the heels of the adept
guiding him, eager to find his wife again.
They had made history today, and he was sure even the adepts would be
chatting about it this evening.
Nearing Amanda’s door, Sarek was met by Adept
Surpik, who was accompanied another male; a Master, based on his robes.
“Adept Surpik, Master.” Sarek bowed his head respectfully, offering
them both the traditional hand salute.
Nothing could dampen his mood today.
“Ambassador,” Surpik returned. “This is Master Ta’kut. He is here to administer Amanda’s final test
before she will be permitted to study at Gol.”
“Indeed.”
Sarek opened the chamber doors, then motioned for the others to precede him
into the room.
Standing by the door, Sarek allowed Adept
Surpik to summon Amanda from her meditation room, but when she emerged she
stopped dead at the sight of her husband.
“Sarek?” her eyes were wide, her voice full of apprehension.
Surpik looked from his student to her
bondmate. “Perhaps now is not an
appropriate time for a visit, Ambassador.
Amanda has been in seclusion all day preparing, and our exam will be
complete in a few hours. Surely you can
wait until then…"
“No!”
Amanda’s outburst surprised everyone in the room. “I need to know now.” She took a few steps toward Sarek. “Tell me,” she implored, her hands wringing
fretfully at her waist.
“Amanda, Spock is...alive.” She gasped, and her eyes filled with tears that silently spilled down her cheeks. “The refusion was a success, and he is alive,
and he asks to see you.”
“He asks...he’s...” Her breath was coming in gasps, her words unfinished, her face
flushed. “Oh my God!” she screamed as she sailed across the room
flinging herself at Sarek, almost knocking him off of his feet.
“Amanda!” the adept reprimanded sharply, but
Amanda wasn’t listening.
“Thank you...oh, Sarek, thank you!” She kissed him repeatedly on face, anywhere
that was within reach. Sarek attempted
to capture her arms, trying to calm her enough so they could talk but she was
beyond even his control.
“I believe we are wasting our time here, Adept
Surpik,” the Master said sternly, apparently rather vexed that the adept had
called him here for someone who was so obviously unfit for Gol. They left, and finally alone, Sarek held his
wife tight against him.
“I think you may have ruined your chances for
Gol, Aduna.”
“Did I?”
Amanda finally took a look around and realized they were alone. “Well, that’s okay. I won’t have time to go to Gol
now anyway.”
“You won’t?”
“No, I won’t.”
Amanda released him and went into her bedroom, where she pulled out her
valise and began unceremoniously packing her meager belongings. “I’m in charge of Spock’s retraining now,
after all.”
“You are?”
Sarek stood by the bedroom door, watching her nonplused.
“I am,” Amanda declared, closing her case with
a decisive snap. She turned to him,
arms crossed and giving him a defiant stare.
Sarek nodded thoughtfully. “You are.”
He walked in, grabbed her suitcase, and together they walked out of the
depths of Seleya into the bright red skies of their world.
The End