Healing Contacts

by T'Sia

 

Disclaimer: Paramount owns the characters of Star Trek.  The characters of Nell and Alfred are borrowed with friendly permission from the story 'The Spice of Life' written by T'Lea and Saidicam. The characters of Daniel Corrigan, Sorel and T'Zan are borrowed from Jean Lorrah's novel 'The Vulcan Academy Murders'. No copyright infringement is intended. I only played with them for a while. :) The story is mine. I make no money from this.

 

Character Codes: Sarek/Amanda, infant Spock.

 

Rating: PG-13 for strong emotional scenes

 

Notes: Many thanks to beta reader Selek, whose professional skills and comments guided me through this story.  Thank you for all your work and encouragement. Thanks to T'Lea and Saidicam for allowing me to use the characters of Nell and Alfred Grayson.

 

Summary: The story takes place during the time of Amanda's pregnancy. Unexpected complications force Sarek and Amanda to deal with the emotional strain of fearing for their child's life.

 

 

“What could have gone wrong? She was fine when I left this morning,” Sarek said to himself over and over.  It was twenty minutes ago during his morning class at the VSA where he taught advanced computer science when he felt a flash of panic and pain from his wife. He stopped his lecture about databases mid-sentence causing his students to look up curiously from their workstations.

 

He slightly tilted his head and closed his eyes as he concentrated on sensing his bondmate’s condition. Carefully he touched their marital bond.

 

<Blood, so much blood! - another flash of panic and pain>

 

The force of her emotions caused him to stagger backwards.

 

T’Saleij, a former student of his who was just starting her practical year before finishing her studies and become a teacher herself, suddenly stood beside him, grabbing his arm to steady him.  The physical well being of another was more than a sufficient reason to break the taboo against touching another.

 

At her touch, Sarek’s mind snapped back to reality. Before he shielded his thoughts from his wife’s strong emotions to regain his own control, he projected encouragement and the assurance of sending help to her.

 

Clearing his throat he managed a raspy, “Thank you,” to the young woman that still held his arm. Realizing that he had regained his control, she released him and took two steps back to restore the proper distance.  Losing no time, he told her to finish the lesson for him as he would be leaving to take care of a family emergency.  After she had nodded her assent, he left the room as fast as dignity would allow.

 

 

Entering his office to drop off his lecture notes, he saw the blinking comm unit. With a quick glance he saw that Amanda’s healer, Dr. Daniel Corrigan, had left him a message. He listened tensely as Dr. Corrigan explained that there had been severe complications with Amanda’s pregnancy and that they had already beamed her to the emergency center of the medical complex.  The message hit him like a blow. “Not again,” he moaned silently.

 

He had known the instant he felt the pain from Amanda that something was wrong with the baby. Nevertheless, hearing it from Amanda’s personal doctor, and seeing the ever-smiling human this tense told him that the situation was indeed serious.  He now was not only concerned about losing his child, but he feared for Amanda’s life as well.  Grabbing the key card for his flitter he quickly left his office. Passing his secretary on his way out, he told her to cancel all his meetings for the remainder of the day before leaving.

 

Upon his arrival at the medical complex he was met by Sorel’s wife, T’Zan, who showed him to his former classmate’s, and old friend’s private office.  She told him briefly what had happened.

 

Apparently the placenta had torn way from the uterine wall, causing massive bleeding.  This also caused Amanda’s body to want to reject the fetus.  Sorel and Dr. Corrigan were now in the operating room trying to rescue the lives of mother and child. T’Zan mentioned some more details, but Sarek was barely listening.  He was no healer, but he expected that the blood loss must have weakened Amanda severely and the chances for the survival of their child were even lower. He tried to calculate them but the exact number eluded him.

 

Suddenly, he realized that T’Zan had stopped talking.  She regarded him silently, her expression neutral although he could see a brief flash of understanding in her dark eyes. Having lost a child herself, she knew what Sarek must be going through. She softly addressed him. “I must return to my work now. You can wait here until Sorel returns. He will give you further details on your wife and child’s condition.”

 

Sarek nodded but remained silent.

 

After T’Zan had left the room he seated himself on the couch that stood against one wall. Suddenly rage surged through him and the knowledge that he could do nothing to help his wife and child caused his hands to curl into tight fists.  Slowly his control returned and he realized how illogical his rage had been. There was nothing he could have done to prevent what had happened. On the contrary, giving his wife the emergency beeper which she always carried with her and which alerted medical personnel instantly when activated had been fortuitous.  If she hadn’t been able to activate the emergency call immediately, she might have bled to death before anyone could help her, and if he had stayed home instead of teaching his class, he could not have helped her any faster either.  The only thing he could do now was wait and hope, illogical though it was.

 

Two hours later the door to Sorel’s office slid open silently and Sorel walked into the room. He motioned Sarek to one of the chairs in front of his desk and seated himself in his armchair behind the desk.  Sarek took his seat and regarded the healer tensely. Sorel sat with his hands steepled before him and gathered his thoughts. What he had to tell his friend was distressing even for a Vulcan.  He looked at Sarek and began to speak. “They are both alive.” 

 

Sarek let out a relieved sigh but Sorel raised his hand before Sarek could ask about their condition.  “We were able to stop Amanda’s bleeding but her system is extremely stressed by the pregnancy, and the enormous loss of blood has weakened her further. In order to restore her physical strength and stabilize her condition, we put her in stasis. Her condition is stable now but her recovery will take an unpredictable amount of time.”  Sorel stopped his explanation when he saw the numb expression on the Ambassador's face.

 

Realizing that Sorel was intently watching him Sarek restored his neutral expression and wrapped his control even more tightly around him. 

 

“We will monitor her further and inform you of any changes in her condition,” Sorel said, finishing his explanation. 

 

Sarek could hardly believe what he had just been told. Carefully he touched the bond to his wife and felt...silence.  For an instant, panic engulfed his mind.  He raised a hand to his temple and cast a concerned look at Sorel.  “I am unable to feel her through the bond,” he managed.

 

Sorel reassured him that the silence he felt was normal under the circumstances.

 

Relieved but embarrassed, he murmured, “I ask forgiveness for my loss of control, Sorel.”

 

“The cause is sufficient,” replied Sorel, nodding his understanding.

 

His voice still barely above a whisper, Sarek asked carefully, “And the child?”

 

Sorel leaned back in his chair, preparing to tell the sad news. “We had to deliver your son, Sarek.  I have to inform you that his chances of survival are extremely low. He was born extremely premature even for a fully human child, and his lungs are not yet completely developed. He is on general life support. You may see him now if you wish.”

 

He knew that Sorel would see it as unnecessary if he requested to see Amanda too. Her condition was stable and there was nothing he could do for her making his wish to visit her illogical. But somehow logic seemed to be unimportant now. He only felt a strange urge to convince himself that she was really alive and the silence he felt from the bond would only be temporary.

 

The child was another matter. He was so weak he could die at any moment, and he would lose the chance to see his son alive.  “I want to see them both,” he finally decided, his look at Sorel silently willing his old friend to understand.

 

Sorel only raised an eyebrow but did not question Sarek’s decision.

 

 

Sorel led him to the Intensive Care Unit of the Neonatal Care Center.  Using his personal access code he opened the door of the airlock and they entered a small chamber where they had to change into medical overalls. Antiseptic beams glided over them to eradicate all manner of germs before they entered the inner chamber.

 

The whole room was only dimly lit and the humming and beeping of medical instruments filled the silence of the room. His own tenseness and his uncertainty of what to expect made them much louder to him than they really were.

 

Some of the incubators that lined one wall were illuminated. Sarek assumed that one of these units contained his son, but he could only make out infusion tubes and blinking medical instruments. Above each of the incubators hung a monitor that showed the life signs of the small occupant - all showed extremely low values.

 

Seeing Sarek’s questioning look, Sorel shook his head and started for the door that was on the other side of the room. Upon entering the next room, Sarek stopped dead in his tracks.  He had thought the other incubators were surrounded by medical equipment, but it was nothing compared to what he saw now.  A whole computer system seemed to be connected to the small container that stood in the middle of the room. At least four monitors showed values and graphs of different body functions. Various lights blinked and machines were busily beeping and collecting data.  The interior of the incubator was also filled with various infusion tubes and measuring devices. If he hadn’t known that his son lay hidden under the enormous amount of medical equipment, Sarek would never have suspected it.

 

Sorel stood patiently beside him. He had anticipated this reaction. Even for a Vulcan it was disconcerting to see one’s child in such a state. He knew it would take some time for Sarek to accept the situation. Deep inside he felt sorry for his friend, and in an instant, the picture of his own daughter lying helplessly in one of these units flashed through his mind.  Once again, he felt the pain of losing the battle for her life. Closing his eyes for a brief moment he restored his controls and directed his thoughts back to the situation at hand. He approached the machines that were monitoring the baby and checked the vital signs. He detected no changes since his last visit - a positive sign seeing as the odds for a decrease of the life signs were still very high.

 

He turned back to Sarek who was still rooted to the spot. Catching his friend’s gaze, he motioned him nearer. Sarek approached the incubator hesitantly. As he drew nearer, he was finally able to make out the form of an unbelievably small body under the mass of medical instruments; a body which seemed to be too tiny and fragile to be a living child.

 

The boy was lying on his back, both arms stretched out to either side of his body, linked to the machines by small cuffs and infusion needles. His head was turned to one side, the eyes tightly closed, his mouth open to give access to the respirator tube that helped him to breathe. Nevertheless the color of the tender skin was more a bluish hue than green, indicating a slight lack of oxygen

 

Sarek’s gaze was fixed on the helpless baby before him. Motionless, he stood beside the unit not able to fully comprehend that this child, who looked more like an undersized baby doll, was his.  Only the slight movement of his tiny chest indicated that he was alive. His gaze shifted to the two access ports on one side of the incubator. Comprehending his intent, Sorel gave him an encouraging nod as he slipped one hand cautiously through the force field that separated the atmosphere inside the incubator from the outer atmosphere. The beams of the force field tickled him as it cleaned his hand again and prevented any temperature decrease inside the unit. He hesitated. His own hand seemed to be impossibly huge compared to the boy’s small body and he did not dare touch him, afraid he might harm him with his enormous strength.

 

Just as he was about to draw his hand back, he heard Sorel’s soft voice. “It is important for the child to feel the presence of a parent. Medical studies proved an increasing number of premature babies who had regular physical and psychological contact with their parents survived. However, in this case, the baby is too young for a real bond, but it might increase his chances of survival if he feels the physical presence of one of his parents.” Understanding Sarek’s dilemma, he added, “Lay one of your fingers in his palm and see what happens. You won’t hurt him.”

 

Sarek obeyed hesitantly and placed his index finger in the hand of his son. The tip of his finger was nearly as large as the baby’s whole palm. As he touched the soft skin, the fingers of the small hand closed miraculously around his own. He was so startled by this action that he nearly jerked his hand back but caught himself in time and watched in amazement as the little fingers held onto him. Vulcan infants had no grip reflex as is typical for human babies, but obviously the baby had inherited the reflex from his mother. Brushing his mind tentatively against that of his son he felt no coherent thoughts but only a whirling mix of sensations.

 

 <brightness -  strange sounds - strange smells >

 

Remembering the healer’s advice not to meld with his son, he restored his own shields and finally drew back his hand. Something had changed inside him. The knowledge that his son would eventually die had been disturbing to Sarek but having seen and touched the baby made it far more real to him what he might possibly lose. The enduring bond between a parent and child had been formed, and whether he would acknowledge it to himself or not, he already felt the deep love that connected children and parents since the beginning. ‘If only Amanda could see him,‘ he thought to himself as he cast a last look at his son and turned to leave the room to see his wife.            

 

 

***

 

With Sorel leading the way, the two Vulcans headed for the care unit that held the stasis patients. They walked in silence, each of them battling his own memories of seeing his child’s life in danger.

 

The room that held Amanda’s stasis chamber had no windows and was only illuminated by the faint lights of the instruments that watched over her vital signs. Sarek slowly approached the unit, now alone. Sorel had taken his leave of him, telling him he could stay as long as he wished. According to Sarek's request, he had been given a key card that would allow him access to the room whenever he wished.

 

Standing near the stasis chamber, he watched his beloved wife. She looked peaceful, only the dark circles and pale color of her skin hinted at the ordeal and stress she had recently gone through. He longed to take her hand but the chamber was closed and prevented him from touching her. The monitors above her head showed stable vital signs, absolutely normal for a stasis patient. Retrieving the chair that stood in one corner of the room, he sat down and continued watching her. His mind began to wander and images of Amanda came to life inside his head. Their wedding on Earth--how beautiful she had been in her long white dress with tiny red roses tucked in her dark curly hair, her blue eyes sparkling with joy as she looked up at him and flashed him the most beautiful smile he had ever seen; the night when he held her in his arms for the first time--felt her smooth skin beneath him, tasted her lips, heard her sounds of passion; the great sorrow in her eyes the two times they had lost a child in the early weeks of her pregnancy; the night a few months ago when she woke him up in the middle of the night, having felt the first movements of her unborn child inside her; now she lay in this cold chamber, her health severely damaged and her full recovery uncertain. He rested his face in his hands, feeling too many emotions that he was not accustomed to. His control and logic seemed to have deserted him. After he was sure that his face showed nothing of the battle inside him, he left the stasis room and headed home. 

 

***

The following six weeks brought an improvement in Amanda’s condition. Sarek visited her and the baby as often as he could between his classes at the VSA. He noted with contentment that she seemed to be recovering well and looked better every day. Sorel and Dr. Corrigan intended to bring her out of stasis in two weeks.

 

He had become accustomed to the instruments that surrounded his son’s bed and sat for long periods of time alternately watching the child or holding his hand. The boy was still weak but had started to gain weight. The most important thing was the development of his lungs to prevent damage from the respirator.  He was nine months old now and would have been born naturally at this time had he been fully human. His Vulcan genes, however, needed a longer time to develop into a fully viable child. Sorel and Dr. Corrigan intended for him to stay in the incubator for at least another two months.

 

Sarek kept his look focused on his son to hide his disappointment when Dr. Corrigan informed him of this decision. Amanda would be brought out of stasis the following day and he had hoped she would be spared the sight of her child surrounded by so much medical equipment. He believed her health would still be fragile at the end of the stasis period, and the emotional stress she would have to endure by seeing her son in his present condition might be too much for her. He wanted to convince her to wait to see her child until she felt strong enough, but he knew Amanda’s strong will and doubted he could keep her away.

 

After Corrigan had left the room, he reached out and stroked the soft fuzz of dark hair that had appeared recently on the baby’s head. He remembered what Sorel had said about the increasing chances of survival for premature babies who had regular contact with their parents. The slight increase of the boy’s life signs whenever Sarek touched him showed a positive reaction to the presence of his father and proved Sorel’s prediction.

 

‘At least she doesn’t have to see you so weak anymore,’ he thought as he compared the actual sight of his son to when he had first seen him. The tone of his skin was now a healthy green, and he seemed more solid and less fragile than six weeks ago.

 

Realizing how late it was, he finally decided to leave. He had an early morning class to teach.  Dr. Corrigan intended to bring Amanda out of stasis sometime around midday and Sarek was determined to be there.   With a last affectionate look at his son, he rose from the seat and left for home and a much-needed rest.

 

***

 

Waking up the next morning, he looked at Amanda’s side of the bed for the first time in eight weeks without feeling a twinge of sadness to see it empty, knowing that his beloved wife would soon be with him again. The silence in the bond had affected him more than he had expected, leaving him with a feeling of loneliness that he wished to end as soon as possible. After a sonic shower, he dressed in his dark blue robes which were Amanda’s favorite, collected his notes from the study, and left.

 

***

 

Four hours later he sat in one of the many waiting rooms of the medical center while Dr. Corrigan and Sorel brought Amanda out of stasis. Had he not been Vulcan he would have tapped his fingers nervously on the polished surface of the chair’s armrests. Of course, a Vulcan was expected to control such emotions like nervousness but he could not deny his impatience. Showing a calm expression outwardly, he silently counted each passing minute.

 

Finally the door to the waiting room opened and Dr. Corrigan entered. Smiling, he motioned Sarek to follow him. While leading the way to Amanda’s room Daniel cast a glance at Sarek, his smile broadening in amusement. “There is no need to be concerned, Sarek. All went well and Amanda will regain her full health if she takes it easy at first.” 

 

Sarek tried to hide his shock. Had his controls slipped yet again? “I’m not concerned for myself, Daniel, I’m concerned for my wife’s well being. A logical reaction regarding the fact…”

 

Daniel waved off his attempt to rescue his dignity with one hand. “Yes, a logical reaction indeed,” he murmured softly.

 

Their arrival at Amanda’s room spared Sarek further discussion and they entered to see Sorel adjusting the last instruments that would monitor Amanda’s condition. The room had two large windows that showed one of the many park-like recreation areas of the medical center. The beams of Vulcan’s sun bathed the room in a soft red light. While Daniel and Sorel were discussing more medical details, Sarek approached the bed. Amanda was sleeping. To him she looked like one of the heavenly creatures-angels-the people of her planet believed in. Her hair spilled out on the pillow, her face was serene and she breathed deeply in her sleep.

 

He had nearly forgotten about Daniel and Sorel, who were still in the room, when he reached out to take Amanda’s hand.

 

Daniel excused himself and left while Sorel approached the bed from the other side. “I will have to meld with both of you in order to reopen the marital bond. If you touch her unprepared, the sudden union might overwhelm her.”  Seeing the disappointment in Sarek’s eyes, he added, “The sedative will wear off in a few hours. You may wait here and call me when she wakes up.”

 

Drawing back his hand Sarek nodded gratefully and Sorel left the room. Positioning himself comfortably in the chair beside the bed he set his mind in a light meditative state that allowed him an immediate reaction to changes in his surroundings, and began to wait.

 

***

 

She seemed to be floating. Darkness surrounded her…and silence…  It was absolutely silent. She didn’t even feel the slight humming of the marital bond. Of course, she was human and had no telepathic abilities, but she could always feel the presence of her husband. But it was all different now. She seemed to be completely alone.

 

‘What happened to me?,’ she thought. ‘Am I dead?’

 

She tried to remember what had happened to her and suddenly the memories came rushing back full force.

 

She awoke early in the morning. Upon opening her eyes she was greeted with the beautiful sight of Nevasa that rose like a glowing fireball from the dust of the desert.

She got up and approached the large window of the master bedroom that showed a view of the desert in its full beauty.

 

 Red sand dunes stretched toward the horizon. Between them, there were small places covered with k’vesht, the small flaming red flower that blossomed only during Vulcan’s nights, and dark brown rock formations.

 

She opened the window to breathe in the sweet scent of the night flowers combined with the crisp cold of a clear night. It would be replaced quickly with Nevasa’s burning heat as it rose further into the morning sky. The cold of the night had left tiny dewdrops on the sand and the flowers that glistened like millions of diamonds in the early morning sun. 

 

‘A harsh but beautiful world,’ she thought to herself. She felt the tiny movements of her unborn child. Smiling affectionately, she laid a hand over her rounded abdomen. ‘Good morning, my precious,’ she greeted him silently.

 

She remembered the first time she had felt him move. It had been in the middle of the night and she woke up Sarek not able to conceal her excitement.

 

She smiled with the memory at his look of surprise when she placed his hand on her abdomen. The mask of control had slipped from his face and he had stared in wonder as he felt the subtle movements.

 

It was still almost unbelievable to her that she really carried Sarek’s child.  She had wanted it so much and had been overwhelmed with grief when she had lost the two babies before. But now it seemed she would be able to carry this child to term. The pregnancy had been difficult for her. She still felt morning sickness and was fatigued all the time but she had made it through the first seven months without severe complications and hoped she would be able to make it through another two before her son had to be delivered and would be placed in an incubator for the remainder of a normal Vulcan pregnancy.

 

The attempt to create a viable Human-Vulcan hybrid had never been successful before. She hoped with all her heart that this one would be and that she could hold her son in just a few months.

 

Emerging from her deep thoughts her gaze traveled from the desert into the garden of the estate that was surrounded by thick stone walls.  She regarded her roses that were now in the care of a local botanist. Sarek had insisted that she not work in the garden and expose herself to Vulcan’s burning sun during her pregnancy. She knew that Sarek would only employ the best botanist available in Shi'Kahr, but only she knew the special demands of Terran plants in Vulcan surroundings. They needed large amounts of water during the hot season and would be burned by the sun if they were not sheltered properly.

 

She knew that she could not work in the garden while pregnant and the child meant far too much for her to endanger his life. She decided only to check the amount of water in the small reservoir that was placed near each of her precious rose bushes. She had done this before and knew it would not harm her, especially not in the cool morning hours. After she had retrieved her slippers and robe from the adjoining bathroom, she made her way down the stairs and approached the heavy transparent door that led into the garden.

 

 Relishing the crisp morning air, she strode to one of her finest rose bushes and bent down to check the amount of water when a bad cramp seized her abdomen forcing a moan of pain from her. Clutching one hand to her belly she tried to stand again but the pain was too much. She staggered to a nearby stone bench and sat down heavily. Breathing quickly from fear and pain, she waited for the cramp to ease. She had had these contractions before during this pregnancy but never as strong as this one. Slowly the pain vanished and she was able to sit up straight. She let out a shuddering breath. The pain had eased but fear still held her in a strong grip. With shaking hands she searched the pockets of her robe for the emergency device Sarek had given to her in the event she needed immediate medical support[.] She could not find it. Tears welled up in her eyes as she realized her helplessness. Her household aide would arrive in an hour, but it may be too late.

 

‘Think, Amanda, think!’ she silently ordered herself. ‘Where did I leave it? Yes! On the kitchen counter.’ The pain had not come back but the intensity of it just a few moments ago frightened her. Dr. Corrigan had said that there could be more contractions and that she should inform him immediately if they grew stronger. ‘There must be something wrong,' she thought. She had to get inside and retrieve it.

 

With shaking legs she slowly stood up from the stone bench. Cautiously she entered the house and went into the kitchen, all the way bracing herself on the thick stone walls. She reached the counter and was just reaching for it when her abdomen cramped up again with much more force than before. With a cry of pain, she collapsed; the emergency device slipped from her hand and clattered to the floor. When she hit the hard kitchen floor, she felt something tear inside her and, moments later, warm liquid gushed from between her legs. Panic gripped her at the sight of the large pool of blood that formed under her. Desperately looking for the emergency device, she spotted it lying a few feet away from her on the polished floor tiles.

 

Forcefully straightening herself from the fetal position she had instinctively curled in, she reached for the emergency beeper. Her fingertips brushed its side but she still could not reach it. With a moan of pain she rose on her forearms and dragged herself forward. She reached for the device again and was finally able to grasp it.

 

With all the strength she had left, she pushed the button that activated the emergency signal. The red light indicated it was transmitting.

 

She felt cold as physical shock set in. The blood loss was already affecting her; she felt numb and her vision swam before her.

 

Suddenly she felt Sarek’s presence in her mind. She must have been broadcasting her fears through the bond alerting him. He sent her comforting thoughts and the promise to send help. ‘Sarek,' she thought, ‘I’m so sorry.’  She rested one weary hand on her abdomen and tears flowed down her cheeks. ‘I have lost it again,’ was her last coherent thought before her mind slipped into darkness.

 

A cold fear gripped her when she remembered the incident. She felt no pain or any discomfort. She desperately wanted to know what happened to her child, wanted to touch her abdomen to see if her baby was still with her, but she had no connection to the outer world and no control over her body.

 

She searched for Sarek’s presence in her mind but the place where his soul was usually tied to her own seemed to be surrounded by a thick and unyielding barrier which made it impossible for her to break through. Fear tore through her as she realized she was trapped inside herself.

 

Frantically searching for a way out, she heard faint sounds. She heard voices.

Familiar voices. With a flash of relief and joy she recognized the voice of her beloved husband and called his name in her mind but it only echoed back to her from the cold  barrier that separated them.

 

She heard her name being called and tried to move, to give them a sign that she could hear them, but her muscles still refused to obey her.  Suddenly, the voices became louder and she let them guide her through the dark labyrinth of unconsciousness until a flash of light hit her eyes. Like a blazing fire it seemed to burn her optic nerve after the long darkness as she finally broke through to consciousness and opened her eyes.

 

***

 

Sarek still sat in the chair near Amanda’s bed, engrossed in his meditation, when he heard the sudden alarm coming from the one of the monitors. Quickly, he brought himself back to reality. His eyes snapped open and instantly fixed on his wife. Outwardly she showed no sign of movement, but as he shifted his gaze to the monitor he detected an elevated heart rate and increased brain wave activity. 

 

He pushed the button near the headboard to call a healer. 

 

A moment later, the door opened and Dr. Corrigan swept in.  He approached the bed quickly, already studying the values shown on the vital signs monitor. "She is awakening," he muttered more to himself than to Sarek who had stepped to the other side of the bed to give Corrigan better access.

 

"Is everything all right, Daniel?" he asked.

 

Corrigan answered, "Sometimes patients have difficulty reaching consciousness after being in stasis. It’s more like a coma or a healing trance. They can probably hear you but are unable to respond. The altered brain waves show that she has left the state of unconsciousness but she might not find the way to break through to full consciousness."  He picked up one of Amanda’s hands.  "Amanda," he said firmly, "please try to squeeze my hand."  Silently, they waited for any reaction from her.

 

‘Please aduna,’ Sarek silently begged her.  'Give us a sign.’  He longed to take her hand but remembered Sorel’s admonition to wait until he had reopened the marriage bond.

 

Releasing her hand, Corrigan drew a small flashlight from his pocket and lifted one of Amanda’s eyelids. When the light hit her eye he was rewarded with the instant narrowing of her pupil. She gave a soft moan and turned her head away from the light.

 

Intensely watching her, both men waited in anticipation for her next reaction. Would she gain complete consciousness or would she slip away again? The battle was hers alone; no one could help her. 

 

"Sarek," she murmured softly.

 

He was instantly by her side. "I’m here, Amanda," he answered while she blindly searched for his hand. He had been so occupied with her that he had not heard Sorel enter and reacted with a start as he felt Sorel’s hand brush his meldpoints. He looked up into Sorel’s face and saw the question in his eyes, silently asking for permission to meld with him. He nodded slightly and felt Sorel’s mind brush his own. After establishing a connection to Sarek’s mind, Sorel reached out for Amanda’s temple and carefully eased into her mind.

 

With great care he made his way through her still unordered and questioning thoughts until he reached the concealed marital bond. Cautiously, he removed the barrier. Doing the same in Sarek’s mind, he acted as a bridge between the bonded couple. Slowly he reopened the bond and withdrew after advising Sarek mentally to be careful at first and not to use the full intensity of the link.

 

When the bond pulsed again with renewed life, Sorel retreated.  With a last check on Amanda’s vital signs, both healers left the room to give the couple some privacy.

 

Finally they were alone while they joined mentally. Cautiously Sarek made sure that the bond did not open to its full intensity but allowed mental communication. He took her hand between both of his. Instantly a wave of emotions swept over him.

 

Sarek, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want this to happen.

 

Shh, his mind soothed her. He is alive.

 

A rush of relief swept through her and reached him over the bond. Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment. Tears of joy leaked out from under her lashes. Sarek raised a hand and brushed them away tenderly. He opened the bond a little bit further, allowing warm waves of comfort to reach his wife. Pressing his hand against her cheek, she relished the feel of him inside her mind again and wrapped him in a cocoon of deep love. Both of them closed their eyes, their attention focused completely on the reunion of their minds. He showed her how much he had missed her and the amount of relief he felt when she came back to him. She felt wrapped up in his feelings for her which he only showed her in the privacy of their bond. Only their child was missing to complete the reunion of the small family. He felt her motherly concern for her young son battling with her need for rest. She desperately wished to see and hold him but was too weak to keep her eyes open.

 

"Sleep, aduna. Do not be concerned.  Our son is being well cared for," he soothed. "Besides, you are far too weak to get up yet," he added softly.

 

"But I must see him. He needs his mother," she said and started to rise in an attempt to sit up. But she was only able to lift her head and upper body a few inches above the pillow. She was still weak from the long period of stasis.  Breathing heavily, she let herself sink back down onto the soft surface of the bed.

 

Raising an eyebrow in the manner of ‘I told you so’, Sarek got up and retrieved a wet cloth from the sink to wipe away tiny droplets of sweat from her forehead, pleased that her physical condition spared him from explaining her limitations.

 

"You are being illogical, Amanda. The healers have cared for our son for more than two months now. He will not suffer any ill effects if you don’t see him immediately. I will try to get a wheelchair for you after you have gained enough strength. You may visit him then."

 

Angrily she turned her head away from him but she knew he was right. She could not even sit up alone not to mention holding an infant in her arms.  As much as she wished to see her baby, she had to yield to her husband's logic despite of all her motherly instincts screaming to be near her child.

 

Sarek waited patiently for her to look at him again. He knew she could be stubborn at times but she would realize that it was best for her to wait until she felt stronger.

 

Sighing deeply, she finally gave in.  "All right, Sarek, I will rest, but you have to tell me how he's doing every day."

 

"Of course, my wife," he said softly and held up his hand in the traditional way of bonded couples.

 

Smiling slightly she raised her own fingers and matched them to his, allowing their minds to join again.

 

After several long minutes, he disengaged his fingers from the traditional embrace and loosely clasped her hand in his own. Sitting down in the chair beside her bed he promised to stay until she had fallen asleep.

 

Soon her breathing became deep and even, Sarek rose from his seat and looked down at her. The tension of the last few hours finally left his body and he felt rather fatigued himself. His wife was out of danger and his son’s chances for survival were increasing with every passing day. He smoothed her hair one last time and bent down to place a soft kiss on her forehead before he left to find rest himself.

 

***

 

Four days later Sarek was on his way to see his wife. He had gotten a wheelchair which would enable Amanda to visit her son. He wanted to wait a few more days, as his son had taken a turn for the worse.

 

He recalled the events of the last days. Two days before, the infant's breathing had become irregular and the monitors had set off an alarm two times, reporting decreasing oxygen levels in the baby’s blood. The last time Sarek saw him had been shortly after one of these alarms. Four healers, who were busily examining him and adjusting the machines that regulated the flow of oxygen to his son, had surrounded his little bed.   He had only been able to catch a quick glance of his child whose skin color was a dangerous blue, before Sorel had ushered him out of the room.  He explained the situation to Sarek and promised to keep him updated on the child’s condition.

 

After Sorel had gone back to his patient, Sarek sat numbly in one of the chairs that lined the walls of the corridor. He felt like he did two months ago; the chances of his son's survival were back to square one again. 

 

He didn’t know what to tell Amanda. He could not lie to her but he did want to spare her the events of the day. After twenty tense minutes the door to the intensive care room opened and the healers filed out still busily discussing the setback. Sorel was the last one to come out motioning Sarek to follow him to his office.

 

With relief, Sarek listened to Sorel report that the child’s condition had been stabilized but neither Sorel nor any of the other healers could find the cause for the sudden irregularity in the child’s breathing. Until now, he had progressed very well and the healers had intended to take him off life support in two weeks. This goal had been delayed indefinitely now.

 

Sarek sat back in his chair, his hands steepled before him in concentration. He still did not know what to tell Amanda, shielding his concerns carefully from their bond. She had no telepathic abilities but he knew she was always able to perceive his feelings. If he was concerned or upset, she would know without asking him. She would simply feel it if he didn’t conceal it carefully. He decided to seek the healer’s advice.

 

“Sorel, should I tell my wife about today’s events or do you think it would be better to spare her the emotional stress?  After all, her condition is still quite…fragile," he said.

 

He remembered the healer's answer. “The news surely would result in emotional stress for your wife. However, she is the child’s mother and as a parent she has the same right to be informed about her son’s condition that you have. To keep information from her, which she will discover sooner or later, is illogical.”

 

So, Sarek told Amanda about the recent complications in their son’s development. She had been very upset at first and wanted to see the child immediately. Only after a long discussion, which had tested his diplomatic abilities to their limit, he convinced her that their son would recover and that he needed rest right now just as she did.

 

Amanda had given in only after his promise to again make sure that the child was in no danger.

 

Two days later he had finally given in to her begging for a visit although he thought it to be too early.

 

While he was deep in thought, he nearly ran into Daniel Corrigan who was waiting in front of the turbolifts. He avoided a collision just at the last second. 

 

Daniel heard the sudden movement behind him and turned around.  His face lit up with a smile when he recognized Sarek. “Good morning, Sarek,” he greeted him.

 

“Dr. Corrigan,” Sarek greeted him stiffly, still embarrassed about the accident that nearly happened because of his inattention.

 

The doors of the turbolift opened and both men entered. After the doors had closed, Daniel turned to Sarek with a knowing smile. “I take it Amanda has left you no other choice than to take her for a visit today," he said with a wink.

 

Sarek raised an eyebrow. “It is not a matter of choice, Healer. Amanda has sufficiently recovered. There is no logical reason to delay her visit to our son," he answered. ‘No logical reason except the concern of a husband for his wife,' he thought. 

 

“Sure,” Daniel answered. “The boy’s condition has been stable for the past thirty-six hours.  Take her to him. I’m sure she can’t wait anymore.”

 

“Indeed," Sarek answered as the lift door opened.

 

Daniel stepped outside but before the lift doors could close again, he held a hand over the sensors and stuck his head back into the lift.  “Your wife is not as fragile as you think, Sarek. She will cope with it very well. She is, after all, his mother. It is about time you let her see him,” he murmured in a low voice.  “But I can understand,” he added softly.  "We all tend to protect those we love … too much.”

 

Before Sarek could answer, Daniel released the lift doors and stepped away.

 

***

 

Daniel made his way down the corridor. He hoped that he had not ventured too far into Sarek’s personal affairs with his last statement. He knew how private Sarek could be. ‘On the other hand, it can not harm him to be teased out of his shell once in a while,' he thought to himself. Besides, since when did the truth do any harm? He knew Sarek and Amanda very well. Since Amanda had arrived on Vulcan, he had been her personal physician. He knew she was strong willed. In his attempt to shield her, Sarek would only make the situation worse. It would be a shock for her to see her son in his present condition, but Daniel was sure Sarek underestimated her and she would cope with the situation without breaking down.

 

As he strode around a corner his beeper went off. Quickly approaching a comm unit he tapped in his code and waited for the message.

 

Sorel’s calm voice came from the speaker. “There has been an emergency in ICU Unit 6.  You are needed immediately.”

 

“Acknowledged,” Daniel answered curtly. “I’m on my way”.

 

‘Damn!' he thought. ICU Unit 6 held the son of the man he had just spoken to.

 

***

 

Amanda tapped her fingers impatiently on the bedside table while she sat on her bed waiting for Sarek to come with the wheelchair. She had spent the last four days regaining her strength, eager to see her son.

 

Obviously, Sarek would have preferred she waited longer.  He tried persuading her that it was too soon for her to get up. And, as he promised, he brought her news about their son everyday.

 

He had told her about the irregularities in their son’s breathing. That was not uncommon for premature babies. She had been relieved to hear that the healers had stabilized his condition but no-one knew why it happened, or if it would happen again.

 

Finally the door opened to reveal Sarek with the promised wheelchair. Expectantly, she leaned forward as he approached the bed. Just before reaching it, he stopped. Amanda, who had been grasping for the armrest of the wheelchair raised a questioning look at him, clearly seeing his concern for her in his eyes.

 

She drew back her hand and sighed in mild exasperation. “It’s all right, Sarek. I feel well rested and I’m more than ready to see my son today." 

 

He raised an eyebrow, obviously doubting her readiness but seeing the determination in her eyes, he pushed the wheelchair all the way to the bed and helped her into it. 

 

After positioning herself comfortably, she looked up expectantly at her husband.

 

“Let’s go,” she said, unable to suppress the excitement she felt and they left the room.

 

***

 

When Daniel arrived at ICU Unit 6, he quickly glanced at the monitors and saw that the life of his small patient was in severe danger.  Silas, one of the other healers who had worked on the project of Human/Vulcan hybrids, was holding a manual respirator, pumping oxygen into the infant’s lungs while Sorel applied external cardiac massage.

 

With curt instructions Daniel advised one of the nurses who came rushing in with an emergency kit to load a dose of a stimulant into a hypo.  The hissing sound of the hypo injecting the stimulant into the child’s system was heard over the alarms of the monitors.

 

All three of them stopped their resuscitation attempts and watched the monitors tensely, waiting for the child to respond to the drug.  For ten seconds nothing happened.  Then the monitors detected an unsteady heartbeat that was quickly stabilized with a heart stimulant administered by Sorel.

 

With relief the healers noticed the steady heartbeat and they re-intubated the baby.  Sorel looked up from the boy to catch Daniel's 'that was very close’ look. He nodded gravely.  ‘What could be causing this?' he asked himself.  Just as he was about to call Silas and Daniel for a meeting in his office, the alarms started up again.

 

Quickly they started the resuscitation process again, but this time the child did not respond to the stimulant.  Five minutes passed without improvement.  Each time they stopped resuscitation, the baby arrested again. 

 

Daniel’s gaze locked with Sorel’s in silent understanding.  If they didn’t get a response soon, they would lose the battle.

 

Suddenly the door to the ICU opened and revealed Sarek and Amanda who came to visit their child. 

 

Corrigan saw Amanda’s excited smile vanish from her face when she realized what was going on.  The loudly beeping instruments and nervously blinking lights left no doubt what was happening.

 

After making sure Silas had taken his place in the resuscitation attempt, he hurried over to them.

 

***

 

Amanda felt both anxious and excited on the way to the ICU.  She had seen pictures of premature babies before but had never actually seen one in person. 

 

She remembered the pictures of tiny bodies that looked so helpless; arms and legs extremely thin; the veins clearly recognizable under the almost translucent skin; intubation tubes or infusion needles stuck into them.  Her heart contracted when she imagined her own child this way.

 

She felt Sarek’s hand touch her reassuringly upon the shoulder when they reached the ICU.  She smiled up at him as the doors opened… and revealed a sight of utter horror to her.  Her smile vanished and her hand dropped numbly from Sarek’s as she took in the scene before her.

 

Daniel, Sorel, and a healer whose name she didn’t remember, were busily bent over the incubator, which held her son.  The flashing lights and fast beeping sounds of the machines left no doubt that something was terribly wrong.

 

Daniel looked up and spotted them.  He addressed Sorel, who nodded curtly, and hurried over.  He caught Sarek’s gaze and willed him to understand that it was necessary that they leave the room and let the healers care for the child.  Noticing Amanda’s face taking on an ashen colour, he ushered them outside.

 

The doors closed behind him and he took a deep breath to prepare them for the worst.  He knelt down beside the wheelchair and took one of Amanda’s hands between his own.  Her eyes swam in tears, which she was no longer able to suppress.  Daniel made his own voice as soft as he could.  “You already knew that your son had been intubated, right?"  He paused as Amanda nodded.  His face softened with sympathy as he continued. “It seems his condition is worsening.  We had to re-intubate him as he went into respiratory arrest several times, and his heart has stopped a couple of times as well.  We had him resuscitated, but he arrested again. I don’t know whether we can bring him back this time but we will do all that is possible.”

 

Amanda’s gaze shifted away from him with his last words.  Tears streamed down her cheeks as she gazed blankly at the doors of the ICU.  Daniel looked up into Sarek’s eyes.  His face, set into a perfect Vulcan mask, revealed nothing.

 

Inwardly Sarek did not dare to let his control slip, even for an instant.  The news had been devastating for him as well.  Over the last two months he had come to know his son; had seen him improve every day.  To live without him now seemed impossible to him.

 

Daniel suggested they wait in his office, but Amanda refused to leave.  Daniel nodded his understanding and rejoined the other healers in their attempt to save their little patient, leaving Sarek and Amanda alone.

 

***

 

Sarek pushed the wheelchair along the lines of chairs and sat down in one of them.  As much as he was distressed himself, he perceived his wife’s greater need for comfort. 

 

He took her hands between his own and sent her soothing impulses over the bond.  He felt her grief about not being able to see her son earlier.  Suddenly, he felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he thought that he might have prevented her from seeing their son alive by keeping her away for so long. He lowered his gaze under the weight of this realization.

 

He looked up again as he felt Amanda’s hand softly stroking his cheek.  She sent her understanding to him across their link.  She knew he had only wanted to protect her.  She told him also that he could not have foreseen the difficulties with their son’s health.

 

He lifted a hand in the traditional embrace and she matched her hand to his, in a gesture that had become second nature to her.  Silently they sat in the corridor, sharing their grief and comforting each other.

 

Some nerve-racking minutes later, the door to the ICU opened and Daniel reappeared in the corridor.  Sarek gripped Amanda’s hand in the human fashion and felt her fingers tightening around his own as Daniel approached them slowly.  “We were able to resuscitate him again,” he started, but raised a hand as Amanda was about to interrupt him.  "His condition, however, is constantly worsening.”  He took a deep breath before telling them the full truth. “We don’t expect him to make it through the night.”

 

Amanda buried her face in her hands.  Tears flowed from her closed eyes down her cheeks as she shuddered with silent sobs.

 

Sarek stood gazing blankly into Daniels’s eyes as he felt the deep pain from his wife.  He longed to comfort her but their public surroundings and Daniel’s presence prevented him from taking her into his arms. Instead he laid one hand on her shoulder in silent comfort.  She held on to him tightly and transmitted only one desperate wish.

 

Sarek swallowed several times to wet his dry throat.  “May we see him now before,” he paused, “before it is too late?”

 

Daniel nodded in silent understanding. “Sure,” he murmured as he turned and opened the doors to the ICU again.

 

Amanda wiped the last tears from her eyes as Sarek turned the wheelchair.

 

Are you prepared my wife? Sarek asked through the bond.

 

One cannot be prepared enough to see one’s child die, Sarek, she replied.

 

Sarek closed his eyes briefly to master the pain he felt at her answer.  He braced himself mentally and they entered the room.

 

***

 

The lights inside the chamber were dimmed.  The instruments were no longer beeping furiously.  Only their slight humming filled the room.  Sorel and Silas finished the last adjustments to the machines.

 

After they were done Silas excused himself, leaving them alone with Sorel and Corrigan.  Sorel stepped back as Sarek approached with the wheelchair.

 

Amanda leaned forward and peaked cautiously into the incubator.  Her heart constricted at the sight.  Her son lay on his back, surrounded by instruments, and other medical devices whose function she didn’t know.  He had been extubated to let nature take its course.

 

Her gaze roamed over him.  She noticed the soft dark hair on his head, his little pointed ears, his face, and his thin body.  His colour went visibly paler with each passing minute.  His little chest heaved with laboured breathing.  She took a shuddering breath as her eyes filled with tears again.  “Please,” she addressed no one in particular, “I wish to hold him. I want him to die in my arms.”  She did not know where she found the strength to utter this wish but something inside her refused to let her child die alone.     

 

Daniel cast a questioning glance at Sorel.  As he nodded his approval Daniel lifted the transparent cover of the incubator, picked up the small child and placed him carefully in his mother’s arms.

 

She had never before held a baby this small but instinct took over and her arms closed securely around the little body, hugging him tenderly to her chest.

 

Sorel and Daniel retreated to the anteroom to give the family some privacy.  They had done all that they could do for the child. Whether he would survive or not would depend on his own will to live.  The underdevelopment of his lungs was not uncommon with such small children, but it seldom led to the death of the small patient in this time of advanced medicine.  There seemed to be something else than was causing his systems to fail.

 

Sarek pulled up a chair beside his wife and sat down silently, his arms going around her and the weak child she was holding.  She leaned her head against his chest silently drawing strength and comfort from him for what was to come.

 

Cuddling the boy still nearer to her, she murmured softly, “He has not even been named yet.”

 

Determined, she pulled away from Sarek to look into his eyes.  She knew it was Vulcan custom that the parents keep the name of their offspring to themselves until the day of the naming ceremony.  Until now their son was only known as the son of Sarek and Amanda.  She knew how tradition bound her husband was but this situation was more than a sufficient reason to lay aside tradition.

 

Please, Sarek. I know what tradition dictates, but we can’t let him die without a name, she mentally pleaded, watching his eyes for some sort of reaction.

 

Finally, he nodded his consent, and stood up to ask Daniel and Sorel to act as the customary witnesses for the naming ceremony.

 

Silently they gathered around Amanda who was still holding the weak infant.  Daniel and Sorel took the ritual places on either side of the mother, while Sarek stood before her.  Carefully he placed his hand on the baby’s head before he intoned the ritual words of his forefathers.  “Thy name will be Spock, firstborn son of Sarek of Vulcan and Amanda of Earth, heir of the house of Surak. Thee shall be guided and protected by thy family for now and all time.” He felt a twinge of sadness as he spoke the words.  It was very likely that his son would never know his family.

 

Normally the head of the House and the witnesses would sign a document that sealed the child’s name and status among the clan.  In this case, however, there had been no time for a proper ceremony and the required document.  The two healers retreated again to give the couple some privacy. Sarek sat down beside Amanda again and draped one arm around her.  When he touched her, he felt a wave of gratefulness and love wash over him.  Some of the feelings he felt transmitted themselves through his hand that still rested on his son’s head.  For a long time they sat this way, listening to every breath their son took with difficulty.  Slowly, very slowly, his breathing seemed to improve and become less laboured, and he gave a faint squeak.  Astonished his parents looked down at him.

 

Sorel hurried into the room; his fine hearing had also picked up the faint sound.  As Sarek released his wife to give the healer better access, Sorel took a med scanner and held it over the child.  “Remarkable,” he murmured while he studied the readings.

 

“What’s wrong?” Amanda asked hoping against all odds that her child would live despite his former condition.

 

Daniel, who had appeared beside Sorel to study the readings as well, smiled at her

 

“Nothing is wrong, Amanda.  His vital signs are stabilizing.  His heartbeat is stronger and his breathing is more regular.  I don’t know why but he is improving rapidly,” he said, astonished.

 

Sarek could only stand nearby and listen.  Moments before his son was weak and dying and now there were stronger vital signs?  He dared not to believe his son could live, for his hopes could easily be crushed like they had been only half an hour before.  The baby squeaked again and moved one of his tiny arms.  Unthinking, he laid a finger on the baby's palm, and felt a rush of joy as the tiny fingers closed around it.  He caught Amanda’s gaze and saw the joy he felt reflected in her eyes.

 

He still didn’t understand the sudden change in his son’s condition and raised a questioning gaze at Sorel who sat with his hands steepled before him.

 

When he became aware that Sarek was intently watching him, he saw the question in his friend’s eyes.  He folded his hands in his lap and offered his explanation.  “Do you remember what I told you about the importance of physical contact between premature babies and their parents, Sarek?” Noticing Sarek’s nod, he continued, “You have been visiting him and touched his hands, but that might not have been enough.  When I studied Earth medicine regarding premature infants, I found out about a technique that has been very successful with human children.  They were laid upon the bare chest of the mother or father.  In response to this, their breathing and heartbeat steadied while their parents held them.”

 

“Yes,” Daniel said.  "The physical contact obviously soothed them.”

 

“It may be possible that your son needs that physical contact as well," Sorel continued.  “As a Vulcan I did not consider this before.”

 

“What will happen now?” Amanda asked. “Will he live?”

 

Sorel regarded her while he calculated the odds. “It is very likely that with this new 'treatment', your son may improve.  I would calculate his survival rate to be over 70 percent if it is continued.  However, we will have to wait and see what happens when we place him back in the incubator to make sure his improvement is not just temporary."

 

He took the child from his mother’s arms and placed him back into the incubator, carefully watching his readings while he did so.  The vital signs dropped a little but remained steady on an adequate level.  They all breathed a sigh of relief.  After making sure the vital signs of their little patient didn’t drop anymore, Sorel and Corrigan left to attend their other patients.

 

Sarek and Amanda remained with their son, Amanda reaching inside the incubator to softly stroke his cheeks and fine hair.

 

After some time a nurse entered the room and sat down in front of a console in the anteroom.  Obviously she had been assigned to watch the monitors of the newly recovered patient. 

 

Although it was difficult to leave their son after he had been this close to death, Sarek insisted that his wife get some rest.  He could see the fatigue plainly written on her face.  The dark circles under her eyes spoke volumes of the emotional stress she had gone through.

 

He brought her back to her room and settled her in.  After she had fallen into a deep, exhausted sleep, he contacted his secretary and asked her to delay the start of his evening class for half an hour.  He needed to meditate after the events of the day in order to clear his mind before he faced his students again.

 

***

 

The healers were reluctant at first to take the child out of the incubator every day but it seemed to be the best medicine for him, his condition improving every time he was in close contact with his mother.

 

Amanda felt overjoyed at the good news.  Just a few days before, she was about to lose her child and now she could see him progressing every day.

 

Each day she was brought to him and was allowed to hold him for ten minutes, watching in amazement as he moved his tiny arms and legs, instinctively turning his head to the warmth of her body.  He was still very small and his weight had just climbed over two pounds.  He still had to stay in the incubator for two months of further development.

 

Every time his schedule permitted it, Sarek joined his wife while she held their son.  Normally Vulcan fathers did not hold their offspring and it took Amanda two weeks of constant persuasion to convince him otherwise.

 

Stiffly, he sat in the rocking chair that had been brought into the ICU.

 

Amanda sat nearby in her wheelchair and smiled fondly as she watched her normally self-conscious husband waiting nervously for Dr. Corrigan to place the child in his arms.  He tried to mirror Amanda's position when the child was given to her.

 

Daniel approached and laid the warm bundle into his waiting arms.  After he had made sure that the young father had a secure grip on the child, Daniel adjusted Sarek’s arms in the way they would best support the child’s head and body.

 

Smiling at Amanda, who had watched the scene in amusement, he left after advising the nurse on duty to take back the child to the incubator in ten minutes.

 

***

 

Sarek sat perfectly still while he held his son.  He felt the movements of the child through the blankets that were warmly wrapped around him. Only his head peaked out of the soft material.

 

Suddenly, he heard Amanda’s amused laughter. “You can breathe, Sarek. It won’t hurt him,” she said, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

 

He let out a deep breath.  He was not even aware that he was holding it.  Raising an eyebrow at his wife the corners of his mouth raised slightly.  He willed himself to relax and leaned back in the rocking chair.  Turning his attention back to his son, he kept watching him intently as he began almost unconsciously to rock back and forth until the child’s breathing had reached a relaxed rhythm.

 

Sarek was so preoccupied with his son that he didn’t notice the ten minutes had already passed, until the nurse appeared in front of him reaching for the child.  Reluctantly he let her take him and got up from the chair to watch her put his son back in the incubator.

 

He crossed fingers with his wife, transmitting the feeling of gratefulness that she had been able to persuade him to hold his son. It had been a most remarkable experience.  He had been fascinated to feel the new life move in his arms and to know that this child was of his own flesh and blood.  Even now, just moments after he had given the child back to the nurse, he was eagerly anticipating the next session.

 

***

 

Four weeks later Amanda had her final examination before leaving the hospital.  Sitting in the anteroom to Dr. Corrigan’s office she waited patiently for her final check-up.  After some minutes the door to the office opened and Daniel escorted one of his other patients outside.  Turning finally to her he smiled broadly and approached her.  “Amanda,” he greeted her.  "Time for your final check-up, isn’t it? You must be tired of all the healers around you.” The gleam in his eyes showed his playful manner.

 

Her facial expression was one of pure innocence when she answered him with an equally mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “Tired of you, Daniel? Never!” and smiled radiantly at him.

 

“Yeah, sure,” he laughed and ushered her into his office.

 

“Truth be told I’m really tired of being an experiment for the healers although I’m immensely grateful for what they have accomplished," she continued after taking a seat.

 

Daniel retrieved a med scanner from his desk and held it over her.  “I understand," he said while studying the readings, “but you surely realize that the ‘experiment’ as you call it is not over yet. Your son will always be special. He is the first Vulcan-Human hybrid that has survived this long and his further development will be monitored very closely by all of us.”

 

She sighed. “I know and I don’t want to think of all the complications that could occur. I only hope the media circus will die down soon.”

 

Daniel nodded in understanding.  They had been very careful to keep information about their ‘project’ from the media until they could be sure of its success, but somehow information about Spock's recent complications leaked out and the scientists where constantly pressured for more information by the press.  He had been asked several times to give interviews but had refused. He knew that some of the off-world journalists were constantly gathered in front of the Academy hospital and the Interplanetary Affairs offices, waiting for a chance to catch Sarek or anyone else who would provide them with more information.  The security at the hospital had their hands full preventing these gatherings and shielding the involved personnel from the mass of reporters.  Even Vulcan journalists were eager to get more information although their interest focused solely on the scientific aspects of the project.  Respecting an individual's privacy was one of the most important aspects of Vulcan society.  They would not corner people and force them to provide information nor would they dare ask personal questions. 

 

Daniel sighed, his mind already working on the best way to circumvent the journalists after his shift.  Focussing his attention back to the task at hand, he studied Amanda’s readings.  She had recovered remarkably well after the physical stress caused by the pregnancy and her time in stasis.  “Well, Amanda,” he said, “it seems you are completely healed.  The scars from the c-section as well as the after effects of the time in stasis are completely gone. I would advise you, however, to take it easy for the next few days. You might feel strong now, but remember, apart from the physiotherapy you received, you were not terribly active while you were here.  I know how desperately you want to go home. As pleasing as hospitals are these days it’s not pleasant to be a patient.“

 

“How right you are,” she answered.  “I really have seen enough of hospitals for a while.”

 

“I know,” he continued.  "It would be better to wait a few more days until your physiotherapy is completed but if you promise me you won’t overexert yourself and only work for no more than one hour at a time, I will release you today. Deal?”

 

“Deal."  She smiled back at him. “I promise to be careful although I really feel good. What about Spock? Do you think he can come out of the incubator soon?”

 

Daniel smiled. “That was the next point I wanted to talk to you about.  Sorel and I were planning to remove him from the incubator soon.  As you know, the time of development inside the womb is normally longer for Vulcan infants than for Human ones.  Therefore, we expected he would have to remain inside the incubator until the eleventh month of a Vulcan pregnancy. He is stronger than we anticipated and we see no danger in removing him from the ICU soon.”

 

“Really?” she exclaimed. “I’m so relieved. I hoped it would be soon but I didn’t dream it could be done this early. But…” She hesitated and bit her lip.  "How will I be able to nurse him?  I have no milk.”

 

“You know, it’s not necessary you nurse him. He will be given all the nutrients he needs,” Daniel said. “But that’s not the point, is it?”

 

“No,” she said. “I know he will be well cared for but I wish to nurse him. I’m his mother.”

 

“Well, in that case we have to start hormone treatment so that your body will produce milk. I suggest we start today with the first injection,” he said to her as he turned to his terminal and typed in some orders.

 

While waiting for the assistant to bring the hypo, he informed her about the symptoms caused by the hormone therapy. A few minutes later the hypo was brought to him.  While he injected Amanda with the hormones that would cause her body to produce milk, the intercom chimed. Daniel hit the button to open the connection to his secretary.

 

“Ambassador Sarek has arrived, Dr. Corrigan,” came her voice from the intercom.

 

“Ah, very good,” Daniel said.  "Please send him in, T’Sel.”

 

Moments later the door opened and Sarek stepped in.

 

“Sarek, please come in,” Daniel greeted him.  "We are nearly done here.”

 

“Dr. Corrigan,” Sarek nodded to him while he approached Amanda who was still rubbing her arm from the injection.  He crossed fingers with her.  You need further treatment, my wife?  he asked across the link. Are you unwell?

 

No beloved, she replied.  I started a hormone therapy to be ready to nurse our son when he comes out of the incubator.

 

I see, he responded.  He didn’t need to ask why she would want to nurse her son even when he would be given all the necessary nutrients without being nursed.  He could feel her motherly instinct to care for her child on her own.  Of course, some important nutrients, which Amanda’s milk could not provide, would have to be added to the child’s food.

 

“May I ask when you intend to remove my son from the ICU?” he asked Daniel.

 

Daniel was surprised at the question. He knew Vulcan couples communicated over their marital bond and assumed Amanda had given the information to her husband.  “Well,” Daniel answered, “that will depend mainly on him. If he continues to progress at his current rate, we will be able to transfer him to the Neonatal Care Unit in four days. Amanda should be ready by then to provide milk for him.  Until then she is officially released from the hospital.  She promised me that she would take it easy for the next few days.  Although she is fully healed, her body is not accustomed to extensive activity.  It is important she does not overexert herself."  He paused slightly, then added, "This includes physical intimacies as well.”  He looked at both of them intently for some seconds to emphasize this point.

 

He could see no reaction in Sarek’s impassive face. Only the slight straightening of his posture hinted at his discomfort about discussing such topics.  Daniel knew how closed up Vulcans were regarding their intimate lives but this had to be said in order to prevent a setback in Amanda’s healing process .  He looked at her and waited until she finally nodded.  “Very well. If you have no further questions I will take my leave of you now,” Daniel said finally.  All three of them got up and left the office, Daniel heading off for a meeting, while Sarek and Amanda left to take their leave of their son.

 

***

 

First they returned to Amanda’s room to collect her personal belongings.  When they were done they separated, Sarek heading for the administration office to get the discharge papers, while Amanda made her way slowly to the ICU.  She went with mixed feelings. On the one hand she didn’t want to leave her child, but on the other hand she was more than relieved to leave the hospital and return home.

 

She took more time than usual to say goodbye to her son. She remembered Sarek’s words when they had talked about her feelings shortly before coming here.  He had stated calmly and logically that she had only been able to visit the boy once a day while she stayed at the hospital and she would continue to do so while she was at home.  The fact that there would be a greater distance between her and the child didn’t make a difference to him.  She knew he was basically right. There was no logical reason to be concerned.  Their son was well cared for and had gained even more weight and strength during the last weeks.  Nevertheless she felt the pain of parting heavy on her while she took her leave from her son.  She would see him again in less than a full day but even this short time stretched like an eternity before her.

 

She smiled fondly when she saw he had awakened.  He didn’t need a respirator anymore and yawned deeply while flexing his little hands.  Her smile deepened while she watched him.

 

“Good morning, my precious,” she murmured softly.  It was the same greeting she had given him the day she had nearly lost him.  Her heart constricted when she thought about how easily he could have died that morning.  Her sorrow was replaced quickly by delight when she saw him turning his head in her direction.  He had recently started to react to her voice.  Each time she had held him she had talked softly to him.  She knew he could not understand her words but the soft vibrations emanating through her chest when she spoke visibly soothed him.

 

She heard the doors to the ICU slide open and soon felt the familiar presence of her husband beside her.  She took his hand and they stood together looking down at their child.  Sarek felt her anxiety about leaving her son and projected comfort and assurance that he would be fine.  He promised her that he would visit Spock the next day as soon as he could.  He stroked the baby’s cheek softly with one finger watching the little face turn to the warmth of his hand.  He withdrew his hand and waited until his wife was ready to leave.  She laid a kiss on one of her fingertips and placed her hand on the child’s forehead.

 

“Bye, little one,” she said softly.  She drew a deep breath and finally turned away to leave.

 

***

 

According to Daniel’s advice Sarek had parked their groundcar in the underground car park to avoid being accosted by the journalists who still waited in front of the hospital.

 

They took the turbolift to Sublevel Three and exited. Realizing they were alone they held hands like human lovers while they went to their groundcar.  Opening the co-driver's door, Sarek helped his wife into her seat.  Amanda endured the procedure although she thought he was being overly cautious with her.  After he had made sure she was comfortable he placed her luggage on the back seat of the car and took his place in the driver's seat.

 

It was already getting dark outside when they left the underground car park. As soon as they passed the gate of the hospital compound, the flashlights of at least a dozen holocams lit the inside of their car.

 

Sarek saw Amanda flinch instinctively as the journalists, who were all around the car, positioned their holocams as near as they could to the windows to get the best picture.  Quickly he flipped the button for the doorlocks and the window control.  With reassuring clicks each door was locked in less than a second while the window control darkened the windows until they could not be seen from the outside.  Normally both of them were used to holocams and flashes from the many embassy receptions, but these had been official events and neither of them wanted to see their private matters discussed in the media.

 

Suddenly Vulcan security guards appeared and ended the siege quickly and efficiently.  Losing no time Sarek manoeuvred quickly through the passage that had been cleared for them and pulled out into the evening traffic.

 

He cast a quick glance at his wife and saw her clutching the armrest of her seat while she gazed nervously behind her. 

 

“They won’t follow us, Amanda,” he said to her softly. “They will have enough to do with explaining their unauthorized gathering in front of the hospital.”

 

She relaxed visibly and smiled at him. “I guess you are right. I have been off this media circus too long. They really startled me.  Besides, I don’t want them to pry into our private lives and speculate about Spock’s or my condition.”

 

“Neither do I, Amanda,” he answered and returned his attention to the road. 

 

The small townhouse lay on the outskirts of Shi'kahr and was surrounded by thick stone walls. Normally the street was quiet with only a few groundcars parked along the garden walls of each house.  This evening, however, the street was buzzing with activity.  Vans from the different media services filled the street.  People were busily working on setting up and adjusting media equipment.  As soon as they realized the Ambassador’s car was approaching, they took their position in front of the gate to Sarek’s and Amanda’s house. Others approached the car, the flashes of the holocams bright in the darkness.

 

“Oh no,” Amanda moaned. “How could they have known I left the hospital today?”

 

“I saw these same media vans in front of the hospital earlier. They probably contacted their colleagues to wait here for us,” he answered.

 

During the past weeks there had always been journalists around the house but never this many.  He had always refused to give them information when he had come in direct contact with them, but they never stopped trying.  Today there were too many to risk opening the huge garden gate to drive in.  They could easily follow them in. They would have to leave the car outside and get in through the smaller gate.  Cautiously, he drove as near to the smaller gate as he could, positioning the car in such a way that his wife could easily reach the gate in a couple of steps.

 

The view inside their car was still blocked by the darkened windows and he reached for his wife.  Feeling her anxiety through the bond, he squeezed her hand reassuringly.  She tore her gaze away from the people that gathered around the car and looked into his calm brown eyes.

 

Do not answer any of their questions, aduna, regardless of how personal they are. They will get all they need to know at the official news conference.  Any information they get now will only lead to further speculation, he transmitted through the bond.

 

It won’t be easy, but I'll try, she answered.

 

He reached for her luggage on the back seat and cast a last look at his wife. “Are you ready, Amanda?” he asked. Perceiving her nervousness, he added silently, Do not be afraid. I will be right beside you.

 

She smiled weakly at him and nodded. 

 

He unlocked the doors. As soon as he opened his door, the flashes intensified and questions started immediately; the crowd of reporters closing around him like a swarm of Terran insects.

 

“Mr. Ambassador, is it true the child was born disabled?” - “Is it even alive?” - “Is it correct your wife suffered a nervous breakdown?” - “Mr. Ambassador…”

 

Sarek ignored the cascade of questions, his face as controlled as ever as he rounded the car to get to Amanda’s side.  Stopping just inches from the door he looked at the black window, knowing without seeing that his wife was nervously watching him.  He nodded almost imperceptibly and the door opened, allowing his wife to exit the car.  As soon as she appeared, the reporters gathered even closer around them, holding their holocams and vid units above the heads of their colleagues to get a picture of her.  Sarek was glad he had parked the car in such a way that the front of it was blocking access to his wife from one side, while he acted as a living shield on the other.

 

Numerous questions arose again as the couple wove their way to the garden gate.  “Lady Amanda, please, a short statement…” - “Is the child alive?” - “Why didn’t you bring it home with you?”

 

Although it was difficult to ignore the questions they somehow managed to reach the garden gate, Sarek pushing aside people gently but insistently all the way.  He reached out for the control panel of the gate and pressed his hand to the sensor.  The sensor opened the gate, recognizing Sarek’s fingerprints.  Sarek still shielded his wife from direct contact with the reporters but their questions reached and hurt her nevertheless.  She gritted her teeth to prevent herself from answering heatedly.  She was nearly past Sarek and into the confines of the garden when one question undid her. 

 

 “Lady Amanda, is it true your daughter was born with multiple disfigurements? Is she a freak?”

 

Enough! she thought angrily and whirled to face the person that dared to ask such a question.  Before Sarek could react, she spat, “My SON is far from being disfigured!  He may be weak and born premature but he is no freak! How dare you speak such nonsense!”

 

She cursed herself silently when she saw the reporter smile victoriously.  All the others were busily taking notes. Damn! she thought as it dawned on her that the reporter hadn’t even known the gender of the child.  Nobody had so far.  He had provoked her with a question he had made up completely.  Now she had involuntarily given them information.  She stared at him with burning eyes until she felt Sarek tug on her arm. She let him guide her in and close the gate behind them.

 

***

 

They heard the other reporters congratulate their colleague who had been able to draw the first bit of information.  The voices subsided only when the heavy doors of their townhouse closed behind them.  It was pitch dark inside.

 

“Computer, lights on full," Sarek addressed the computer system.

 

Immediately the lights flashed on.  Without looking back at him Amanda crossed the hall and disappeared into the dark living room.  Sarek sighed quietly.  He placed her luggage on the counter in the hallway and followed his wife. He found her in front of the huge window that presented a full view of the garden behind the house.  Her posture was rigid, her arms crossed before her chest, and her head tilted slightly upwards in a defiant position.  He knew she was upset about her outburst but he didn’t blame her.  The reporter had used unfair psychological methods, pulling the right strings to activate the protective instincts of a mother.  Unfair maybe, but efficient, he had to admit.  Sensing his wife’s need for comfort, he slid his arms around her from behind and loosened the stiff posture of her arms to take her hands in his. 

 

She relaxed and turned to face him. Gripping the fabric of his outer robe tightly she leaned her head on his chest. 

 

He closed his arms around her and hugged her while he rested his chin on the top of her head.

 

“I’m sorry, Sarek. You warned me about them and now I gave them more fuel for their fire of rumors," she murmured against his chest.

 

“Shh,” he soothed. “They provoked you.  You are still not completely recovered and your emotional state is not yet as well balanced as it usually is.  This person took advantage of that fact and attacked you where you are most vulnerable.  He is the one to blame.”  He emphasized his statement by sending her warm impulses over their link.  She relaxed even more against him and they stood for some minutes more until the chimes of the comm unit forced them apart. Placing a soft kiss on her head he released her and walked to his study to answer the call.

 

Slowly she walked into the hallway and picked up her luggage from the counter. She was still angry with herself about what she had done but it was done and couldn’t be changed.  With a sigh she climbed the steps to the second floor where the master bedroom was located.  She passed Sarek’s study and saw him sitting in front of the comm unit, discussing his upcoming computer science class with one of his colleagues.  She smiled fondly and continued further down the hall.  She passed the antique pendulum clock from her grandmother, stopping to listen to the soothing familiar sound of its ticking which she had heard since her birth. 

 

Collecting her thoughts she moved on until she passed the chamber that would become their son’s room.  She opened the door and activated the lights.  She smiled when she saw that Sarek had finished the room.  The walls were painted in a light ochre tone, giving the room a warm and friendly atmosphere. The large windows were covered with filigree curtains that had the same color as the walls and which were flowing in the light evening breeze. Heavier curtains of a more reddish tone lined each side of the window. They could be drawn shut to cover the window and block most of the burning rays of the Vulcan sun.  She imagined the soft red glow that would penetrate the curtains when the sun hit them.  Her gaze roamed further and she gasped in surprised when she spotted the old rocking chair and the family cradle that had always been in the nurseries of her family.  She went to the chair.  Numerous generations of Graysons had been nursed in this chair.  She touched the dark wood softly and ran her fingers over the curved armrest, feeling all the notches that had appeared over time.  Smiling softly she pushed against the back of the chair until it moved.  She removed her hand and watched as the chair rocked back and forth all the while gently creaking.  She turned to the cradle that stood a few feet away.  Its dark polished surface shining in the light of the ceiling lamp, it rocked gently from side to side when she touched it.  Between the rocking chair and the cradle stood a floor lamp whose lampshade was tilted toward the ceiling.  She switched it on and ordered the computer to turn off the ceiling lamp. The soft glow of the floor lamp filled the room and created a pleasant atmosphere. 

 

There was a closet in the Vulcan style on the left wall. On its right side was a changing area for the child.

 

She approached the closet and opened one door.  The shelves were filled with neatly folded infant clothing.  She picked one up and inspected it.  It was cut in a Vulcan style, too.  She frowned. They hadn’t been able to buy any clothing for their son yet and these clothes, although in very good condition, were not new.

 

“My mother provided them,” Sarek answered her silent question.

 

Starting at the sound of his voice she turned around and saw him standing in the doorway. “Your mother?” she repeated incredulously.

 

“Yes,” he answered and closed the distance between them. “I wore them when I was an infant.”

 

She looked at him. She couldn’t believe Sarek’s mother had actually done this. She had been one of Sarek’s family members that had opposed their marriage.

 

“Well, I’m honestly surprised,” she said.  "Did she change her opinion about our marriage?”

 

“I do not know,” he confessed.  "She came by while you were in stasis and brought the clothes, stating it would be only logical to provide them since none of us had the time to purchase some of our own.  The furnishings of this room are also her work, under my direction, of course," he added.

 

“Really,” she answered.  "Well, in that case I will contact her tomorrow and congratulate her on her work. It's beautiful.” She really liked it. It had nothing of the overstuffed type of rooms human parents created for their children. It created a pleasant and calming atmosphere for the child. ‘Hm, maybe some plants and pictures are missing,' she thought to herself and made a mental note to get them along with a mobile which she wanted to place above the cradle.

 

“When did you get the chair and the cradle?” she asked him.

 

“Your parents sent them before… the accident,” he said.  "It was to have been a surprise for you when you returned home with our child.”

 

She smiled fondly at him. “Thank you Sarek. It still is a lovely surprise and I will return from the hospital with our son someday. Therefore, the gesture is not lost.”

 

She closed the distance between them and tilted her face upward.  He did not disappoint her and their lips met in a loving kiss. 

 

When they separated she held up the item she had picked up from the closet and placed it on his chest.  It was an unbelievably small jumpsuit.

 

“You once fit into that?” she asked with a disbelieving grin.

 

He only raised an eyebrow. He was just about to answer when the comm unit chimed again.

 

“Home, sweet home.” She rolled her eyes and dropped her hands to her sides. He brushed his fingers softly along her cheek and left the room to answer the call.

 

Taking a last look around she switched off the light and left to unpack her bag.

 

***

 

She continued down the hallway and opened the door to the master bedroom.  Commanding the computer to activate the lights she took a look around the room.  Nothing had changed since she left.  Well, it had only been a couple of weeks but she felt like she had been away much longer. She approached the large wooden bed that stood against the left wall of the room and flopped down on it, her travelling bag still in her hand.  She saw the sculptured vase on her nightstand and smiled when she noticed that Sarek had continued her habit of keeping one fresh cut rose from her own garden in it.

 

‘It’s hot in here,’ she thought.  Someone must have forgotten to draw the outer curtains that normally blocked the heat of the sun.  She approached the large window and opened it to let in the crisp night air.  The lighter inner curtains waved softly in the breeze and she drew them back to enjoy the coolness of the night.  Only the sounds of the desert were audible.  Obviously the gathering in front of their house had dispersed.  A flash of anger shot through her when she remembered the incident of a few minutes before.  She took a deep, calming breath of the cold air and tried to dismiss the thought as something that was not worth thinking about.  It could not be undone, therefore, agitating herself with thinking about it was a waste of time.  

 

Dropping her gaze to the garden she tried to make out the condition of her roses and was suddenly reminded of another incident that had taken place there weeks ago.  Without thinking she laid a hand on her now-flat abdomen and thought about the child she had nearly lost.  Tears welled up in her eyes and she turned abruptly from the window refusing to think about how closely they had come to losing another child.  Determined, she made her way to the closet and started to put the unworn clothes back onto the shelves or back on hangers.  Dropping the soiled clothes into the recycler, she went into the bathroom to freshen up.

 

Splashing water onto her face, she tried to erase the last fragments of the fear she had felt moments earlier.  She reached for a nearby pile of clean towels and dried her face.  When she met her own gaze in the huge mirror she was shocked to see how worn she still looked.  Corrigan had released her fully recovered from the hospital but her face looked ashen and the dark circles under her eyes emphasized the pale color.  The psychological scars that were reflected in her face would need more time to heal.

 

She caught sight of the huge oval bathtub that was in one corner of the large room and decided a hot bath would be the perfect medicine to calm her strained nerves.  Turning the water on, she poured some of the herbal bath essence under the stream and shed her clothes.  She eased herself carefully into the hot water and leaned back with a moan as the tension began to leave her body.  She silently thanked her husband again for installing the bathtub for her.  Under normal circumstances, no Vulcan household would allow such a waste of water but the water was cleaned after use in the recycle system and could be used again.

 

When the water rose to her chin, she shut off the faucet and closed her eyes to relish the soothing warmth.  Breathing in the fumes of the herbal bath essence, she felt herself relax. She smiled when she recalled the day Sarek and she had ‘christened’ the tub after it was installed.  It had been the first time she had been able to persuade him to take a bath in a bathtub with real water rather than use the sonic shower.  Her smile grew even broader when she recalled what they did in the tub that day.  It had been too long since the two of them had been together that way and she felt her desire for him getting stronger every minute.

 

Teasingly she let her feelings flow through the bond and smiled when she could hear Sarek clearing his throat as he was still talking on the comm unit.

 

***

 

After finishing the call, Sarek went to see his wife.  He had felt the wave of desire from her, distracting him from his conversation with Sendet.  His wife's...feelings caused him some discomfort, but he managed to control his features so Sendet was none the wiser...at least he hoped he did. 

 

Curious as to what changed Amanda's mood so quickly, he entered their bedroom but found it empty.  Only the curtains were still waving in the chilly air.  He closed the windows and drew the heavy curtains when he heard a splashing sound from the bathroom.

 

Opening the door to the bathroom he found his wife in the huge bathtub.  A slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he approached the tub and knelt down at its side. 

 

Amanda opened her eyes and gave him a seductive smile.  “Want to join me?” she asked in a low voice.

 

“That would be unwise,” he answered in an equally low tone.

 

“Oh, come on, Sarek. You know this tub is big enough for both of us," she begged, “Besides, you look like you could use some relaxation too.”  She lifted one hand to his face and drew a wet line from his cheek to his lips.

 

He caught her hand in his and kissed it.  The corners of his mouth twitched slightly when he answered, “Indeed. We have sufficient proof that it is.”  She giggled and closed her hand tightly around his.  “But,” he continued, “I also know how you define relaxation and the doctor’s orders were very specific.  No physical strain until you are fully healed.”

 

She sighed and gave up her attempt to seduce him.  There was no way once he had made up his mind. 

 

Squeezing her hand slightly he send her a warm affectionate impulse over the bond.  “Would you like something to eat?” he asked.

 

“I think I will soak for another twenty minutes but how about a light salad before retiring?” she answered.

 

“Very well.  I shall be in the study until then,” he said, and got up.

 

She followed his graceful movements with her eyes until he left the room.  Sighing and a bit disappointed, she leaned back again and closed her eyes.

 

***

 

After she had finished her bath she went down to the kitchen.  She found Sarek just setting their food on the kitchen counter.  They took their usual places and ate their supper in silence as was Vulcan custom.  After cleaning up the dishes they went upstairs and prepared for bed.  Normally they would have shared a cup of tea in the living room and talked about the day’s events but they both felt fatigued and thought it best to renew their strength with a long period of sleep.

 

Amanda enjoyed lying in her own bed finally.  The warmth of her husband, who lay spooned against her back, felt delicious.  His one arm draped over her waist as he held her in a possessive embrace.  She took his large hand between her own and hugged it to her chest. 

 

He squeezed her hand in return.  Sleep well, aduna, he sent over the bond and placed a tender kiss on the back of her neck.  Soon the familiar sound of her deep, even breathing indicated she had drifted into slumber. 

 

***

 

Amanda tried to contact Sarek’s mother the next morning to thank her for her work with the nursery but the comm unit informed her that Skon had been called to a conference in K’Lan-Ne and T’Lara had accompanied him.

 

She sighed and closed the connection.  She didn’t know what to expect from T’Lara.  Their previous meetings had not gone very well.  Amanda had always felt like T’Lara would have preferred that Sarek chose a Vulcan woman instead of her, but she had never openly voiced her displeasure.  Only the hidden aura of disapproval surrounded her.

 

Amanda wondered what could have caused her to change her mind and help them with setting up the nursery.  Maybe Skon was the cause.  He had welcomed Amanda into the family with nearly un-Vulcan warmth.  The two of them had liked each other instantly.

 

She dismissed the thought and decided to wait until she could speak to T’Lara personally. 

 

Scrolling through the menu in Sarek’s address book, she searched for the comm code that would connect her to her parents on Earth.  She found it but hesitated to activate it.

 

‘What time is it in Minnesota now?’ she wondered.  Biting her bottom lip she tried to remember the exact formula to calculate the time difference between Vulcan and Earth.  Her brows knit together in concentration, but she couldn’t remember all the factors. There was not only a time difference between the two planets, the actual time was also dependent on the location on the planet.

 

She tried another approach. “Computer,” she addressed the unit.

 

“Working,” replied a flat electronic voice. “State your request.”

 

“Calculate the time difference between Vulcan and Earth,” she said.

 

“Acknowledged,” the unit replied. “Please state the calculation factors.”

 

'Which calculation factors?' she wondered. ‘If I knew them I could calculate it myself. Damn machine! That’s why I prefer not to use them,’ she thought.

 

“Please state the calculation factors,” the annoying computer demanded again.

 

“Specify calculation factors,” she said instead and wondered with raised eyebrows whether the machine would accept that.

 

“Working,” replied the unit. Amanda rolled her eyes silently.

 

“Calculation factors: current location of source, current time of source, location on target planet.”

 

“Okay,” she sighed, “Current location: Shi’Kahr, Vulcan; current time: 10:54 am Vulcan time; location on target: Maplewood, Minnesota.”

 

“Improper input. Please repeat.”

 

Taking a deep calming breath Amanda repeated the calculation factors.

 

“Working,” the unit replied finally.

 

“Local time is 07:43 am, Maplewood, Minnesota, Earth.”

 

‘Why didn’t you say so the first time,’ Amanda thought. “Good, they won’t be sleeping anymore,” she murmured to herself.  She knew her parents never slept long and probably had to clear the snow off the walks at this time of the year.

 

She made the call and waited while the comm unit showed a blinking ‘please wait’ while it established the call.

 

She leaned back in the comfortable chair and thought about how long it had been since she talked to her parents.  The hospital allowed no subspace communications.  Those types of comm units were only available in certain areas of the VSA and she had not been allowed access to them.

 

Sarek, however, had spoken to her parents several times while she was hospitalized.  He also told them of his son's recent brush with death.  They had been very concerned for her health and the baby's, and had offered to come directly to Vulcan.  Sarek had been able to persuade them to stay on Earth.  Her father had been suffering from a difficult bout of pneumonia and was still not fully recovered.  The trip and change of climate would be too much for him.  She had sent them a letter to let them know she and the baby were recovering but she knew they were as eager to speak with her as she was to contact them.

 

Finally the screen lit up with ‘Connection successful’ and a beeping sound indicating the comm unit in her parent’s house was chiming.

 

Amanda leaned forward expectantly. 

 

After the third chime the screen lit up and showed the face of her mother.  “Amanda!” she exclaimed, “My baby, how are you?  Are you completely healed, my poor dear?”

 

“Hi, Mom,” Amanda answered.  Tears of joy shone in her eyes upon seeing her mother after nearly three months.  “Yes, I’m fine and getting stronger every day.”

 

“Are you sure? You look so tired," her mother said, still concerned.

 

“Yes, Mom, don’t worry. I’m fine.” 

 

“How is the little one? It’s a boy, isn’t it?”

 

Amanda frowned. “Yes.  How do you know that?”

 

“It was in the news today,” Nell answered.

 

‘Boy, they are really quick with spreading the news,’ Amanda thought.

 

“Ah, really,” she said to her mother, “Well, he…”

 

“Oh, wait, I'll get your father. He's outside shoveling snow.  Y'know, we got five inches added to the ten we already had.”

 

"He's outside?” Amanda asked incredulously.  "Sarek said he had pneumonia.”

 

Nell sighed. “Yes, I told him to stay inside and rest, but you know your father.  You can't keep him cooped up inside for long.  He always has to be doing something.”

 

Amanda smiled fondly. “I know.”

 

“Hold on, I'll get him,” Nell said and rushed from the room.

 

She heard the back door open and her mother's voice say, "Al! Put away that shovel and get to the comm unit.  Amanda is calling from Vulcan.”

 

Amanda heard the door being shut and hastily approaching footsteps.

 

“Come on,” Nell urged.

 

“Wait, my shoes,” her father's voice said.

 

“Al, for heavens sake leave them on and get to the comm unit.”

 

Amanda chuckled quietly at her parent's little argument. 

 

An instant later her mother was back on the screen.  The face of her father appeared over her shoulder, his nose and cheeks a bright red from the cold.  His face lit up with a brilliant smile when he caught sight of his daughter.  “There's my little girl! How are you, sweetie?” he asked cheerfully.

 

“Dad, it’s good to see you.  I’m fine, and before you ask, the baby is, too,“ she answered.

 

“It’s good to hear that.  You two gave us quite a scare,” her father said, his expression becoming more serious.  Suddenly he turned his head to one side and coughed heavily.

 

“Mom told me about the pneumonia, Dad. You shouldn't be out shoveling snow," Amanda admonished her father.

 

“Ah, girl, you know your ol’ man. Can’t sit quiet for a minute," he answered with a wink.

 

She sighed. “Yes, I know, but please be careful.  Pneumonia is not easy to deal with and can cause severe damage to the lungs.”

 

“Thanks for the diagnosis, Doctor," he said.  Noticing her concerned expression, he added, “Okay, I promise I'll be careful.  But hey, why are we talking about me? How is my grandson doing?”

 

Amanda filled him in on Spock’s condition and told them everything that happened since the accident.  In the end she was able to convince them she was indeed recovering and invited them to attend Spock’s official naming ceremony.  Taking her leave from her parents, she cut the connection and prepared to go back to the hospital to see Spock.

 

***

 

The next three days were uneventful save for the fact they were continuously assailed by herds of reporters who tried to get more information about the child’s condition each time they left the house.  The gatherings continued until Sarek got a transporter installed in the house.  This way they could beam directly to the hospital without venturing out of their home.

 

On the fourth day after Amanda’s release from the hospital, Spock was also released from the ICU and transferred to the Neonatal Care Unit. 

 

Amanda felt nervous.  Today she would nurse her son for the first time.  They beamed over to the hospital shortly after breakfast and attended a meeting with Daniel in his office.  T’Sel, Daniel's assistant, looked up from her desk when the two of them entered the anteroom to Corrigan’s office.  After greetings were exchanged she ushered them in, telling them to wait for Daniel who would attend five minutes later.  She placed a tray of refreshments from the replicator on a small table near Daniel’s desk and filled two glasses of chilled water for Sarek and Amanda before she retreated to the anteroom, closing the door behind her.

 

Amanda sat nervously in her seat and rolled the glass of water between her hands.  Sarek sat beside her and watched with an almost amused expression, while he leaned back in his chair and steepled his hands in front of him.

 

Amanda caught him staring at her.  “What?" she asked. 

 

“I am merely observing you,” he answered.

 

Amanda rolled her eyes. “Okay, why?”

 

“You are behaving most illogically,” he answered.

 

“Oh, really? Because I’m nervous?”

 

“Yes. Why would you fear something that is only natural?”

 

She set her glass on the desk in front of her and clasped her hands together.  “I’m not afraid, Sarek. That’s the wrong word.  I’m…excited and a little bit nervous.  He is used to being fed by other people. What if he refuses me?” she whispered.

 

“I do not think this will happen,” Sarek answered. “You are his mother; he will recognize you.”

 

She smiled weakly. “Thanks for the encouragement.”

 

The door to the office opened and Daniel entered.  “Good morning,” he greeted them.  He stopped beside Amanda’s chair and looked down at her.  “Are you ready?  I have a little patient who is eager to have his first natural meal,” he said cheerfully.

 

Amanda took a deep breath and got up from her seat. “I’m more than ready.  I think your hormone therapy worked overtime.  The pressure in my breasts is really uncomfortable now.”

 

“That is quite normal,” Daniel said.  "You'll feel better soon.”

 

He led them to the Neonatal Care Unit and showed them into a quiet, comfortable room with an examination table and a large comfortable-looking chair.  He vanished through a door to the left and returned a short time later with the baby in his arms.  He approached the examination table and took off the blankets, which were wrapped around the infant.  Amanda and Sarek stood beside him to watch as he examined their son.

 

The little boy was dressed in a white jumpsuit made of a soft white material, his head covered with a warm cap to prevent heat loss.  His eyes were open and he tried to take in his surroundings but his eyes refused to focus and wandered from one side to the other continuously.  His arms moved without coordination while he kicked his legs.

 

Daniel smiled and held down the tiny legs while he ran a medical scanner over the child.  Obviously content with the readings, he told Amanda to sit down in the large chair.  She did so and opened the front of her pelal kan-bu'tor, a special robe worn by Vulcan  women who had a child to nurse.  It allowed easy access without exposing more of the woman than was necessary.

 

She waited nervously until Daniel laid the warm bundle into her waiting arms.  At this moment his beeper went off, calling him away to an emergency.  “I will send in a nurse to help you,” he said on the way out.

 

“That will not be necessary,” came a familiar voice from the door.

 

“T’sai T’Lara,” Daniel greeted her. “Will you assist your daughter-in-law?”

 

“Of course,” she answered and stepped aside to let Corrigan pass.  She then looked meaningfully at her son who still was in the room.

 

Sarek moved towards her and extended his hands, his palms turned upwards and hands crossed at the wrists.  “Greetings, Mother.  I hope the conference was successful and your journey pleasant.”

 

She laid her hands upon his in the Vulcan family embrace.  “Greetings to you also, my son.  The conference was successful, however, your father had to remain to work out further details.  He sends his greetings to both of you.”

 

Sarek inclined his head.

 

“Please leave us now, Sarek.  You are not needed here." 

 

“As you wish, Mother.”  He took a last encouraging look at his wife and left.

 

Amanda sat in the chair and watched Sarek leave.  Inwardly, she was disappointed and a little bit angry that T’Lara had sent him out.  On the other hand, it was not common for Vulcan fathers to attend their child's feeding.  Logically they were not needed for the process and, therefore, their presence was unnecessary.  She was glad that Sarek was willing to attend but they would have to wait until she was at home with the child.  She decided to drop the matter and say nothing in order to keep the fragile peace between her and T'Lara. 

 

She eyed T’Lara warily when the older woman approached.  “T’sai,” she said.  “I’m honored by your assistance.”

 

T’Lara inclined her head in acknowledgement and replied, “I come to serve.”  She looked down at the infant and her features softened visibly.

 

“I also wish to thank you for the work you did in the nursery.  It is most … aesthetically pleasing,” Amanda continued.

 

T’Lara looked at her and Amanda thought she saw a brief flash of contentment cross the older woman’s features before she controlled them carefully.

 

“Sarek told me about your plans for the room.  I merely did the finishing touches and provided the clothing,” she replied simply, but the tone of her voice spoke of her gratitude for the praise.

 

The child gave a loud, protesting squeak causing both women to focus their attention on him.

 

“I think he is really hungry now.” Amanda smiled and tried to adjust the child nearer to her.

 

“No,” T’Lara said, “you have to hold him this way.”  She took Amanda’s right arm and adjusted it until it supported the child efficiently.  “Now hold him a little bit higher.”

 

Amanda followed her instructions until the baby’s cheek rested against her breast.  Instinctively, the child turned his face to the warmth of her body, his lips brushing against her nipple.  He refused it at first but finally latched on and began to suckle with amazing strength.

 

Amanda stared down on him in wonder.  Her eyes filled with tears as she watched her child contently nursing.  The feeling of having a child was suddenly much more real and she felt an overwhelming happiness.  This was what she had wished for months; to see and feel her child living and healthy.

 

‘My son,’ she thought and lifted her other hand to softly stroke the baby’s cheek with the backside of her finger.  Carefully she eased back into the chair and settled herself in a comfortable position.

 

After ten minutes the strength of the baby’s suckling lessened noticeably.  “I think he has enough for now,” Amanda said.

 

“And he is nearly sleeping,” T’Lara added.  She extended her hands. “May I?”

 

“Of course,” Amanda said and detached the child carefully from her breast.  He stirred slightly but did not protest.  T’Lara wrapped him securely in her arms and waited until Amanda had refastened her robe.  T'Lara handed the baby back to her and turned to the door through which Daniel had brought the child in. “I will call a nurse to take him back to his bed," she said.

 

Amanda walked up and down the room, rocking the infant slightly in her arms.  She called out to Sarek mentally and a moment later he entered the room, followed by Dr. Corrigan.

 

He extended two of his fingers to her and she touched them, transmitting all of her joy through the bond.  He responded in kind and looked down adoringly at their son.

 

When they separated, Daniel took the child carefully from Amanda’s arms and took him back to his bed.

 

“I must take my leave of you,” T’Lara said. “I wish to prepare for your father's return.”

 

Surprisingly, she turned to Amanda and presented her with the same ritual embrace she had used to greet her son.  Amanda smiled slightly and used all of the mental techniques Sarek had taught her to shield her emotions before she touched the other woman’s hands.

 

T’Lara raised an eyebrow when the expected battering of Human emotions against her shields did not occur.  She squeezed the younger woman’s hands lightly and released her.  Nodding to her son, she left the room.

 

Sarek looked after her with a raised eyebrow.  Obviously the two women had found peace.  He hoped they would be able to strengthen that peace between them.

 

His thoughts were interrupted by Daniel, who entered from the other room, carrying a curious device in one hand.  “Well, Amanda, it seems he takes the milk very well.  I assume you don’t want to stay in the hospital, therefore, I would ask you to provide milk with this breast pump.  I will show you how to use it.”

 

The milk she would have to gain later would be thinned with additional nutrients which Amanda’s body could not provide and would therefore be enough to sustain the child for the remainder of the day. After Daniel had instructed her how to use the breast pump she was free again to leave the hospital.

 

Sarek took his leave of her in the spacious lobby of the complex and left to teach his morning class.  She stepped in front of the large windows and watched him stride in the direction of the computer science buildings of the VSA. 

 

***

 

The following six weeks were spent in nearly the same way.  Amanda would go to the hospital once a day to visit and nurse the child.  She would bring the milk she expressed the previous day with her and the nurses would mix it with the nutrients Spock needed and feed this to him when Amanda wasn’t there.  He was eleven months old now, but was still premature for a Vulcan child.  Fortunately, his human genes enabled him to be fully developed a little bit earlier.  He had gained half a pound of weight every week and had now reached a weight of 6.5 pounds, a healthy birth weight for a human male infant.

 

***

 

Amanda walked through the door to the nursery and checked it out thoroughly.  Every necessary piece of baby equipment was still there.  She drew the heavy curtains to block the sun.  It would not be good for the child to be exposed to the heat of the day.

 

She took one last approving look at the room and went to the transporter.  She set the coordinates of her destination then stood still and soon felt the tickling sensation of the transporter beam.

 

She materialized at the VSA.  Sarek waited beside the transporter console and extended two fingers in the traditional embrace when she stepped from the transporter pad and approached him.

 

Their fingers touched and their bond pulsed with intensified activity.  Both shared the feeling of relief of finally being able to take their child home with them.  They separated and began their walk to the hospital.

 

When they arrived at the Neonatal Care Unit they were ushered into the same room Amanda had nursed their son in for the past six months.  Daniel was bent over the child conducting a final examination.  He looked up from his patient and greeted them.  “You don’t have to wait long.  I will be finished soon. Just one last hypo.”  He adjusted the hypo and pressed it to the skin of the child.  A hissing sound was heard when the medicine was released into the child’s blood.

 

The boy gave a startled cry, his little upswept brows bunching together.

 

“Na, sh…” Daniel soothed, “it's all over.”

 

He picked up the boy and laid him in the portable baby seat, adjusting the security belts and covering him with a light blanket.  Sarek stepped forward and took the seat from Daniel’s hands. 

 

Amanda went to stand beside him and drew back the blanket.  She stroked the boy’s cheek.  “Hey there,” she cooed. “Are we ready to go home?”

 

Sarek raised an eyebrow and Daniel smiled.  “You can go home,” he said. “Please see me in two weeks for a thorough examination and call me immediately if something is wrong.”

 

“Of course,” Sarek replied.

 

They took their leave of Daniel and headed back to the main transporter area.

 

***

 

Fifteen minutes later they materialized on the transporter platform in their house.  Amanda took a deep breath.  Sarek watched her curiously.

 

“We really brought him home, Sarek,” she said.  “This is one of the happiest moments in my life.  I really thought we would lose him.”

 

Sarek nodded his understanding and both turned to the stairway to take the child to his room.

 

Amanda took the boy out of the baby seat and held him in her arms.  He blinked sleepily and yawned deeply.  She smiled and laid him down in the old family cradle.  She covered him with the blanket and rocked the cradle slightly.

 

They stood for a long time after the child had fallen asleep and watched him.

 

“When is the news conference?” Amanda asked finally.

 

“At 17:00 hours tomorrow,” Sarek answered.

 

“That will be the hell of a media circus,” she said with a sigh.

 

 “Indeed,” Sarek answered, “but we have the rest of today and all night,” he said, his eyes sparkling with his last words.

 

She smiled fondly at him, took his hand and led him from the room.

 

THE END