Title:
Snakeskin
Author:
Farfalla
Email:
blueberrysnail @ yahoo . com
Website:
cosmicduckling.com/scribble.html is the hub o' stuff
Rating:
NC-17 m/f
Betas:
Selek, who is simply amazing, plus Auntie M, Blue, and jm
Pairing:
Chapel/Sarek, Sarek/Amanda implied, Spock/male implied (Kirk/Spock or
Spock/McCoy. Take your pick. I prefer Kirk/Spock, but it's not essential to the
story.)
Written
on Independence Day, 2003, for the Sarek Fun Fest (SaFF)
Dr.
Chapel, Sarek, Spock, and Spock's companion belong to Star Trek &
Paramount. Miyuki belongs to me, but I lend her to Maoric from time to time *g*
~ Snakeskin ~
by Farfalla
"Is
it strange for you, Christine?" Miyuki had asked me the last time I spoke
to her over subspace videophone.
"Is
what strange?" I asked falteringly, knowing what she meant, but hoping
she'd have the sensitivity to realize how uncomfortable the subject was for me,
and take the opportunity I'd provided in order to revise her question.
But
no, some things never change, and that apparently included Nurse Matsuya's
perennial cluelessness to the moods of those around her. "Is it strange
for you to be on Vulcan, knowing he's there somewhere?"
"It
doesn't matter," I said in a monotone. "It's not like there's any
chance I'll run into him. He's off in a monastery somewhere forgetting how to
love."
"But
that's not healthy," Miyuki said lamely after a moment.
"Maybe
it's not healthy for a human, but he's certainly never tried very hard to be a
good human." I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I felt
like I looked older or more tired whenever I thought about him, but I supposed
that would go away over time. Ironic.
"Why
did they have to send you to Vulcan, anyway?"
I
sighed. "It's a valuable part of my medical training, and that's all
Starfleet cares about. It's not their responsibility to ensure for the
well-being of my love-life. They're paying for me to go back to medical school
and my professional performance is all that matters."
Miyuki
paused again. "What if you see him? What if he comes into your
hospital?"
"No."
Couldn't she see from my expression that I didn't even want to think about him?
It opened up too many questions in my mind.
She
was right. It was hard to be here, on Vulcan, and not think about Spock several
times a day. But over time, I grew to recognize Vulcan as a planet, a place,
and a culture in its own right, and not just the birthplace and civilization of
the man I had spent three years loving by accident and without reciprocation.
Most of the doctors training me were women, and in their company I grew to be
strong. At first, I imagined that my new-found poise would light a spark of a
chance with him, if he ever realized how wrong it was that he had gone to Gol.
Then I grew independent in my own right, and reveled in my confidence apart
from thoughts of Spock. And I encountered other gay Vulcans, and somehow the
idea that Spock could have fallen in love with another man back on the
Enterprise stopped being so unexpected and shocking for me.
Well,
it obviously wasn't that that drove Spock into the desert and
away from Starfleet. My instructor in Vulcan cardiology was a Vulcan man bonded
to another Vulcan man, and nothing about his nature seemed particularly
rebellious or unorthodox. His associates didn't pay any special attention to
his alternative sexuality, and to be quite frank, I found his husband to be an
incredibly boring man in the most Vulcan way imaginable.
So
what happened? Spock wasn't a cruel person; he knew how much he was loved back
on the ship, and I don't mean by me. But as soon as the mission was over, he
turned tail and fled from one of the best friends he'd ever have. I couldn't
have wished him a better mate, had I been so amiably inclined about the match
back then. And I couldn't believe he wasn't intelligent or observant enough to
know that for himself.
What
in the world went wrong?
Well,
he certainly wasn't here to breed. T'Pring and Stonn, ironically, are my
next-door neighbors. They are one of those couples that like to have sex in the
morning instead of before sleep, and let me tell you it is quite surreal to be
getting dressed in my work clothes for the hospital while listening to their
adventures. I'm thankful that she doesn't know who I am or whom I loved... I
was there that day, in Sickbay, and I know the whole story. Leonard told me,
and I've hated her since before I met her. I was bitterly jealous of the chance
she threw away, a chance I would have given my legs for: to marry Spock, to be
with Spock, to have Spock not be able to refuse me. But then again, if she
hadn't done what she did, Spock wouldn't have ever found love, even if it
didn't have anything to do with me.
Fat
lot of good it was doing him now.
Spock
isn't constantly in my thoughts anymore these days, so it came as a complete
surprise when I received a message from Ambassador Sarek that he wanted to see
me. Sarek! The man's name and official seal immediately brought to mind
memories of his heart surgery, and how we all found out that he and Spock hadn't
spoken as father and son for nearly two decades. That night, visions of his
finger-touch with his wife, Amanda, had swum lazily through my mind, and I
imagined that their silent, taken-for-granted devotion was Spock's and mine. Of
course, by that time, Spock was with somebody else... but if you take away
fantasies you become... not human, don't you?
As
I waited in my flat for Sarek to arrive, I nervously checked my reflection in
the mirror. My hair was finally back to its natural brown, and pulled behind my
ears into a French braid. I was glad that I was beginning to look more
professional now that I felt more competent; all my old hairstyles seemed so
frivolous for a woman who was about to become an intergalactic doctor. I
tugged on a stray thread on my smock and wondered what Sarek could possibly
want from me. I pushed unrealistic ideas about Spock's breeding future back
down into the more childish parts of my psyche from whence they'd come.
The
door chimed. "Come."
The
door opened and Sarek cha'Skon stood in the doorway, looking dramatically
imposing as usual in his dark native robes and stern, calm air. I held up my
hand in the Vulcan greeting, and he did the same. "Ambassador Sarek. It's
a pleasure to see you again. Please, come in."
He
nodded to me. "Lieutenant Chapel."
"May
I get you something to drink?"
"Yes,
thank you. Water will be fine. It has been a long day for me."
I
led him to the sofa, where he sat down as I poured us both tall glasses of
water and placed a spring of mint in each one.
"Thank
you, Lieutenant." He took the glass from my hand. "Doctor, soon,
isn't it?"
I
nodded. "Yes, sir. I'm nearly finished with the Vulcan portion of my
medical training, and after that, all I have to do is finish up on
Betazed."
"Betazed,"
he observed. "Very different from here."
"Yes,"
I said, barely breathing. His presence was making me nervous, and I was afraid
I was completely aware of the reason. So many years of loving Spock and paying
attention to his every nuance had made me extremely aware of certain...
endearing mannerisms. Now I felt like I was programmed for male Vulcans, even
though this had never happened before and I'd been studying on this planet for
nearly a year. I wondered how a woman in her late thirties had been "imprinted"
like a baby duck--because Sarek was sitting here next to me on the couch and
suddenly all I could think about was how deliciously powerful his arms would
feel around my shoulders, how deep his voice was, and how male
he smelled.
The
part that scared me the most was that it seemed even more so than it was with
Spock. They're not kidding when they tell you that confidence is sexy. This Vulcan sitting next to me on the couch
knew exactly who he was and liked it that way, and it suddenly dawned on me that
his self-assuredness was far more attractive to me than Spock's vulnerability
over his identity. I was at a time in my life when I was outgrowing my own
"issues", like a snake shedding her skin, and I found Sarek's gestalt
refreshing.
I
found my mind wandering back to that time we'd operated on him in Sickbay. As a
nurse, I'd had the opportunity to see the ambassador naked, and I sat there
listening to his conversation with half my thoughts wandering around under his
robe, trying to trigger my memory and strip him in my head.
"On
Betazed, emotion is celebrated and shared," Sarek was saying.
"Vulcans usually expect me to be more at ease with Betazoid customs since
I bonded with a human woman, but dealing with strangers is entirely different
from interacting with my bondmate."
Slap.
Well, shame on you, Christine. Thinking about Spock this way had been dopey
enough, but now this was a married man who I suddenly wanted to tackle.
And
suckle my way across his neck, down over his chest...
I
eased my mind slowly. Watch it, girl, they're telepaths and you never know
what's going on behind that poker face.
Titillation
and trepidation were my companions as we continued to talk about my education
and my career. In the back of my mind, I could tell he was making human
"small-talk" as best he could in order to put me at ease before he
brought up the real topic of his visit, whatever that was.
"Lt.
Chapel," he finally asked after a pause. "I come to you with a
particular difficulty. Some months ago, as you know, my son Spock left for Gol
deep within the desert. He seeks 'Kolinahr', the discipline that is the pursuit
of total logic."
I
didn't say anything, but I knew my expression betrayed that yes, I knew exactly
what he was talking about.
"You
are probably not aware of this but Spock never informed his mother or myself of
the reasons for his departure," said Sarek.
I
shook my head. "No, he never said anything about it to any of us either.
As... as far as I know." I faltered over whether or not to mention him,
the one creature, the one human who probably at least had an idea
of why our colleague had
fled from kindness. "Why do you ask? I don't think I can help you, but I
know of someone else who... might be able to." I hoped I wasn't opening a
can of worms.
"I
desire an unbiased opinion," explained Sarek. "Humans are already
emotional beings. Speaking with that one would only evoke more. And you, an
uninvolved observer, are here on this planet and he is not. You are the logical
choice."
I
imagined running my hands up and down his powerful arms. "I see."
Uninvolved... well, yes. Unbiased? That's another story.
"Christine...
may I have your thoughts? I must know why my son has done this to his life. My
wife is destroying herself over the issue, and I came to you hoping I might
find some answers." He paused, letting me absorb his words. His use of my
common name only served to further mesmerize me. "Even if you do not
realize it, your unconscious perceptions might yield some clue to his actions."
"You
want to... you want to use my mind? You want to mind-meld with me?" I sat
there, my brain racing. If he went poking about in my mind he'd find my
fantasies about Spock, although I had an idea that, as a Vulcan, he'd
discreetly leave them where they lay. Oh no, and he'd find out what I'd been
thinking about him too, wouldn't he?
But
how could I refuse his plea, for I knew that his solemn request for intimacy
with a stranger was as close to a fervent plea as any Vulcan would allow
himself. And I thought of poor Amanda, torn with grief and full of questions
that she had much more of a right as a mother to ask than did I.
And
truthfully, I also knew, in a deeper part of my consciousness, that a mind-meld
was a little bit like sex for a Vulcan, and that the idea of Sarek's hot hands
on my face appealed to me.
"I
promise that I will be gentle," Sarek said. My sexuality twitched at his
words. I think he was speaking of privacy, but you know what it sounded like.
I
gulped, nodded, and closed my eyes.
One
finger brushed my face and stayed; another came to rest beside it; a third
below. With each touch of his hot fingers on my skin my pussy grew more and
more interested in what was going on. But I forced myself to think about Spock,
and his interaction with what was probably the only soul he had ever loved
romantically.
Through
my thoughts I showed Sarek Spock's secret smiles at the man, smiles he probably
thought no one else would ever see. He hadn't counted on the immaturity and
obsessiveness of my crush, of course. But at least now it would help Sarek to
see why I, too, did not understand why in the world Spock had left.
"Spock
fell in love with a human." Sarek's voice came from inside my head.
"I have seen this with my own eyes as well, during the voyage to the Babel
conference. It is a difficult thing for a Vulcan man, but not
insurmountable."
"Maybe
he didn't understand that," I said out loud. "He seemed to think that
love was against the rules."
"Then
he still has not truly understood what it is to be Vulcan," Sarek said,
continuing to talk inside my head. "One cannot have a sense of
satisfaction when one controls one's emotions if one does not know how to have
them in the first place."
I
didn't know what to say to this.
"If
he fled to Gol because his emotion of love was too great..." Sarek began.
"...then
he was still letting his emotions control him after all," I realized
triumphantly. Then it occurred to me that I was speaking inside the meld.
"You
have adapted well to the Vulcan ways," said Sarek in my mind.
"Thank
you," I said. "Will Spock... ever... realize that he's making a
mistake?"
"Spock
must find his own way, in time," said Sarek. "But at least now his
mother will have her answer."
"Sarek...
you've raised a wonderful son," I blurted out suddenly.
"Thank
you," he said. "You loved him, and I am sorry. You would have been
worthy of his affection."
I
shook my head. "No, not as I was then. I've changed since I've been here
on Vulcan. I can't even believe how foolish I used to be."
"It
would not have mattered. It was not your fault Spock did not return your
love."
"I
suppose not, not in this case." We sat in silence for a moment, letting
the your son is gay thing
dissipate.
"Sarek,"
I suddenly said, "I wanted to tell you how touched I was by your
relationship with Amanda. You seem to trust each other's love so much. I've
always wanted something like that for myself."
"Amanda
is a remarkable woman. And the intimacy of which you speak is characteristic of
the Vulcan bonding. She is always aware of my consciousness, even when we are
with other people."
"With
other people... what do you mean?" I asked dumbly.
"Vulcans
do not believe that physical union is reserved for one's lifemate alone,"
Sarek explained. The thumping desire in my body returned. "Amanda seldom
has interest in other partners herself, but she enjoys hearing about my
various... experiences."
I
digested, and wondered.
"You
are considering proposing intimacy with me?" Sarek broke through my
reverie.
I
was too startled to fib. "Yes," I said abruptly.
"That
would be agreeable to me also," said Sarek, "if you are still
interested when the meld is finished."
"Oh,
yes..."
I
guess it's a tribute to my personal growth here on Vulcan that I didn't
immediately ask him why in the world he'd want to have sex with me. I'm intelligent, and not bad
looking, and my body's athletic. But I also knew that back when I served on the
Enterprise as a nurse, he wouldn't have looked twice at me, the way I used to
carry myself. Wow, I thought to myself, a Vulcan finds me fuckable. What an
honor to my mind, more than anything else.
He
gave me the answers I hadn't asked for. Within his mind he showed me his memory
of me in Sickbay, and let me experience, through the meld, his emotions of
gratitude for my gentle touch and courtesy for Vulcan ways. Through his
memories I saw myself as a beautiful face that had reminded him that he had,
after all, survived the surgery. I was so consumed with his illness and my own
feelings for Spock that I probably wouldn't have even noticed his reaction to
me back then.
He
pulled out of my mind then; I guess that's something he reserves for Amanda
alone. Well, that's all right. I'm not in love with him and I want to keep my
pleasure from this all to myself, since he's going to get to share with his
wife later.
I
leaned towards him on the sofa, placing my glass on the coffee table. His was
already there, empty. He didn't kiss me; he didn't kiss me at all the entire
time, as a matter of fact. What a lesson in culture this was turning out to be.
Instead,
he lifted his hands to my forehead and in parallel motion, let them trail a
path as delicate as dust down over my face and my neck. His hands didn't stop
at my chest, and when they reached my breasts he paused for a moment and held
them with his hot fingers.
I
was shivering and moaning, frozen in place feeling like I'd short-circuited
from pleasure.
He
unbuttoned my smock and pushed it aside, regarding my pink satin bra from under
heavy-lidded eyes. As he reached again for my breasts I extended my arms and
touched him, placing my hands flat on his chest like I'd been wanting to do
since I'd first handed him his drink. I rubbed him hard through his robe, and
then pushed it aside.
Speaking
of cultural lessons.
His
beautiful bare body greeted my eyes, which immediately focused on his arousal.
I didn't see it and think of Spock, and how his penis was also double-ridged.
This was the first time I was seeing a double-ridged Vulcan erection in real life.
I saw it and thought about how magnificent it looked, glistening with its own
natural lubricant, and how much I couldn't wait for Sarek to fuck me with it.
Spock?
Who's Spock? I don't know any Spock.
"Are
you prepared?" Sarek purred sensually but still businesslike.
"Do you mean am I wet? I don't want to wait much longer," I murmured in response. I'd already been turned on for a long time, and the things his fingers were doing to my nipples, teasing them through the satin, teasing them with his fingernails, pinching them slightly... if he didn't let me have it soon I was certainly going to leap on him.
"Then
we are both ready," Sarek said, and took me by the shoulders. He helped me
down across the sofa and then positioned himself on top of me, breathing
heavily over my shoulder. He helped me get my skirt up around my hips and take
off my underwear, and then I felt him fumbling at my crotch for a moment,
guiding his penis. It nudged my entrance, and I whimpered a little with want.
And
then he slid inside me quickly, all the way. I groaned wantonly.
He
held my body tightly but slightly guarded, as if afraid he'd crush my delicate
human frame, as he pumped into me. He took me right there in my living room,
but I was taking him right back. I angled my body so that he hit that
place deep inside
(incidentally which he was much better at than Roger, not that it matters).
One
of his hands snaked between us and gripped my pelvis unevenly. With those same
hot fingers I'd been noticing all evening he efficiently tapped my clitoris and
eventually brought me to a convulsive climax. The contractions of my body in
ecstasy finished him off, and he collapsed across me, crushing a mass of my
hair that had come undone between his fingers.
It
wasn't awkward when he left. He thanked me for helping him with Spock and for
our encounter, which he said he hoped was "mutually pleasurable". I
assured him that it was and to give my regards to Amanda, and to Spock if he
ever saw him in the near future. He nodded, and with a show of the Vulcan
salute, he was gone.
After
that day, Spock didn't even seem remotely attractive to me. Yes, Vulcan males
are sexy... some of them. But Spock belongs to somebody else now, and he's
really not suited for me anyway. I was glad that he came back from Gol to be
with us all again, but more because now I knew that he was finally back with
the one he loves.
And
as I watch him, sitting there in his version of the horrible gray jumpsuits
they've got us wearing now, sharing life with his new husband, I take pleasure
in my own positive emotions and complete lack of jealousy, and silently thank
Sarek for setting me free.
~ THE END ~