An Alternate Life

By Ruth (Imzadi White)

Chapter 1

Amanda screamed as the energies of the singularity seized her, spinning her away from her son and safety. She felt like she was being torn apart piece by piece. The link she shared with Sarek stretched thinner and thinner until it snapped like an overstretched rubber band. Agony ripped through her like a dagger piercing her very soul. Amanda screamed silently as she fell back into darkness.

Amanda awoke, amazed at first to find herself still alive. Dry air gripped her throat and she could feel the solid weight of gravity pressing down on her. The surface she was lying on shifted as she moved. Red sand sifted through her fingers and around her boots as she scrambled to her hands and knees. A line of jagged hills rose on the edge of the horizon, the outline was hauntingly familiar, recognition teased just at the edge of her consciousness.

Amanda bent over in silent agony as the realisation hit her. Sarek, her bondmate, was gone. She could no longer feel his mind brushing softly against hers, as tender as a caress. Since they had bonded, he had always been a part of her. Even when he had been far away on a diplomatic mission, she could still feel his gentle touch deep within her mind. Now, she could not sense his presence at all.

The link that had become so much part of her was severed, leaving behind a cold, empty void. She shuddered; she had never felt so alone in her life before. A cry escaped her lips before she clamped down on the grief that rocked her. She refused to think that he was dead and only she survived. She didn't know how Vulcan could have been crumbling around her one moment and then solid beneath her feet the next. One thing she was sure of. If this was Vulcan, then Sarek could not be far.

Shaken, she scrambled to her feet. The bright, unforgiving sun beat down on her. It drained all the moisture from her like a greedy sponge soaking up water. She picked a direction at random and began walking. She didn't know where she was, but knew that if she didn't keep moving, she would surely die.

When night fell, the bitter cold leached the warmth of the day from her bones. Soon she was frozen to the marrow. Shivering, she continued to walk not daring to sleep for fear she would not wake up again. Vulcan was a world harsh to its inhabitants. It had taken many years for Amanda to adapt to its extremes. Now, she was glad she had.

She looked up at the stars, brilliant in the clear night sky. Her breath frosted in front of her as she tried to remember Sarek's little lectures on the constellations that Vulcans used to navigate on their world. Thinking of him sent sorrow crashing through her, almost sending her to her knees. She could no longer feel him. She didn't know if she would ever see him again. She buried her head in her hands trying to stem the flow of tears. The thought of what he would say at the waste of water caused her to smile, before a new wave of grief washed over her. She didn't know if Spock or Sarek had survived the attack on Vulcan.

She shook her head, telling herself firmly off for being so ridiculous. In spite of everything, she lived. She would believe that they did too. She set her jaw, silently vowing that she would find Sarek and then they could renew their bond. All she had to do was get out of the desert.

She searched the skies with renewed determination and then crowed with delight as she spotted a grouping of familiar stars. Sarek's advice to their son before his kahs’wan, echoed in her ears. With The Arrow over her left shoulder and The Watcher towering in front of her, Amanda strode on, more confident than before that her path would take her to civilisation.

She continued to walk through the next day and stumbled on into the night. In a haze of thirst and pain she struggled on. She stumbled over some loose rocks. Tiredness sent her sprawling. She lay for a few moments on the ground. The temptation to simply sleep was almost overwhelming. She knew if she did, she would never get up again. She called the image of Sarek and Spock to her mind. The thought of them gave her the strength to carry on. She no longer remembered how she had got there, or why she was there. She could only sense the cold emptiness within her where Sarek's quiet, tender presence used to be. She needed to find him again. She would make it. She would get home.

The sight of Shi’Kahr below her almost made her weep. She was too dehydrated to risk losing any more water. She bit her lip to stop the tears as she trudged down the last slope. Soon she would be reunited with her husband and her son. With renewed energy and determination she stumbled on.

Chapter 2

Sarek woke in the depth of the night. He lay there for a moment, trying to determine what it was that had brought him out of the first proper sleep that he’d had in days. A noise outside caught his ear. Sarek frowned as he got out of bed. Whatever was in the garden was not interested in concealing its presence. A faint cry brought him to the window. He peered out into the light cast by T’Kuht, The Watcher. A dim shape staggered below. Sarek’s eyebrow rose in surprise as a pale face looked up at him. The human female stared at him a moment and then collapsed in a heap on the ground. Sarek waited a moment, but the human remained where she was. Curious, Sarek threw on his robe and made his way downstairs.

She was still slumped in the same position, her chest barely rising and falling as she drew shallow breaths. Sarek knelt by her slim frame. His eyes critically examined the face, so pale and worn under T’Kuht’s eye. He could not recollect seeing her at the Embassy or the Academy. Her clothes were covered in fine sand. Her lips were cracked, the skin on parts of her face and hands burnt and blistered. From the evidence, Sarek could only conclude that she had been walking in the desert. Sheer lunacy for a human. His home, on the edge of Shi’Kahr had evidently been her first choice of refuge. Carefully, trying not to brush against her burns, he gathered her into his arms.

“Sarek,” she moaned as he lifted her. Then she slumped bonelessly in his arms. Her gentle breathing tickled his chin as he carried her indoors. Sarek's brow furrowed in puzzlement. She knew his name, but he was certain he had never seen her before. Where had she come from and why had she sought him out?

He deposited her gently on the couch in the living room. She didn't stir. Sarek studied her for a moment. She was clothed in a simple Vulcan dress woven from natural fibres. A long headscarf covered her greying hair. Her face was still; she looked very fragile and vulnerable in repose.

She had not stirred when he returned carrying the tray bearing drink, food and a bowl of water to clean the dust from her hands and face. He gently bathed her cheeks. She groaned and her long lashes fluttered as the cool water woke her. Her dark eyes met his and not a speck of recognition stirred within their depths.

“You do not know me?” Sarek raised an eyebrow.

“No, should I?” Amanda replied softly, her voice hoarse and cracking.

“You said my name in the garden.” Sarek poured her a glass of water.

“I did?” Amanda reached for the glass, her arms felt like lead. Now she was safe, all her body wanted to do was curl up for a while and forget the rest of the universe.

“You did.” Sarek's fingers curled around hers, steadying her hand as she drank. His eyes widened in surprise. The frail human had somehow got past his normal mental defences. His throat had seized up as if parched from the desert's scorching heat. Sarek firmly clamped his mental shields down to block her out.

Blithely unaware of Sarek's reaction, Amanda took only a few small sips in spite of the desperate thirst that raged within her. She had no wish to make herself ill by drinking too much too quickly. She wasn't sure how long it was since she last drank. Her body was sure it was far too long. Her skin and mouth felt almost as desiccated as an Egyptian mummy.

She rested her head back on the couch with a sigh. Sarek damped the cloth again and gently bathed her forehead. Amanda gasped in shock as the cool water slid over her hot brow. In spite of the scarf, Vulcan's bright sun had exacted its toll on her flesh. The water soothed the burning pain. She closed her eyes as Sarek continued his ministrations. Amanda's lips twitched slightly as she imagined her husband's reaction at her being ministered to by a strange Vulcan male.

Sarek's brow rose slightly at her smile. “Something amuses you?”

“Ah no, not at all.” Amanda flushed. “Do you think I could use your comm unit? I need to call my husband.”

“Of course.” Sarek placed the cloth back into the bowl. He stood and then offered a hand to her.

Amanda blinked in surprise. A Vulcan usually avoided the necessity of physical contact with offworlders in order to prevent any inadvertent eavesdropping on thought or emotion. Yet, this man was offering to help her rise. She must look worse than she felt. She was too tired to even try any of the shielding exercises Sarek had taught her. His grip didn't falter as he took her hand. If she was broadcasting anything to him, the Vulcan was far too polite to mention it.

“Thank you,” she murmured as he helped her to her feet. “I'm sure Sarek must be frantic by now.”

Sarek's eyebrow rose even further. Why was she referring to him as if he wasn't standing right in front of her? ”I assure you I am not.”

“What?” She cast him a startled glance. The sudden movement caused a wave of dizziness to wash over her.

“I assure you I am not frantic,” Sarek reiterated.

Amanda stared at him; the world seemed to be spinning as if she was caught in some sort of nightmare. “I said Sarek, my husband.”

“My name is Sarek,” he informed her, moving towards her.

Amanda moaned and slumped in his arms as shock sent her crashing into blackness.

She woke again on the couch, a cool cloth rested on her forehead. She opened her eyes. The Vulcan who called himself Sarek was studying her in the chair next to her.

“I would suggest any further discussions should take place when you are more fully recovered.” His dark eyes reflected the concerned tone of his voice.

“Who are you? Where is my husband? I have to speak with Sarek!” Her voice rose until it cracked on the last syllable. Amanda choked back the tears that threatened to fall. It was like some terrible dream, where loved one's faces where changed beyond recognition. She struggled to a sitting position.

“I am Sarek. Now, may I ask, who are you?” Sarek leant forward and offered her the glass of water.

Amanda sipped it, relieved that this time she could hold it on her own. The thought of this Sarek touching her was profoundly unsettling at the moment.

“Amanda.” The name was spoken barely above a whisper. She had no need to ask if he had heard it. His back had stiffened and just for a moment a fierce light had burnt in his eyes.

“Amanda is dead.” Sarek's voice was flat and clipped. His face suddenly appeared stark and forbidding.

“How?” Amanda's voice broke. Although he was referring to another woman, her mind still inwardly protested that she was very much alive. Amanda was a common enough name on Earth. Sarek, though, was not common on Vulcan. She had only ever known one to bear that name.

“An illness.” Sarek's voice was level, but his eyes shone with remembered pain.

Amanda closed her eyes as an awful revelation struck her. Her Vulcan had been torn apart by the beam from the sky. She had nearly died as she felt her very being disintegrating in the forces that wrecked the planet. Somehow she had survived the cataclysm, but in doing so she had been transported, like Alice through the Looking Glass, into another world, another universe. Here, Vulcan was solid, not shattered to atoms. Which meant that the Vulcan looking at her from the other chair could indeed be Sarek, just not the one she had been bonded and married to. Unless she could get back to her own time and space, her Sarek was lost to her forever. Amanda felt a buzzing in her ears, her vision greyed at the edges as shock swept over her once more.

“Amanda!” Sarek's voice broke through to her.

“It's all right Sarek, I don't think I'll faint again,” Amanda assured him as she took another sip from the glass. “I just realised I wasn't in Kansas any more.”

“You are on Vulcan.” Sarek frowned slightly. “Kansas is on Earth.”

A giggle rose in her throat. She tried to hold it back, aware that her Vulcan host would not appreciate her merriment. It burst out of her into a laugh that even to her ears sounded slightly hysterical.

“It was a simple statement of fact, not a joke.” Sarek looked at her, his face carefully blank.

The breath stopped in her throat when she saw a definite twinkle in his dark eyes. Instead of disapproving, Sarek seemed to appreciate her mirth. Suddenly Sarek didn't seem so different, or stern at all.

“Seriously, Sarek, I am Amanda, bondmate to Sarek of Vulcan.” She reeled off his other titles as the humour died in his eyes. His face became cold and stony. She took another sip and studied the features that seemed carved in granite.

There was a long silence.

“Amanda is dead,” Sarek said finally, his voice as chill as the desert night. “She died six months ago. I do not know who you are, but you are not my bondmate.”

“No, I know. Sarek, as crazy as this sounds, I am from another Vulcan.” Amanda watched him as she took another sip. His back was ramrod straight, the very epitome of Vulcan rectitude.

“You are correct, it does sound deranged. Would you care to elaborate?” His voice was calm, his face impassive, impossible for her to read now.

“I'm not quite sure how I got here. My Vulcan was hit by some sort of beam from space. Spock, tried to rescue me, rescue us. We were beaming out and then... then I was falling, the ground had crumbled beneath my feet. I don't know how I survived, but I did. I woke up in the desert. I walked...” She shuddered at the recollection. “I don't know for how long. Days. Then I found the house and so you found me.”

“An interesting story,” Sarek said calmly. “A little weak in the middle perhaps.”

Amanda stared at him aghast. Her heart to lurched in a most uncomfortable fashion as a shaft of pain tore through her. He didn't believe her. She was startled at how much it hurt her that he hadn't accepted her tale. He wasn't her Sarek and yet she felt as if she had been betrayed by someone close to her.

“I am not mad,” she said softly, cursing herself for forgetting she didn't know him.

“Of course not,” Sarek responded gently, his stiff pose softening slightly, his eyes becoming almost tender.

Amanda felt a bolt of pure fury shoot through her. Her hands itched to hit him. She recognised the voice of sweet reason when she heard it. She’d had similar reactions from family and friends when she had informed them she was marrying Sarek. “I am not delusional. I can't explain exactly what happened because I don't know what happened. I don't know why I'm not dead. I should be dead. I felt, I felt.” Amanda stopped and shuddered. How could she describe the sensation of being torn apart and yet still being conscious throughout. The pain had been indescribable.

“Whatever happened to you, you are safe now,” Sarek said softly, as if gentling a child.

Amanda felt like screaming. The damn Vulcan was humouring her! Amanda swallowed the angry retort that had leapt to her lips and studied Sarek. There was one way she could tell him. It would certainly convince him. However, in spite of bearing the same name as her husband, he was a stranger to her. She licked lips that had suddenly gone dry as she considered how to suggest it to him. It wasn't something Vulcans did lightly as a rule. She wasn't sure if he would agree if he truly thought her deranged.

“There is one way I could convince you,” she said carefully.

“And that would be?” Sarek asked quietly, his head cocked slightly to one side.

Amanda took a deep breath. That movement was so familiar to her. Her Sarek adopted such a pose when he was quizzing her. She smiled reminiscently, momentarily forgetting where she was, for a brief moment she was back home.

“Amanda, are you all right?” Sarek asked in some concern as she gazed into the middle distance.

Amanda blinked as reality came crashing back. Loneliness swept over her so strongly she was surprised Sarek couldn't sense it. “I... you... he... Oh, never mind! My apologies, Sarek I didn't mean to be, rude.”

“No offence taken. You were saying there was a way to convince me.”

“Yes.” She took a deep breath. “We could meld.”

Sarek studied her, his face going still, his dark eyes, hooded. This time, Amanda felt she had caused offence. The moment dragged on as he remained silent. Cold dread seized her. He was going to refuse and she couldn't think of any other way to convince him of her fantastic story. Time seemed to stretch for an eternity.

“Very well.” Sarek bowed his head in agreement.

Amanda sagged in relief; the world greyed around her and she felt herself falling.

She woke to feel strong arms around her. The familiar smells she associated with Sarek, sandalwood and a sharp almost spicy smell that was all Vulcan, all male. She turned her head and snuggled into his shoulder glad the dream was over. She was back home and in his arms. Amanda's heart leapt with joy as she reached her hand up to the side of his face.

“Amanda.”

The voice was that of the stranger. It hadn't been a dream. She stifled a sob as her body shook as if she had a fever.

“Perhaps it would be better if you rested first.” Sarek laid her gently back down.

Amanda shivered, the feeling of falling hadn't been an illusion. She had tumbled off the couch. His offer to delay was tempting, exhaustion nibbled at the edge of her consciousness.

“No I'll be all right, “ she said, determined to go through with it before her courage could fail her.

“If you are sure.” Sarek sounded doubtful, as if he may be reconsidering his decision.

“Certain,” she replied firmly, trying to banish her tiredness with a mental exercise her Sarek had taught her. To Amanda's surprise, it worked.

His fingers touched her temple and cheek. She closed her eyes trying to relax. She could feel the first tendrils of thought questing towards her as he intoned, “My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts.”

She gasped; the soft touch was achingly familiar. Whatever their physical differences, Sarek's mind touch was almost identical to her husband's. She clung to his mind as her body had clung to his comforting form mere minutes before. A sob escaped Amanda as she instinctively turned to him nestling against his shoulder.

Sarek was taken aback as her mind opened up to him almost eagerly. He, too, was struck by how similar her mind felt, it was almost as if he was touching his wife. Without breaking their contact, Sarek gathered her close to him, cradling her with his free arm. He deepened the probe as he sifted through her memories. They both gasped in shock as he relived with her the experience of passing through the maelstrom of energies created by the collapsing planet. He rode it out, like a ship weathering a storm. On the other side, her past opened up to his questing mind. An alternative world indeed, a parallel existence so like and yet unlike his own.

Amanda wept, overset by the contact, so like her husband's touch. She was too distraught to recollect that Vulcan's abhorred such overt displays of emotion. Sarek though, did not draw back. He was not repelled by her rampant emotionality. Instead, his arm tightened around her, physically supporting her. Finally, his mind gently withdrew, until he was at the outer edge of her consciousness, comforting and supporting her until her grief exhausted itself and she slipped into blessed oblivion.

He picked up her slumbering form and carried her up the stairs. He hesitated a moment on the landing. Instinct and habit had him turned toward the room he had shared with his wife. Recollecting himself, he changed direction. Without disturbing his sleeping burden, he shouldered open the door of the guest room and laid her gently on the bed. Amanda protested with a whimper when he tried to let go of her. Sighing slightly he settled alongside her. He had intended to wait for her to fall more heavily asleep so he could slip away; however, his own eyes closed and he found himself drifting off.

Chapter 3

Her cry of soul wrenching agony brought him instantly awake. She was tossing and turning on the bed. Her skin was burning hot and her dark eyes bright with fever.

“Sarek!” she screamed reaching out to thin air.

Sarek placed his hand on her shoulder. “I am here.”

“No!” She shook her head. “You aren't him! I want my Sarek!” She tried to push him away, but Sarek held on to her.

I am here, Amanda, he projected, trying to contact her fevered mind. Fooled by the mental voice into thinking he was her bondmate, she sobbed and buried her face into Sarek's neck.

“Don't leave me,” she pleaded.

“I will stay.” He was taken aback by the conviction that rang through his words. He was not sure which of the fates had brought this Amanda to his home. However, he was determined he was not going to lose her as well, if he could help it. As soon as he was certain she had slipped back into a deep sleep, he slipped out of the room to summon a healer.

“How is she?” Sarek asked the healer when he emerged from the room.

The healer studied Sarek. ”As far as I can determine, her life is in no immediate danger. The fever is a product of the after effects of her journey through the desert. With care, she ought to recover. However, she has had her bond with her mate severed. A traumatic event if the body is healthy. Weakened as she is, it is possible she may let go of the hold she has on life. I do not have enough information on human reactions to a bond severance to make an accurate prediction as to the outcome. However, if your presence eases her, I would recommend you remain with her.”

“Thank you, Healer. I will do my best for her.” Sarek bowed his head. He silently vowed that he would do his utmost to ensure that this Amanda survived. Sarek cancelled his appointments for the next fortnight. He set up food and drink by the bed and settled down to wait.

A few hours later she began to toss and turn. He wasn't surprised to hear his name on her lips. His voice might agitate her but his touch was a soothing reminder of her absent husband. Sarek placed his fingertips against her temple and gently projected a sense of his presence to her. With a heartfelt moan, she burrowed into his robes crying his name again. She held onto him as a drowning man clings to a log.

He held her against him, endeavouring to calm her by gently stroking her back, as he had done to the infant Spock so many years before. The motion appeared to be as soothing to an adult as it was to a sick child. Her body gradually relaxed against him as she sank back into slumber.

Sarek patiently nursed her over the next week. He was a constant presence at her side, supporting her mentally and physically. Amanda found his physical appearance less disturbing as time wore on. His mental touch was always welcome, although when she was at her worst, she confused it with her own bondmate's. A factor, the healer informed him, that greatly aided her healing. Sarek decided not to question it. Eventually the fever broke and Amanda slipped into a deep, restful sleep.

“Does this mean I owe you my life?” Amanda smiled up at him as he brought her something to eat.

Sarek blinked. It was the first coherent sentence she had uttered since her first night. He considered the question. “The healer assures me my presence was instrumental in your healing. However, he was not certain if your life was truly at great risk.”

“A very diplomatic answer!” Her dark eyes laughed at him.

“I am an ambassador.” Sarek raised an eyebrow. He stared at her as she went off into gales of laughter at that. It took some time before she could explain the reason for such mirth.

“That is just like him,” she stammered out between bouts of laughter.

“Is the comparison intended as an insult or a compliment?” Sarek asked, his own face perfectly serious.

Amanda looked at him, startled and then drew in a gasp of breath. His face might have been straight and solemn, but she could see a light dancing in his eyes. That light held her, mesmerised her. It drew her in as surely as a flame enticed the moth. She turned away as guilt washed over her. She should be mourning the man she had left behind, not flirting with the Sarek in front of her. She brought herself up short. Had they been flirting? She denied it to herself while she tried to forget the odd flutter in her chest.

Amanda's fingertips brushed over the slightly rough surface of the clay, embedded in the little plaque was the imprint of a small hand. She smiled softly as she recalled an identical memento that rested on a shelf in her living room at home. It seemed she and this world's Amanda had been alike in wanting some token of their child's babyhood preserved for all time. She bit her lip as fresh tears sprung to her eyes.

“Are you all right?” Sarek's voice startled her.

She whirled with a gasp, the little plaque slipping from her hands. She saw it fall with a dismay that turned into a heartfelt gasp of relief as Sarek plucked the memento from its descent to the tiled floor.

“Ah.” Sarek's dark eyes softened in understanding as he turned the clay tablet in his hands. “At the time I did not see the logic of Amanda's wish to preserve Spock's hand print.” His gaze turned to her face and the eyes bright with unshed tears. “Now, I think I do.”

Amanda nodded and turned away “Where is Spock? I mean this world's Spock.”

Sarek studied her back, tight with tension. “He is still serving with Starfleet. I have informed him of your presence here. However, currently, his duties do not permit a visit home.”

“Oh,” Amanda sighed ruefully. Her son also would put duty first. “Do you have any holos or pictures of him?”

Sarek reached past her and pressed the small button on the plinth that the clay tablet rested on. A short sequence of three-dimensional images hovered in the air above it. They depicted Spock as he grew from the child that had made the imprints, to the youth that had departed for Starfleet.

Amanda watched the progression silently. When the last image had flickered out of existence she turned back to Sarek. A wealth of pain was reflected in her eyes. Sarek wordlessly drew her into his arms. Amanda turned her head into his shoulder and wept for the son she feared she would never see again. Sarek held and comforted her just as he had when she was ill.

Chapter 4

“I think I might return to teaching,” Amanda announced the third week as a guest in his house.

Sarek glanced up from the papers he had been studying. “An admirable idea. I will forward a request to the Academy. Though proving your credentials may be difficult.”

“Damn you, Sarek,” she mock scowled at him “You know full well you could write a recommendation.”

“Agreed. I could, if I was fully conversant with your teaching methods,” Sarek replied honestly.

Amanda let out an exasperated sigh. She knew it was pointless to ask him to provide one on just her say so alone. He was right, she would have to demonstrate her abilities to his satisfaction before he would write her a reference. “You're already fluent in English and Andorian. What am I supposed to teach you?”

Sarek studied her; her choice of languages put him forcibly in mind of his own courtship of his Amanda. His world and hers paralleled each other in so many ways that if it were not for her physical appearance he would think it was his dead wife who stood before him. Sarek shook his head slightly as if to dispel that uncomfortable thought. “What would you wish to teach me?”

Amanda placed her chin on her hand as she studied him, seeming to give the question careful consideration. “To sing, perhaps? You namesake was very adept.”

Sarek raised an eyebrow. “Indeed?” Although Sarek had mastered many instruments, he was not particularly skilled when it came to a vocal talent. Amanda had a definite challenge in front of her. “Very well. It may be of assistance in my current negotiations. The N'!gar have a very tonal language.”

“Really?” Amanda's eyes lit up and she leant forward eagerly. “Do you have any samples of it?”

“I thought you were going to give me a lesson?” Sarek reminded her. He was curious as to how Amanda's singing voice would compare to that of his late wife's. Her singing had been rather pleasing to his ear.

“True.” She flushed guiltily. “Can I study the recordings later?”

“Of course, it may be of value to have a fresh ear on the proceedings. As things stand, the negotiations are not progressing at all.” Sarek's dark eyes studied her. She had not been this animated before. Amanda may have been a qualified teacher on her world, but it seemed her true passion lay in languages. He wondered just how skilled a linguist this Amanda was.

“Sarek, are you ready?” Amanda's voice broke in on his ruminations. Sarek turned his attention to the lesson, banishing any further comparisons from his mind.

The lesson passed quickly enough, Sarek was favourably impressed with her style of teaching. It clearly showed that she was used to Vulcan students. With their eidetic memories it was unnecessary to repeat information more than once, a factor many human teachers overlooked when instructing Vulcans. Sarek was pleasantly surprised at her use of Vulcan terms while instructing him in the breathing exercises that she informed him were the foundation of singing. Her familiarity with some suggested that, unlike his wife, this Amanda had mastered more than the rudiments of meditation.

Sarek was surprised when she had announced the lesson was over. He had yet to sing a note. However a glance at the clock informed him a full hour had passed. True to his word, Sarek allowed her to review the recording of the negotiations with the N'!gar.

“Oh dear, Sarek! ” Amanda laughed slightly, after watching for some time. “I think I see why you are having problems.”

“Really?” Sarek leant over her shoulder to peer at the telescreen. “Would you please elaborate? I hope I have not inadvertently insulted their ambassador?”

“Umm no.” Amanda twisted her head to look at him, her eyes dancing with merriment. “But I think Vulcans are going to have a problem negotiating with this species.”

Sarek found himself caught by her gaze, its warmth pulled him in. Amanda's breath hitched in her throat as he moved closer. For one incredible moment she thought he was about to kiss her. Then his hand reached past her to adjust the image on the telescreen, zooming in on the N'!gar ambassador.

“Would you explain why we are having difficulties with the N'!gar?” Sarek's gaze remained on the telescreen as he commanded his body to ignore the gentle breeze her breathing stirred across his ear tips. His body was proving recalcitrant. The gentle heat of her breath sent tongues of flame licking along his spine.

Sarek abruptly moved away, earning him a puzzled look from Amanda. He was not about to inform her why. Sarek frowned. Amanda in her last days had instructed him to find a new bondmate. He had not expected to be affected by another woman quite so soon and certainly not by someone who still regarded themselves as being bonded to another.

“It's all in the expression.” Amanda swung her chair round to face him. “Or rather, the Vulcan lack of it.”

“What?” Sarek asked, wondering if all human females were prone to sudden cryptic comments, or just the ones named Amanda.

“Their language isn't just tonal, it relies heavily on expressions also. It didn't make any difference in the opening rounds, as all parties were being very correct and formal. However the language shifts subtly in the next few sessions. Not enough for you to insult them,” Amanda considered the screen thoughtfully, “however, misunderstanding has crept in. By now, the N'!gar believe you aren't as ready to negotiate with them as you claim. You might sound sincere, but the Vulcan ‘poker face’ just isn't convincing them you are being honest.”

“I can understand why our own linguists missed it. A Vulcan tends to ignore any overt emotional signals produced by another species.” Sarek frowned as he played back the piece Amanda had been studying.

“I know, it's considered impolite to notice.” Amanda smiled at him. “However, in this case you can't ignore it.”

“That does present us with a problem. Vulcans do not emote.” Sarek regarded her thoughtfully. “However, a human could convince them of our sincerity.”

“Well, yes, if they were an adept enough mimic. Some of the N'!gar's body language is bound to be different from human norms.”

“Could you do it?” Sarek asked.

“Me?” Amanda swallowed. “Just how important are these negotiations?” Sarek opened his mouth but before he could get a word out, she held up her hand “No, wait, don't tell me. I'd be nervous enough as it is!”

“Is that a yes?” Sarek raised an eyebrow.

“It's a maybe.” Amanda turned back to the telescreen. “I'm going to need as much footage as you have got of the N'!gar.”

Sarek was, on the whole, pleased with his new ‘aide’. The N'!gar were initially suspicious of the late addition, but Amanda managed to soothe what were, literally, ruffled feathers. The negotiations progressed more smoothly. Amanda translated Sarek's words by adding the shifts in posture and expression that did much to alter their meaning. She also acted as interpreter of what the N'!gar were saying to him. The translator matrix had begun to develop algorithms for their language, but not sufficiently rapidly enough to be of use during the current talks.

“I do not suppose you would consider a permanent position as my aide?” Sarek asked her as she relaxed in his sitting room a few days after the treaty had been signed. “The N'!gar situation does highlight the benefit of having a non-Vulcan point of view within my staff.”

Amanda cocked her head to one side as she studied him. “Is that a serious offer, or an attempt to get out of singing lessons?”

Sarek's eyebrow rose in reply. “I have enjoyed working with you and I believe my singing voice has much improved under your instruction.”

“True,” Amanda smiled across at him, “however...” Her expression became rather more serious. “That sounds like I'm going to be here for a long time.”

“It would seem so, Amanda,” Sarek sighed.

“In which case, I really can't remain as a guest under your roof indefinitely.” Amanda got to her feet.

Sarek stood as well, not just out of politeness. The thought of Amanda leaving had sent an instinctive denial coursing through him. It had brought him out of his chair and his hand was reaching out to Amanda before he managed to reassert control over himself. He was not a barbarian and, in spite of his inward feelings, a civilised Vulcan would not forcibly restrain a guest in their house.

“I do not wish you to go,” he said quietly.

Amanda closed her eyes briefly, her fists clenched at her sides, clearly battling for control of her emotions. “I have to, Sarek!”

Sarek's dark eyes bored into hers. “I would like you to stay.”

Amanda's eyes widened, trapped by his gaze. Her lips formed the word “No!” but no sound emerged.

Sarek stepped closer to her and tilted her chin up. As he bent his head to kiss her, a soft moan escaped Amanda's throat. Through his fingers on her face, Sarek could sense her reaction to him. Her desire added to his own, burning away all rational thought. Slowly, he bent his head and brushed his lips against hers, softly at first. When her lips parted for him, he deepened the kiss, his tongue gently and insistently exploring her soft, warm flesh, sliding over her own tongue, tasting the spice of her arousal. Ripples of excitement coursed down her spine and pooled into liquid fire at its base. She groaned and slipped her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him. Sarek could feel his heart pounding in his side. His body ached to feel her touch as much as he yearned to caress her.

Amanda, k'diwa. As soon as he had projected it to her, Sarek knew he had made a mistake. Amanda stiffened in his arms, trying to push him away. He released her immediately. Amanda looked at him, stricken and then ran from the room. Sarek debated pursuing her and then sank back into his chair with a sigh.

He was still trying to analyse his own actions and reasons for behaving so impulsively, when he heard Amanda leave the house. Sarek closed his eyes as he exerted all his control to tamp down his own emotions before going in pursuit.

She was striding down the path that led to Shi’Kahr, carrying a bag. Sarek lengthened his stride until he caught up with her. He said nothing as he fell into step beside her. They walked on for some time in silence. Sarek was impressed with her restraint. His wife would not have lasted as long as she had without saying anything.

“Now you see why I can't stay,” Amanda snapped.

“You logic is correct. It seems I cannot behave the way a host should,” Sarek replied.

“That's it! No apology?” Amanda came to an abrupt halt.

Sarek continued on for another step and then turned back to look at her. “One only apologises for things one regrets. I cannot say I regret it. I do however regret causing you to leave and any inadvertent distress I may have caused.”

“Oh-you-you...” Amanda began furiously.

“Vulcan?” Sarek supplied.

“I was going to say, male!” Amanda snapped back her dark eyes flashing fire. “You haven't been off your food lately, so what the hell brought that on?”

“I-I do not know,” Sarek began, frowning slightly, a little shocked at her oblique reference to pon farr. “I do not think it is a premature onset; however, I could have a healer check for that. Other than that, I cannot explain my actions.”

“Sarek, I want to go home, to my husband!” Amanda sighed, closing her eyes. Her body slumped in pain and weariness.

“And if it proves not to be possible?” Sarek asked. “Then what?”

Since he had come to accept Amanda's story, he had explored the problem of returning her to her own time and space. It had even prompted him to break the silence that had existed between himself and his son, Spock, since his wife's death. Spock had been astounded at the revelation that another Amanda Grayson was a guest under Sarek's roof. Spock's duties, he'd claimed, so far precluded a visit, but he had promised his father that he would assist in trying to find a way home for her. However, any avenue of research, up to now, was blocked by the uncertainty of determining her home universe.

“I don't know!” Amanda shook her head as tears leaked from her closed lids.

Sarek studied her for a long moment and then stepped forward. He drew her into the circle of his arms. She leaned her head against his shoulder and wept. Sarek continued to hold her, oblivious to the glances they received from neighbours startled at such an emotional display.

“If you are going to walk into town,” Sarek said as the sobs finally subsided and she clung to him in passive misery, “might I suggest you wait until the cool of the evening?”

“Oh Sarek, what am I going to do?” Amanda sighed “I- I can't stay with you. Not after that… that.”

“I am sorry if it caused such offence,” Sarek sighed.

“That's the problem, it didn't,” Amanda said softly.

Sarek was startled at how pleased that statement made him. He made a mental note to discuss his condition with the healer as soon as possible. The last time he had behaved quite so irrationally was when he was courting his own Amanda. He studied the bowed head of the woman clinging fervently to him. Sarek could not deny that logically it meant he had also gained an interest in courting her. Something she clearly was not ready for. He really would have to visit the healer, if only to ensure he could afford to be patient.

Chapter 5

Amanda had debated the wisdom of accepting Sarek's suggestion of staying with a member of his family, rather than himself, or strangers. She smiled inwardly, for of course to her, Silek was a stranger. However a Vulcan would not consider a member of his or her own family the same as an outsider to others. She hadn't wanted to insult Sarek by refusing the offer. Not that she'd had much choice, as there was nowhere else she could really go.

“Your presence honours our house, T'sai Amanda.” Silek bowed formally in greeting. He was a slimmer and less austere version of Sarek. They were similar enough it was easy to tell they were brothers. In her own world, Sarek had been an only child. It was one reason their marriage had been so controversial.

Amanda bowed slightly in return. “You're welcome, though I would prefer just Amanda.”

“Very well, Just Amanda,” Silek replied gravely as he turned back into the house. “Will you follow me?”

Amanda swallowed the laugh that rose in her throat. Although Silek’s face had been the perfect Vulcan mask, she could have sworn there had been just a hint of a twinkle in his eyes. It reminded her achingly of Sarek. She ruthlessly squashed the longing that rose in her at that thought. She was not a maudlin teenager mooning over a crush. She'd barely been out of his presence; she was not going to be missing him already she told herself firmly. Amanda reminded herself guiltily that she should be missing her own Sarek, not the one of this world.

Silek led her to a guest room, where he left her to settle in. It was almost Spartan in appearance in comparison to the chamber she had left at Sarek's. Belatedly, she realised the extra touches she'd enjoyed, Sarek's late wife must have added to make their guests more comfortable. Well, she could soon make this room her own. She placed the bag on her bed and began to unpack.

She had just packed away the last of her meagre belongings when a slight tap came at the door.

“Enter,” Amanda called out. A small child's face peeked around the door frame cautiously. Amanda stifled a gasp as the small, dark head was followed by the huge head of a sehlat just above it. The beast's eyes glowed yellow against its dark fur as it stared at her.

“Greetings” Amada said, crouching down to greet the young boy. An injudicious move it turned out as she was then completely bowled over by the large frame of the sehlat. It pinned her down, towering over her. The low rumbling sound could be mistaken for a growl to an uneducated ear. Amanda, used to sehlats, knew the beast was just happy to meet her. Amanda reached up as best she could to try and stroke the beast. The young boy ran up to it and then jumped up and grabbed at an ear.

“No, Rahm! Bad boy! You aren't supposed to eat the guests!” the child admonished his pet, who, in spite of out massing the boy by almost an order of magnitude, allowed him to haul its massive bulk off Amanda.

Amanda got to her feet trying to straighten her dress and brush off sehlat hairs at the same time. “Domestic sehlats don't eat people.” She laughed.

The boy raised an eyebrow looking astonishingly like his father as he did so. “I know that, but not all the human guests do. My name is Serak.”

“Well glad to meet you Serak and you too, Rahm.” Amanda offered her hand to the sehlat. He sniffed it and then before either Amanda or the boy could stop him, gave her a slobbering lick over her face with his tongue. Sehlats might appear bearlike, but their tongue is much more like that of a cats. Amanda gave a gasp of shock as it felt as if her face had just been rubbed by sandpaper – wet, salty sandpaper at that.

“I'm sorry,” Serak sighed. “It seems he really likes you. Oh, I almost forgot, Father and Mother would appreciate your presence at the evening meal.” The boy gave a slight bow and then hurried out with Rahm looking like a furry, dark thundercloud in his wake.

Amanda sighed and washed her face again, wincing as the cold water stung her abraded skin. She had forgotten just how rough a sehlat's tongue could be. She then went down to join the rest of the family for the evening meal. As well as Serak there were two more children, a girl and a boy. Silek introduced them as Silkar and T'Peira. They both favoured their mother, T'Serra, having her fine boned features and startlingly green eyes. They were a few years older than their sibling, their faces the perfect Vulcan mask of polite calm, evidently on their best behaviour in front of her. Serak showed no such reticence and smiled delightedly at Amanda, ignoring the impassive glare of his mother for doing so in front of a guest.

The meal was eaten in silence, as per Vulcan tradition. A silence that Amanda found oddly comforting as without a word being spoken she was made to feel like one of the family. Though it was sometimes a struggle for her to keep a straight face. Serak surreptitiously fed his pet whenever his parents were not looking. His siblings tried to admonish him with glares but didn't utter a word for fear of offending their guest.

Amanda was surprised at how quickly she became regarded as one of the family. Rahm even went so far as to sleep outside her door at night. Considering she had tried to escape from Sarek, Amanda jokingly accused Silek of setting the sehlat as a guard on her.

Silek’s eyes widened slightly. “How did you guess?”

“I was just joking!” Amanda snapped. “If you think I'm going to put up with being a prisoner...” Her voice tailed off as she saw the twinkle in his eyes that she had learnt to identify as him laughing.

“You are as impossible as your brother!” she informed him repressively before turning on her heel and stalking off.

Sarek waited patiently while his healer examined him.

“You are in good health, Sarek.” The healer nodded in satisfaction. “Your endocrine levels are well within normal tolerances. Whatever caused the, er, outburst it was not the early stages of pon farr.”

Sarek sighed slightly; it had been the answer he had expected. His cycle was predictably regular, even with his many visits off planet.

“My thanks, Tavik. It seems I must meditate on my behaviour.”

“Indeed,” Tavik nodded solemnly.

Chapter 6

Amanda was trying not to resent Sarek's high handedness, but his behaviour rankled. She disliked having her life planned out for her. Sarek refused to act as an advocate for her to apply to the Academy to teach. Without his support she could not gain a post. Sarek had arranged with his brother Silek and his wife T'Pai to accommodate Amanda. He had also arranged for her to be assigned to Silek as a linguist and translator. The fact that Silek was a member of Sarek's staff had not escaped Amanda's notice either. It meant that she was still working for him, however indirectly.

In spite of her annoyance at his treatment of her, Amanda found herself disappointed not to see Sarek at all that week, as Silek introduced her to her new duties at the embassy. She told herself the feeling was due to being deprived of the opportunity to give him a piece of her mind. She knew she should have been relieved by Sarek's absence; instead, she greatly missed his tall, imposing figure and the sound of his voice. She berated herself roundly for being so foolish and tried to concentrate on her work.

After a week of not seeing Sarek at all, the tension was beginning to get to Amanda. The nightmares Sarek's presence once banished, came back to haunt her. She kept dreaming she was trying to get to Sarek, whose face kept changing from the Sarek she had left to the one of this world. When her dream self was almost touching him, she was surrounded by fire. Grinning demons pulled them both apart. She woke with a ragged scream on her lips and the weight of an anxious sehlat pressing against her side. Silek, after the first two nights she disturbed the family's sleep, sent her to a Healer, despite of her protests.

The Healer, T'Vir, examined Amanda and questioned her closely. Then she requested that Amanda allow her to use a mind probe. Amanda reluctantly agreed. Her touch was warm and comforting and Amanda found herself relaxing, letting the healer into her mind.

After a long while she felt the healer’s hands lift from her face.

“Why do you fight it?” T'Vir asked.

“Fight what?” Amanda asked puzzled in return.

“Thee are bonded. Yet you try to deny the bond,” the healer informed her gently.

“But I can't be...” Amanda cried. “The other healer said it was severed, I can't be bonded!”

T'Vir shook her head, “Thou art bonded to Sarek. The Sarek of this world.”

Amanda stared at her dumbfounded as her world whirled into blackness.

She came to on the Healer's couch. T'Vir was bending over her with a curious expression on her face. The healer had her fingertips resting lightly on Amanda's wrist monitoring her pulse.

Having realised Amanda was staring at her, T'Vir released her. “My apologies, Tsai Amanda. I have not observed the phenomenon before.”

“You've never seen a human faint?” Amanda asked as she sat up slowly. Her mind was still reeling from the healer's words but the ground was solid beneath her feet.

“Not from shock. The heat, yes,” she replied honestly. “From observation, the effects are identical.”

Amanda closed her eyes. Just when everything had seemed normal, she found herself wondering what Lewis Carroll would have made of that little absurdity.

“I need to talk to Sarek” Amanda glared at Silek.

Silek’s eyebrows climbed up his forehead at the tone she had used. “I will see if he is available.”

“Silek, it's important. I need to see him today,” Amanda hissed between clenched teeth.

“I come to serve!” Silek replied imperturbably as he walked away.

Amanda gave a silent scream of frustration at Vulcans in general. There were times that particular platitude really irritated her. She tried to get back to her work but T'Vir's words kept circling inside her head “Thou art bonded”. She groaned inwardly. How had she got into this mess. She wanted to go home, back to her Sarek. The pair of dark eyes that rose unbidden to her mind were not those of her husband. With a groan Amanda sunk her head into her hands.

“Are you ill?” Sarek's voice asked gently.

Amanda's heart skipped a beat. For a moment, she thought her mind had conjured up the phrase, until she sensed his tall form standing beside her.

“No,” Amanda sighed lifting her head to look at him. The breath caught in her throat. Her gaze was trapped by his dark eyes as Sarek looked down on her with such tender concern.

“Amanda,” Sarek spoke her name, breaking the spell.

“Oh, Sarek what are we going to do?” Amanda clasped her hands in front of her to stop herself from reaching out to him.

“Perhaps, if you were more explicit I may be able to answer that,” Sarek replied raising an eyebrow. After demanding to see him, Amanda seemed to be talking in riddles.

Amanda locked her gaze onto her entwined fingers. She didn't dare meet his eyes. “I saw a healer today. She informed me, we're bonded.”

“Ah.” Sarek nodded slowly. “That would explain why I kissed you.”

“What?” Amanda glanced up at him, startled.

“I don't just kiss anyone,” Sarek informed her solemnly.

Amanda cocked her head to one side and smiled slightly. “No, it's not a very Vulcan thing to do is it?”

“I believe not.” Sarek perched on the edge of her desk.

Amanda was suddenly all too aware of how close he was. “I believe this is the Vulcan way.” Slowly, her eyes locked with his, Amanda raised her right hand, her middle and index finger joined together.

Sarek regarded her for along moment before meeting her fingers with his own. The touch sent an electric sensation through her. Amanda closed her eyes as desire pooled like liquid fire at the centre of her being. There was only his presence and his touch. Unable to fight it any longer, Amanda closed her eyes and swayed toward him.

Sarek had been surprised at her offering her fingers as a bondmate would. The sensations that swept over him from their joined fingers shocked him even more. The sheer intensity of emotion left him momentarily breathless. When she leant towards him, Sarek feared she had become overwhelmed by them and was about to faint. Amanda's eyes blinked open and Sarek drew his hand away almost reluctantly.

“It would appear the healer is correct.” Sarek voice was calm and level, almost as if nothing had happened.

Amanda, looking into his eyes, was not fooled. The fire in their depths made her melt inside. “How can I go back now?”

“Do you wish to?” Sarek asked, standing once more.

Amanda sighed at his tacit withdrawal. She didn't know how to answer that question. A large part of her wanted, desperately, to return back to her own world. However, this Vulcan was slowly, but surely, becoming to seem more like home. She could no longer deny that she was attracted to the man in front of her. How long would it be, she wondered, before her old existence became more like a dream. She leaned back in her chair so her head rested against the headrest.

“I don't know any more,” Amanda whispered. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I'm no longer bonded to him, but you.”

“There are ways to break the bond, if needed,” Sarek informed her. He didn't wish her to remain here, simply because of the bond.

“Well, it seems unlikely there'll be a Challenge. I mean wouldn't the universe explode or something if you two met?”

“No, but there are other ways to sever a bond.”

“Oh, I don't have to decide now, do I?”

“No, I do not believe so.” Sarek moved away. “If there is nothing further you wish to discuss, I must return to my work.”

“Oh yes, of course.” Amanda ran a distracted hand through her hair.

Sarek's eyes followed her fingers as they brushed through her hair. It fascinated him; he wanted to touch her dark hair to feel the silken strands slip through his fingers. He took one step forward and then stopped as logic reasserted itself; wanting to touch her was a purely emotional response.

“Until later then, T’sai Amanda.” He bowed slightly and then, abruptly turned on his heel and walked out.

Amanda resisted an instinctive urge to call him back. She felt so confused. She sunk her head in her hands as she was pulled this way and that by how the two Sareks made her feel. It was almost like she was passing through the singularity again, as her conflicting emotions tore her apart inside.

Chapter 7

“Sarek, I thought Vulcans didn't date?” Amanda frowned at him as he bowed courteously to her.

“Then you do not wish to go to the performance tonight?” Sarek asked, his eyes gleaming with humour.

“I didn't say that.” Amanda frowned at him. “All right, if you want me to go, I will.”

“Then we are agreed. Until later then, Amanda.” Sarek bowed slightly and moved on.

Amanda sighed as she watched his retreating back. It was the fourth time this week that Sarek had contrived some sort of excuse to spend time with her. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy being with him, but being in his presence was disturbing. She wished he'd leave her in peace to sort out her own mind. She just wasn't sure how to ask that without giving offence.

She glanced at the clock. If she was going to have time to get ready she had to be leaving soon. She sighed and shut down her computer.

Chapter 8

Amanda sniffed as the curtain fell. For a supposedly emotionless race, Vulcans wrote some moving plays. Amanda surreptitiously dried her eyes on her handkerchief.

“Are you all right?” Sarek asked his deep voice doing interesting things to her insides.

“Yes, I'm not upset, it was just such a beautiful ending.” Amanda smiled at him, her eyes still shining from unshed tears. Sarek's eyes darkened as he leant slightly towards her. Her breath stopped in her throat. Surely he wasn't going to kiss her in public!

“Then I shall shield you until you have recovered.” Sarek spoke softly, his breath brushing against her ear, sending delicious thrills down her spine.

“I-I'm all right now,” Amanda replied, all too aware that she was blushing.

Sarek raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. However, he didn't move until the moment he sensed she was recovered.

Amanda stilled an instinctive protest at his shifting away from her. His presence had made her feel protected and secure.

They were alone in the auditorium. The rest of the audience had already cleared their seats. Amanda smiled slightly. In a human theatre there would be a cleaning crew clearing up. On Vulcan, of course, no one would dream of littering. “I think we had better go.”

“Indeed,” Sarek responded, standing and offering his arm.

Amanda's hand trembled as she rested her hand on his sleeve. In spite of the layers of clothing between them she could feel the heat from his body as his presence just brushed the outer edges of her mind. Suddenly, she was very glad they were alone. She glanced up at her escort. His face was calm as usual. In the dim light she could not read his eyes. Her gaze fastened on his full lips as she imagined him kissing her. Were his lips as soft as she remembered them?

Amanda, aduna ,would you prefer to wait until we are somewhere more private to find out? Sarek's voice whispered inside her mind like the caress of silk down her spine.

“Sorry,” Amanda muttered, snatching her hand from his arm, her cheeks bright crimson with embarrassment.

“No need to apologise.” Sarek smiled slightly. “I was not offended, merely trying to ascertain your wishes in the matter.”

“Oh,” Amanda felt her blush deepen. “I was just thinking I mean I...”

“You do not wish me to kiss you?” Sarek frowned, puzzled.

“Well no, I mean yes. Oh damnation!” Amanda swung on her heel and strode out the building.

Sarek followed behind her, trying to work out if she was really angry or simply exasperated. He couldn't read her well through the link. In spite of being human, she was adept at keeping any thoughts or feelings to herself. Although he admired her control, he wished she were as open as his wife had been. Her reactions were as volatile, but much more difficult to follow or predict as he could not read her.

Once in the cool air Amanda took several deep breaths. Sarek could sense the tenor of her thoughts slowing and calming.

“Amanda?”

“Sarek?” she smiled as she queried in return.

Sarek raised an eyebrow and then offered her his hand with two fingers extended. Amanda stared down at them for a moment before meeting his fingers with her own. She trembled as his mind brushed against her own, a touch so feather light she almost believed she had imagined it. Desire shot through her. His touch intensified at her passionate response. His mind thrust into hers as her passion ignited his, sweeping them both along in a tide of arousal. She moaned and swayed towards him. Sarek steadied her, drawing her hard against him. She gasped as her body was crushed to him. The physical evidence of his arousal pressed against her abdomen. Her insides were melting into a pool of need.

“I shall escort you back,” Sarek said quietly, his voice belying the emotions that swept over them.

“What?” Amanda blinked, disoriented. She had been so focussed on what they had been doing, she had forgotten where they were.

Sarek looked down at her. “I said I shall escort you home.”

“Mine or yours?” Amanda asked before her brain caught up with her hormones.

Sarek raised an eyebrow. “I had meant to return you to Silek; however, if you would prefer...”

“No, Silek’s is fine!” Amanda hastily interrupted all too aware she was bright red with mortification.

“As you wish.” Sarek bowed his head slightly acknowledging her unspoken wish to bring this interlude to an end. “I...”

“If you are going to say 'I come to serve' I'll scream.” Amanda glared at him in warning.

“Really?” Sarek raised an eyebrow. “Then it is fortunate that I was going to say I would be honoured to do so.”

Amanda studied him. Her racing heart was gradually returning to a normal pace as her libido cooled. Sarek continued to return her gaze steadily with a carefully blank face. A giggle rose up and escaped from her lips before she could stop it. Although his face remained expressionless she could see humour lighting his eyes.

With a courtly bow Sarek offered her his arm again. Amanda smiled as she placed her hand on his arm. Side by side in a companionable silence, they walked back to Sarek's flitter.

Chapter 9

Amanda slumped in her chair. She was trying not to feel low, but today was her birthday. At least in this universe she wasn't too sure if time ran differently back... Her mind paused, she had thought “home”, only she realised that here had now become “home”. That reflection didn't help her mood at all.

Her Sarek always managed to give her a present. Even though Vulcans as a rule didn't celebrate their natal days, Sarek had acknowledged the importance that she, as a human, had attached to her own. Only today, there hadn't been a thing. Of course she could hardly expect this world's Sarek to be the same. Though she felt a brief pang of pity for the departed Amanda if she had been forced to give up one of her favourite traditions in order to fit in on Vulcan.

The long workday dragged to its inevitable close. Amanda tiredly logged off her computer and then leaned back rubbing her weary eyes.

The scent of roses filled the room. Amanda took another deep breath in, savouring the heady fragrance, caught up in a fragment of memory. A soft petal brushed her lips like silken velvet. Startled, Amanda's eyes snapped open.

Sarek was leaning over her chair. The stem of a red rose gripped lightly in the fingers of his right hand.

“For you.” He proffered the flower.

“Oh thank you, Sarek. “ Amanda smiled delightedly at him as she took it. Burying her nose in its soft folds, she inhaled deeply. The fragrance was heavenly, bringing back memories of Earth and summer. “I had thought...”

“That I had forgotten? Or that the day held no significance for me?”

“Either or both,” Amanda replied, then frowned slightly. “But why wait until the end of the day to see me?”

“You were not free until then,” Sarek replied. ”If you had wished the day off, you could have broached the matter with myself or Silek.”

“I suppose, only it's not a big deal for Vulcans.” Amanda hesitated. “I just didn't want to celebrate it on my own.”

“I did have some personal matters to attend to. However, I am at your disposal now.”

Personal matters, Amanda's face froze as a chill shivered down her spine. Sarek was definitely not a typical Vulcan if he'd made some remembrance of his wife on this, her birthday. The realisation was like being drenched in cold water, Amanda shivered.

“What is wrong, are you cold?”

“No,” Amanda shook her head. “Just someone stepped on my grave, well sort of.”

Sarek studied her with a slight frown, which lifted when understanding dawned.

“I was going to offer dinner; however, if you feel you cannot...” His voice was soft, almost tender.

His compassion was almost her undoing. Amanda swallowed down the lump that had formed in her throat. She had been wallowing in self-pity, while Sarek mourned for his wife. “No,” Amanda began, then realising that could be misconstrued endeavoured to correct it. “I mean, yes, dinner would be fine.”

“Then shall we go?” Sarek bowed and offered his arm to her. Amanda smiled at the odd mixture of human and Vulcan courtesy. Her tiredness fell away as she stood and placed her hand on his arm.

“Sarek, what was she like?” Amanda asked as he escorted her from the building.

“Amanda?” Sarek queried turning his head slightly to regard her.

“Yes.” Amanda swallowed. Now she'd asked the question she wasn't at all sure she wanted to know the answer.

“She was like you in many ways. Mercurial of temperament, gracious, beautiful.” Sarek sighed slightly. “Mere words do not do her justice.”

Amanda blushed slightly at the comparison. “You… you could show me.”

Sarek regarded her thoughtfully. “I am not certain that that would be wise.”

“It's not like the world would implode or anything.” Amanda shivered as she wished she'd chosen a better analogy. “Really, Sarek I would like to know what she was like.”

“Very well,” Sarek agreed. “On one condition.”

“What's that?” Amanda asked a little surprised.

“You show me your Sarek.”

“Oh.” Amanda looked at him. His face was its usual impassive mask, but his dark eyes were intense as they focussed on her. “So it's a case of I'll show you mine if you show me yours?”

“Precisely,” Sarek replied refusing to be baited by her choice of phrase.

“Very well, I agree,” she said, nodding.

Sarek inclined his head in acknowledgement. Amanda resisted the impulse to offer to shake on the deal. His touch on her arm changed as he began to steer her back towards the building they had just left.

“Wait, where are we going?” Amanda dug her heels in, pulling them both to a stop abrupt enough to elicit curious glances from the passers-by.

“Somewhere we are not likely to be disturbed,” Sarek answered. “A meld can be traumatic if it involves an emotional subject.”

“I'm not a subject!” Amanda objected indignantly, a little hurt by his choice of words, it made her sound like a lab animal.

Sarek's eyebrow lifted slightly. “I was referring to the topic of exchange, not to yourself, personally.”

“Oh yes, sorry.” Amanda blushed a fiery red. She hadn't made that kind of mistake since her early years on Vulcan.

“It is of no matter.” Sarek's dark eyes gleamed with amusement. “I should be more exact in my phraseology, to avoid misunderstanding.”

“Naturally,” Amanda said. “Where are we going, Sarek?”

“If you have no strenuous objections, I think the garden in my house would be a suitable place.”

“No, not really.” Amanda shook her head. “Unless you'd prefer the Temple at Shi’Kahr?”

Sarek studied her for a long moment. He was a little surprised at Amanda's alternate offer. His own wife had never really explored the Disciplines, yet this Amanda seemed rather more familiar with them.

“I think I would prefer the privacy the garden affords.”

Amanda looked into his dark eyes as she felt the colour rising in her cheeks. She knew Sarek didn't mean what her brain was interpreting that phrase to mean. However, her libido was refusing to listen to her logic centres.

The ride back to Sarek's home was completed in silence with each wrapped up in their own thoughts. Amanda, studying Sarek's austere profile, was debating the wisdom of sharing her more intimate thoughts. She knew she trusted him, but felt in doing so she was taking another step along a road that took her away from her home and her husband.

Out of the corner of his eye Sarek saw the conflicting emotions flit across her face, like brief flickers of lightning before a storm.

“You do not have to go through with this if you do not wish to,” Sarek said as they climbed out of the flitter.

“A Grayson never backs out of a deal” Amanda smiled slightly. “I am willing, if you are.”

“Very well.” Sarek offered her a bow as he preceded her into the house. Amanda squashed a laugh as she followed him. She had automatically fell in three paces behind Sarek, as required of a wife by tradition.

Sarek glancing over his shoulder raised an eyebrow. Amanda hastily schooled her expression into dignified calm that caused a quizzical gleam to appear in Sarek's eyes. It was too much; the laugh became a giggle.

“Something amuses you?” Sarek raised an eyebrow puzzled by her sudden laughter.

“Just a thought, nothing important,” she managed in between giggles.

The eyebrow climbed even further as Sarek passed through the door into the garden.

Amanda was still chortling as Sarek waited for her on the bench curtained by an arbour of roses. Amanda took a deep breath. The scent was heady, redolent of memories. All of a sudden she was back on Earth, in the heart of Vulcan.

“They're beautiful,” she sighed settling down next to him.

“Yes.” Sarek caressed a soft pink petal. “Do you grow roses too?”

“I used to, before I was appointed to the High Council.” Amanda took in another deep breath. “I'm afraid my duties there caused me to rather neglect my garden. Fortunately, a student at the Academy looked after them for me.”

“A great achievement for a human,” Sarek said.

“What a council position or growing roses on Vulcan?” Amanda smiled at him. Now that they were alone, surrounded by roses her body was all too aware of Sarek's physical presence.

“Both,” Sarek replied, studying her. “Are you composed enough now?”

Amanda swallowed, trying to remind her libido that she was not here for a tryst. “Give me a minute or two.”

Amanda closed her eyes, trying to ignore the heat of his presence beside her. The wild racing of her pulse slowed as she called upon the disciplines she had learnt in a different time and place. She let out a long breath as calm settled around her, sealing her off from thought and sensation.

“I am ready,” Amanda announced her eyes and face serene as she turned to Sarek.

The touch of his fingers against her cheek almost shattered the peace she had found. Amanda concentrated on relaxing, opening up to him as a flower opens up to the sun.

His voice was soft, soothing almost hypnotic as he intoned the familiar mantra. The phrasing sounded less stilted in Vulcan than Standard. Amanda relaxed allowing his mind to enter hers as he explored the memories she opened up to him. Her own mind was flooded with images and sensations as Sarek shared his own memories of the Amanda of this universe. Amanda lost all track of time there was only the world inside their united minds.

“Amanda.” Sarek's voice was sharp, edged with concern.

Amanda blinked as his face came back into focus. She wiped her wet cheeks as she realised that part of the blurriness had been caused by tears.

“I'm all right,” Amanda said giving him a watery smile. “I think.”

“You did not respond at first when I broke the meld.” Sarek frowned slightly. “And you were crying.”

“I know. Oh Sarek, you loved her so much.” She dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve.

“As you also loved Sarek,” he said softly.

Realising he'd used the past tense, a strong wave of guilt washed over Amanda. That was a drawback to the meld she hadn't considered. Mind melds were sometimes all too revealing of thoughts and feelings that the recipient had hidden from themselves.

“Don't you feel disloyal though, for…for liking me?” Amanda swallowed she couldn't bring herself to say love, even though she now knew that what Sarek felt for her far transcended ‘like’.

Sarek stared at her for a long moment. “Such thoughts are illogical. I esteemed Amanda greatly. I have come to regard you as highly. Not just because you bear her name, or for any resemblance you may have to her, but for who you are.”

Amanda closed her eyes as her heart leapt at Sarek's declaration. She wasn't sure why he didn't use the word love but she was fully aware of the depth of his emotion.

“Amanda, is it not time that you acknowledged our bond?” Sarek asked.

Amanda's eyes flew open. It was more than just acceptance he was asking for. Could she really give up all hope for a reunion with her husband? She stared into Sarek's eyes as her heart answered immediately in the affirmative. Her mind was more reluctant to let go, but she found her lips forming the word, “Yes.”

Although his face didn't change, Sarek's eyes lit with joy. He rose from the bench and bowed gravely to her. “You do me much honour, Amanda.”

His formality caused her to smile. After what they had shared it seemed almost out of place.

“Of course you do know we are both on the rebound?” she joked, endeavouring for a lighter tone.

Sarek raised an eyebrow. “Then I would say that we are both very resilient.”

Amanda blinked; Sarek's face was perfectly solemn. Only the twinkle in his eyes told her he was also aware of the pun he had just made. Amanda smile turned into a laugh.

Sarek drew her to her feet. “To seal our agreement.” His lips came down on hers, silencing her laughter.

Amanda clung to him as the touch of his body awakened a fire within her. Suddenly, she wasn't amused any more. She twined her arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss, drawing her against him. Her body burned under the caress of his fingers as they moved down her spine. “Sarek!” she moaned in frustration as he stepped back.

“It would not be seemly to continue,” Sarek said, smoothing his hair back into place.

“Oh, an intense meld is fine, but not physical intimacy!” Amanda snapped, frustration adding an extra edge to her voice. ”Vulcans! We're both adults and its not as if we need worry about accidental pregnancy!”

“I was referring to the fact we were in the garden.” Sarek smiled slightly as he stepped further away from her.

“Sarek, one of these days that sense of humour is going to be the death of you,” Amanda promised as she followed him into the house.

He turned and kissed her at the top of the stairs. Amanda returned the kiss passionately. His teasing hadn't damped her ardour at all. In fact it seemed to have added fuel to the flames licking along her nerve endings. Any remaining doubts had fled the moments their lips touched. Amanda pushed herself against him, trying to get as close as possible, in spite of the robes covering them. Sarek swept her into his arms. Amanda gasped and entwined her hands behind his neck. She kissed him fiercely as desire pooled into liquid fire coursing through her body.

Aduna Sarek’s mind touch was as passionate as his kiss.

Amanda gasped as the fire became a conflagration. She had lost any ability to think. All she was aware of was Sarek's touch on her body and in her mind. Robes soon littered the hallway to the bedroom, some slightly torn in their haste to remove them. Sarek was surprised at the fierceness of her desire, it was almost as if Amanda was in the throes of pon farr.

Amanda moaned as his hand caressed the sensitive skin of her breast. Her body had ached for his touch in her dreams; the reality far surpassed the fantasy. Liquid fire lapped at her skin, igniting the desire burning within her. She wanted to feel him deep inside her, pouring himself into her.

Soon, aduna, soon, Sarek's voice promised, like soft velvet brushing down her spine.

Amanda groaned again as she shivered in anticipation.

Sarek lifted her in his arms and carried her over to the bed. Instead of granting her wish immediately, Sarek began to kiss her, starting with her eyes and then her lips. He worked his way slowly down her body. Soon she was writhing on the bed wordlessly pleading for release. Just when she thought she would expire from sheer frustration, Sarek claimed her with a thrust in body and mind. Amanda closed her eyes as she was borne upwards by wave after wave of passion until her mind exploded with light and fire.

She came to in Sarek's arms. He was regarding her with some fascination.

“Will that happen every time we satisfy your physical needs?” Sarek asked curiously.

“Oh, I hope so.” Amanda purred as she snuggled into him. “I can't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday.”

“Then you will not require dinner?”

Her stomach growled at the reminder. Amanda dissolved into giggles. Sarek raised an eyebrow, which only caused her to laugh even more.

“As you appear to have regained your appetite, I will prepare you something to eat.” Sarek climbed out of bed. For a moment he looked about the room before taking a fresh robe from the closet. Amanda smiled smugly as she stretched on the bed. It must have been good to distract Sarek enough he had not remembered where he had put his clothes.

Chapter 10

Amanda smoothed the folds of the soft silken robe, admiring the feel of the pale blue material. The symbols adorning the panels on the front were both familiar and strange to her. They were almost the same as the symbols she had worn on the robe for her first bonding ceremony. Their meaning spoke volumes. The Sarek of this world had decided to publicly acknowledge her as his bondmate.

“Sarek!” She frowned at him. “Why didn't you tell me you were going to do this?”

“I do not understand.” Sarek raised an eyebrow. “You are aware of our customs. It is normal after a bond has been made.”

“It would have been nice if you had warned me first,” Amanda hissed between closed teeth.

The corridor of the old family fortress seemed to stretch for miles. At the other end was a room full of Sarek's relatives. Why couldn't the exasperating Vulcan have told her this was going to happen? Yes, she had expected a formal announcement. However, she had wished she'd been given a little more time to prepare herself to meet them!

The first she had known of it was the morning following her birthday. Sarek had presented her with the robes and bade her change. She shot another glare at him. Her body still ached in a most delightful manner and she was certain her mental shields were shot to pieces.

“Your shields are acceptable,” Sarek assured her, “though, you do seem to be projecting...irritation.”

”Sarek, I've had next to no sleep, hell you didn't even have any coffee! I have a right to be annoyed by you springing such a surprise on me!”

Sarek halted. “I had a call from T'Pau. She wished to meet you. She even sent the robes for you to wear. It is a little... difficult to refuse her.”

“Oh.” Amanda sighed as her ire cooled. “So we both didn't have a choice.”

“I will apologise for the lack of proper refreshment, however. It is not the mark of a good host to leave a guest unsatisfied.”

Amanda found herself colouring, the night before certainly hadn't left her like that at all.

“I didn't know you had so many relatives. Will Silek and T'Peira be there?”

“Yes, though the children will not be present at this time. It is not customary.”

“Pity, Serak would have livened up the proceedings.” Amanda smoothed the folds of the robes again.

Sarek, watching her fingers tremble slightly, had no trouble sensing how nervous Amanda was. Aduna, you will be fine. Sarek's mind touch soothed her.

Amanda smiled at him as she sensed the gentle support and encouragement that went along with the words. The bond between them was the only reason she had agreed to the meeting.

Amanda closed her eyes as she tried to compose herself for the confrontation that was about to take place. She could feel the thrum of awareness that linked her to Sarek. His physical presence was solid and comforting at her side. He gave her the strength to face anything, even his relatives. In her world Sarek did not have so many relations. The ones they did have in common, she found harder to cope with. The faces and voices made them strangers when they should have been familiar. In what still felt like a Looking Glass world at times, Sarek was her lifeline. With a final smile at him, Amanda schooled her features into a more acceptable, serene mask. Together they stepped through the door as it swung open.