Crossroads

By Lynda M. King

Summary:  Traveling from Vulcan to Earth on a transport ship, a young Sarek and a young Amanda each stand at a crossroad in the journey of their separate lives.   Possessing infinite wisdom, experience and insight, a familiar yet mysterious 'Hostess' will set each on a course to find each other...

The sight was breathtaking. Mesmerized by the pinpoints of diamond brilliance, Amanda Grayson stood before the expanse of windows, watching the stars. The lounge was quiet.

“Can I get you something?” Guinan asked. She stood beside the young linguistics teacher.

“No, nothing. I just like to stand here. ”

“I don’t blame you,” Guinan said, her own gaze focusing on the star field. “It’s beautiful. ”

“Yes, it certainly is,” Amanda said softly. Moving to slip her hands into the deep pockets of her Vulcan robe, she suddenly realized she wasn’t wearing it. For the past year, she had taught language studies at the Vulcan Science Academy. The robe had been part of her daily work attire, identifying her as an educator while on campus. Wearing it had been a great honor. Amused by her lapse in memory, she clasped her hands in front of her.

“How about a nice cup of Meruvian tea?” Guinan offered.

“No, nothing,” Amanda replied quietly. “Thank you.”

“You’ll be leaving soon.”

Guinan’s statement pierced Amanda’s heart. She turned. “Yes,” she whispered softly. ” She hated good-byes. Having completed the terms of her contract with the Vulcan Science Academy, Amanda wasn’t sure she wanted to leave Vulcan. But that wasn’t really the truth. The truth was she was positive she didn’t want to leave. Yet here she was aboard the U.S.S. Zephyr, heading for Earth…home…The hostess met her troubled gaze and was silent. Amanda’s attention returned to the star field.

“What do you see when you look out there?” Guinan asked.

There was a pause. “Doubts. Regrets. What ifs…” Amanda’s words trailed.

Guinan smiled. “That’s not what I mean. I mean when you look out there, don’t you see your future?” It was a familiar stock question. The variation in answers was of great interest to the listener.

“I see my past,” Amanda sighed. She was engaged to be married when she accepted the English tutoring assignment that the Vulcan Embassy had offered her in San Francisco. When the Vulcan Science Academy extended her a year-long invitation to teach on Vulcan, she had, without hesitation, called off the wedding. Her actions had shocked her parents. And when she gave Jack’s ring back before she left, he was devastated.

“And the memory of what was collides with the reality of what is,” Guinan said simply. Amanda stared out the windows. “Professor Grayson, “ the listener continued, “the person one becomes depends on the person one has been. Experience doesn’t necessarily teach you something. You have to learn from it yourself. The journey in between what you once were and who you are becoming is where the dance of life really takes place.” Guinan paused. “Change is inevitable.” Unshed tears welled in Amanda’s sapphire eyes. “It isn’t easy for him, either,” the listener said softly. Watching the stars, she knew that Amanda understood her implied reference to Ambassador Sarek. Silence enveloped the two women. “Hitch your wagon to a star,” Guinan said. Amanda looked accusingly at the hostess and raised a suspecting eyebrow in a most Vulcan-like fashion. “Ralph Waldo Emerson,” the listener admitted. “I sometimes borrow.” Amanda remained silent, once again focusing her attention on the stars. Guinan smiled. “What about a cup of nectar direct from Prometheus?” 

Amanda turned. “No, nothing. That’s the third time you’ve asked me.” Her tone was sharp.

Guinan started. “That’s what I’m expected to do,” she said. “Don’t you always do what’s expected?”

“I try,” Amanda replied.

“Even if it’s not what you really want?”

“Sometimes,” Amanda said softly. “Sometimes it’s more important to consider others before yourself. And go home…” Her words trailed. “We don’t always get what we really want.”

The listener could hear the sadness in her voice. “Yes,” Guinan conceded. “But sometimes the game is to know when to consider yourself before others. Give yourself permission to be selfish. Take a chance. That’s what you have to do. That’s your next step. Because he is your destiny.”

Stars sped past.

****

Silhouetted by the collage of stars, Sarek stood in front of the viewing windows watching the threads of white light stream by. The lounge was quiet.

“Can I get you something?” Guinan asked. She stood beside the Ambassador from Vulcan, closer than a casual acquaintance would have dared, most definitely breaching the unspoken boundaries of his personal space.

“No, nothing. I simply prefer standing here.” He made no move to step away from the hostess.

“I don’t blame you,” Guinan said, her own gaze focusing on the star field. “It’s beautiful.”

“Yes, indeed it is.” In an attempt to order his thoughts, Sarek closed his eyes. For the five days he had been aboard the U.S.S. Zephyr, her image had been ever present in his mind. As illogical as it was, Sarek found it impossible not to think about…

“How long has it been?” Guinan asked.

A quiet air of sophistication surrounded him. Tall and lean with finely chiseled features, intense deep brown eyes, and a soft-spoken, mesmerizing voice, he was a formidable individual. The mysterious Vulcan’s regal aura made most crewmembers aboard the transport ship extremely nervous. He commanded a presence most noble. However, the Al-Aurian seemed quite comfortable in his dignified company. Sarek opened his eyes. “One year, two weeks and five days to be exact,” he replied. “On Terra.”

“In San Francisco,” Guinan said. “Six months at the The Boom Boom Room near StarFleet Headquarters; six months at The Bubble Lounge near the Vulcan Embassy.”

“I preferred The Bubble Lounge,” Sarek said casually, having visited both establishments.“ The view of the Bay was quite spectacular.”

The hostess smiled, knowing full well that the view was not the reason he had frequented the club. “And before that?” she asked.

“Two years, four months, one week and three days,” Sarek said. “You were working on Candari Prime.”

“Right,” Guinan replied, remembering.“ At The Liquid Kitty.” She paused. “That joint was well off the beaten path. While it certainly had ‘character,’ you never did explain how you ended up in such a disreputable establishment.”

“I was negotiating a weapons moratorium with the Candarians. Having been invited to visit his private retreat by the Chief of Council himself, my refusal might very well have escalated the potentially explosive situation.” Sarek paused, awaiting her response to his ‘joke.’

The hostess rolled her eyes. Vulcans did indeed have a sense of humor.

“When in Rome,” Sarek began.

“Do as the Romans,” Guinan finished. His flawless logic always bested her. “Before that?” she asked.

“Four months,” Sarek replied. “On the U.S.S. Mandabach.”

“Now that was a great ship,” Guinan remembered fondly.

He did not wait for her next prompt. “Eight years, seven months and four days,” Sarek said before she had even asked.

“Fat Chance Bar and Grill on Deep Space Four.” Her eyes narrowed. “If I recall, you closed the place with me every night.”

Sarek raised an eyebrow. “I was awaiting my transport,” he replied, nonchalantly.

Guinan laughed. “Of course. It was just two weeks late…”

“Indeed it was,” Sarek admitted. “However, if I recall, the delay allowed us the opportunity to engage in several ‘spirited’ debates.“ Her black eyes flashed with amusement. “Three years,” he continued.

“Skinny McDougal’s on Kaynar!” Guinan shook her head. “I certainly met some interesting aliens in that bar.”

“Ten years, five months, three weeks and two days.”

Guinan paused. “Cosmo’s. On Moesko. You were with Skon.”

“I was.”

“I’ve always liked your father,” the listener said.

“Indeed. He is most sociable. For a Vulcan,” Sarek qualified. 

His ability to recite their history of meetings with such precision never ceased to amaze her. “It’s good to see you again,” she said.

“And you,” Sarek replied.

“How about a nice cup of Meruvian tea?” Guinan offered.

“No, nothing,” he replied quietly. “Thank you.”

Guinan paused. “She’ll be leaving soon,” the listener said softly. Watching the stars, she knew that Sarek understood her implied reference to Amanda.

The Ambassador turned. “Yes,” he whispered. He could no longer ignore the reality of Amanda Grayson’s impending departure, not merely from his homeworld, but quite possibly from his life. The hostess met his troubled gaze and was silent. Sarek’s attention returned to the star field.

“What do you see when you look out there?” Guinan asked.

There was a pause. “Anar. The Hromi Cluster. Epsilon Indi. The Marakei Nebula…” His words trailed.

Guinan smiled. “That’s not what I mean. I mean, when you look out there, don’t you see your future?” It was a familiar stock question. The variation in answers was of great interest to the listener.

Knowing he was unobserved by anyone but the listener, Sarek sighed. “I see endings,” he said, staring out the windows. “A lifetime of endings.”

His response surprised her. He had hardly lived a lifetime…

“No beginnings?” she asked. “Ambassador, as a diplomat, how can you focus only on endings? For every beginning, there is an ever-present middle followed by an inevitable end. Beginning, middle, end. Completion. Don’t you see the connection?It’s circular. The result of every ending is the opportunity for each new beginning.” Silence enveloped them. “All that is worth cherishing in this world begins in the heart, not the head,” Guinan said. Sarek looked accusingly at the hostess and raised a suspecting eyebrow. “Susan Chazin,” the listener admitted. “I sometimes borrow.” Sarek remained silent, once again focusing his attention on the stars. Guinan smiled. “What about a cup of nectar direct from Prometheus?” 

Sarek turned. “No, nothing. That is the third time you have asked me.” The almost imperceptible hint of annoyance in his tone was something that only she would recognize.

Guinan started. In all the years she had known him, the listener had never before heard irritation in his voice. “That’s what I’m expected to do,” she said. “Don’t you always do what’s expected?”

“Yes,” Sarek replied.

“Even if it’s not what you really want?”

“Yes,” he admitted. “Duty and responsibility are great weights. More often than not one must cast aside self-importance. The needs of the many…”

“Outweigh the needs of the few,” Guinan finished.

“Or the one.” Sarek could almost taste the bitterness of his own words.

“Yes,” the listener agreed. “But sometimes the game is to know when to consider yourself before others. Give yourself permission to be selfish. Allow for new beginnings.” Guinan paused, locking gazes with the Ambassador. “Sometimes the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many,” the listener said softly. “She is your soul mate.”

Stars sped past.

****