Small Sacrifices

(By Mary Stacy, who says the hell with disclaimers, so sue me. G, Sa/AM)

The world flew past as she sat watching, savoring its last moments. Every robin's long and cricket's chirp; every sunrise and moonrise; every bright leaf and vibrant flower; every peal of a child's laughter and sob of pain- she was leaving it all behind.

And though she did not regret her decision, it was always sure to be a bittersweet one. In these last few minutes she wanted to gather a lifetime of memories of a home she might never see again. A memory of all that her 20 years had held and all her remaining years were never to have. Her life here was not long enough, but neither would all the years of her future be long enough for him.

The limo air was sterile and dry and like all security vehicles, there was no way to roll the windows down. She wanted to stick her head out the window and yell goodbye to everyone and everything. She wanted to smell the moist earth one last time, feel it under her feet. She wanted to run and run and run. Let the spring breezes blow her away into a million pieces and then put her back together again.

"Stop the car—please, just for a few minutes," she pleaded, her eyes turning up toward his, knowing that he would not be able to deny her this one last memory of home.

The limo stopped and the door smoothly swung open. In an instant, she slipped out of her shoes and jumped out, running across the meadow straight into a field of blossoming wildflowers. Daffodils waltzed around her like miniature suns, whirling around her feet in a final dance with the Earth.

"Let me take a lifetime of it in," she whispered, then cried, sprinting across the expanse of flowers. Suddenly exhausted, she dropped to her knees and held a precious few within her fingers.

What would flowers there smell like? she wondered. Did they even have flowers there? Maybe, they were like cactus flowers, with walls of spines to protect them. (So like his heart?) Quietly, she started to cry, so much to take in and hold, so short a time remained. A soft rain had started and it mingled with the tears that gently dropped to her cheeks.

He came up behind her silently and called her name, softly with his voice and his mind. She rose and turned.

"Amanda..."

"It's okay, really, it is. It is just, a little harder, I guess, than I had imagined." She let a nervous laugh escape.

"You regret this decision?" He peered down at her, no longer so inscrutable to her eyes. She could see the vulnerability within and knew it was for her and her alone.

" Never." She pressed herself against his chest and he drew her close, enveloping her in his cloak. "Do you? Do you regret the choice of a silly girl like me? You've stolen my heart, Sarek. If I stayed here, I would live a life of memories and what ifs. An empty, heartless life."

The insecurities of the last few weeks started to flow, all the worries she had wanted to voice but had been afraid to suddenly came to the surface. Fears, not for her own choice, but for his, "You though, you, can leave this foolish child standing here barefoot in the rain, and go on to a life filled with promise, without the censure I'll bring to you. And soon I'd be but the memory of a pleasant diversion…"

"Do you think I could do this?" His voice was soft, like watered velvet, assuring her with it gentle timbre. "How could I ever leave you? You are the one that my spirit sought so long and far to find. If it is too much for you to leave, I would rather stay here and be a husband to you and give up my world, for I can not ask of you that of which I am unwilling to ask of myself."

He held her face between his hands as she stretched on her toes to gently place a kiss on his lips. His reply was a caress unto itself. "For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

She stood before him for another instant, eyes burning brightly and sure, taking his hand for brief moment, squeezing it and then releasing it. An affirmation of her trust in their future. Then they turned and walked back to limo, through the field of flowers and spring rain and into a brave new life…