THINGS YOU DID NOT KNOW—A FATHER'S PERSPECTIVE

Submitted with permission from the original author: Catherine (cat231408@comcast.net )


A letter to my son to be opened to after my death.


My son:


I know that is not logical to dwell on past events. I felt that there were some misconceptions that needed to be cleared up.

You think that you know me, but you don't. You think that I never really cared about you. Oh, my son, you are so incorrect about that.

When your mother and I planned your conception. I was never more ready to welcome you into our clan. You were going to be my son. My chosen one. All the qualities that you possess were planned. We could have taken out all of the human traits you have, but I wanted you to be the person that you are not a carbon copy of myself. I never wanted you to be a super Vulcan. That was your idea, not mine. I wanted you to be unique. You would be the one that would set a new standard of what a Vulcan could be. I was immensely pleased that you would be allowed to be your own person.

As I watched you take your first breath, I experienced something truly foreign to me. I was actually *afraid*. I know that is not logical, but I experience that emotion anyway. I knew that so many things beyond my control would shape you into the individual you would become. I only wanted the best for you.

I know that you think that I was never there for you. That maybe I pushed you too hard. The reason that I did the things that I did was because I knew that life can be really cruel at times and I wanted to prepare you to be able to handle whatever life threw at you.

I knew that when you went to school and had daily contact with other Vulcans that you would experience some difficult things. I was not blind to that fact. I knew as my son you would be exposed to all different kinds of individual who would not always appreciate your uniqueness. I knew that if you could handle it among your own people then you would be able to handle yourself where ever you are. I knew that you would use all the qualities that your mother and I gave you both the human ones and the Vulcan ones.

You might find this fact to be *fascinating* to you. I knew what you had planned for those boys who were tormenting you at school. I found the program that you wrote inadvertently while I was doing some research. I followed the logic of plan, but what you didn't know is that I even made some corrections in your calculations to make your program run even faster. I could have deleted that program if I wanted to but I didn't want to. I knew that you needed to carry out this project to its logical conclusion. I was proud of you. I know that is not logical either, but it is true nevertheless. I had never told your mother or you what I had done. There are just some things better left unsaid.

You think that I didn't know about your plans to enter Starfleet? I could have stopped you if I had wanted to. Logic should have told you that as the first Vulcan to join Starfleet that they would do a background check on you. Logic should have told you that they would have contacted me. After al, I am your father and an ambassador. That was the hardest decision I ever had to make. The decision of whether or not to keep you safe here with me, or to allow you to go into that vast universe. I wanted to keep you here so badly, but I was knew that it was only logical that I let your choose your own path. I prayed to the Goddesses that I had made the right decision when I gave my approval to your admission to Starfleet. I know that you never knew that. I was giving up one of my most valued things in my life besides my relationship with your mother, that was you

That day that you left was one of the hardest I have had to live through. I wanted to so badly to call you back and to say that you can't go. I also knew that I had to let you go. I knew that this experience would mature you into the person that you were meant to be. It was the best decision I ever made concerning you. I knew that you would use all of your experiences and your unique qualities to make the right decision for you, my son.

It is my sincerest desire that you will look back at some of these events between you and I. That maybe, just maybe, you will have a different perspective.


Your father,
Sarek