Title: Act of Desperation
Author: Bert (AKA T'Ryl)
E-mail: robertaclark@buckeye-express.com
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sa/Ch

Summary: Christine finds out too late that a certain Vulcan cared more than he professed.

Setting: The time between ST-III TSFS & ST-IV TVH. New Earth Emergency Chief Commander Christine Chapel is visited by Ambassador Sarek with a sealed hand-written letter from his deceased son Spock. 

Disclaimer: Trek never has nor ever will belong to me. They are the property of Paramount/Viacom.


Newly promoted Commander Christine Chapel stared at the vidscreen in her private office. Out of all those she left behind Spock shouldn't have been the first to die. He was Vulcan after all, even with his unseen human frailties.  It was so like him, though, to do what he must to save lives of others. Yet no tears could be shed for the love that never was. Those tears had been used up years ago.

Grief for her must be short lived though. She had responsibilities. A new agenda in life nothing would detour. Remaining free helped her climb the ladder to where she stood today. This rung though was full of someone else's mess. She looked at the stack of paper work she had in front of her. Rather than reaching for one, she reached for the bottle of Saurian brandy. Instead of pouring it into a glass, she took a mouthful of the fiery liquid.

The sound of the vibrating bottle resonated as she dropped it back onto the desk. Her hand reached for the first report it came to. With a sigh she scanned a report that had been grandfathered into her administration. A new mutated form of a past deadly disease threatened Earth. She looked at the title of the report, remembering what she had learned about it: AIDS - the Silent Killer. By the time they found a treatment, that worked, it wiped out over a fourth of the world's population. Now she was faced with a mutated form that was unresponsive to all know medical treatments. As much as current technology understood about micro-genetics, they still could not stop this deadly problem. At least medical technology was at a point it could be caught early. So far out of a population of more then 50 billion, only 1000 had contracted the deadly disease. Still that was too many lives to be lost, if it could be prevented.

Again her eyes drifted to the vidpic of Spock. How could they expect her to work? She couldn't even think. The only thoughts she had were light years away floating in space. They had never had any form of relationship other than a few forced issues both regretted. "Damn," she said to the empty room. At the same time realizing a small part of her still loved Spock. Now there was a feeling of what could have been and a regret of what never was. It was the feelings for him that allowed her to grow past the feelings she harboured for Roger. At least Roger had proclaimed to return her love.

Again she reached for the Saurian brandy, taking a long gulp. Tonight she needed something to calm her nerves. She really wanted to concentrate on nothing but her work. She had far too much to do and not much time to do it in.  Less than eighteen hours from now she had a meeting with a group of scientist to see what could be done about the problem.

A buzz at her office door, in mid-drink, caused some of the beverage to trickle into the trachea. Her voice sputtered as she called out for the person to just go away. She was in no mood to face anyone. It was bad enough she was here so late, trying to clean up the mess she inherited. She was in no mood for company.

Instead the door opened. Without looking up, Christine asked in a demanding tone, "What the hell?" She wasn't much for cursing but she was tired, depressed, and rather drunk.

"Commander Chapel, may I first offer my congratulations." A tall hooded figure stated.

"Sp…Spock?" she asked confused. Surely, this was a figure of her intoxicated imagination. Spock was dead but his voice spoke to her.

Slowly the hood dropped from the head of the stranger, revealing the face of an aged Ambassador Sarek. "I can assure you I am not Spock."

Christine wasn't quite sure how to react, stand and salute or just remain as she was. She chose to stand placing her hands carefully behind her back, posing herself the same manner she saw Spock do during the few times Sarek visited the Enterprise. "How can I help you, Ambassador?"

Sarek looked from her to the bottle she knocked over as she rose from her seat. The distinct smell of Saurian Brady made its way to his nostrils. He knew from personal experience the thick beverage hit hard and fast. "Perhaps it is I who should ask if you need assistance."

Her eyes followed his to the over turned bottle. She hadn't realized it fell over.  "Ambassador, sir?" She wasn't sure exactly why he was here, which left her confused. As far as she knew Spock never talked about her to anyone. After all what the hell was there to talk about, she was never anything to him.

He moved into the room closer to her. He stopped a moment by the image of his son on her vidscreen. Perhaps now this mystery would make some sense. "I have come on behalf of my son."

She looked at him. He was close enough now to smell the spicy aroma of the Vulcan body.  NO, she was not getting lost again in that scent that very scent is part of what attracted her so to Spock. This was a married man. He was married to a woman she respected greatly. Christine stumbled for her words, "I... see... then. Please have a seat," preferably, as far away as possible.

Sarek nodded and took the chair closest to her. "When Spock returned to Vulcan, to undergo the Kolinahr discipline, he left this in his room." He handed her a small hand written sealed letter with her name on it. A letter found when Amanda was going through his belongings, during her mourning process. "My wife, Amanda, found this among Spock's belongings."

Christine looked at the letter as though it could burn her finger at the very touch. Her curiosity won out in the end though. She reached for and took the small letter. Carefully, she opened the golden seal, unfolded it, and began to read. 'Christine,' not Nurse or Doctor Chapel, 'Were I human, I would have found the right words to express my thoughts of you. Instead I must borrow from another.' A small poem rested below, placed there in Spock's handwriting.

'A Heart Of Stone
Author: Unknown

Once I had a heart of stone
For it had surely lost its home
It could not love or wanted too
But in my life, then came you.

The stones began to fall away
As happiness began to fill my day
A feeling so sweet and special too
Could this be love, I pray it's true.

My heart now sings a song of love
For I know that it was sent from above
My heart is warm, there is no cold
Hard no more, but with wings of gold.

It soars above the sky so high
Sometimes I think of why and cry
My heart now sings a loving song
For the part of me I thought was gone.'

Christine looked up, pure confusion shown in her eyes. He never loved her? Why this? Why now? Tears broke free of the corners of her eyes and trickled down her face. Her hand loosened the grip on the letter and it drifted softly onto the desk, floating on the pool of liquid still on her desk.

Sarek glanced at the distorting words on the page. Words scripted by his son's hand. Right now, all had been lost. His son was dead, never to return to this world. All that could possibly remain was the chance his katra was in another. Desperation had brought him to Earth, both Amanda's and his. Their son was possibility forever lost. Battling his own grief he looked up to see the tears stream from Christine's eyes. "I have caused you pain. I ask forgiveness, it was not my intention. I often find logic fails one in the mist of grief."

Christine stared at him through thick brown lashes. A slight smile sprung upon her face.  "No, Sarek, it is not your fault." She took a deep breath. She couldn't believe she was about to tell Sarek this. "I loved him, but he never openly returned that love."  She looked at the now illegible letter. "Or I thought he didn't."

"Vulcans are taught not to show emotions. It does not mean we do not feel them in our own fashion," he conveyed, not sure if his words would offer help or pain. "Spock felt the need to surpass even the levels of unemotionalism I, myself, have failed in."

Christine looked at Sarek; it was most odd for a Vulcan to admit he had emotions. Surely, he must though, how else could he keep a human wife for so long? "Then what was it? What was it about me that caused Spock to turn on his heels?" Her legs began to flutter under her as she realized the added stress combined with the lack of sleep and intoxication was beginning to have an effect on her. With an almost audible thud she dropped into the chair; all her energy now drained. "I think this is where I need to end this conversation." All she could think of now was getting home to sleep.

Sarek took note of the paleness that came over her face. He knew it unwise to leave her alone in such a condition. Humans were relatively frail when it came to external impacts on the body. "Perhaps logic would better suggest I remove you to your personal residence." It was less then a command, but more then what could be looked upon as a plea. Something told him, this woman held some answers to Spock's life. Information he was curious to ascertain.

"Yes, maybe I should go home. I don't need the help though." She stood and moved a few feet and dropped to her knees in a state of weakness.

Sarek moved to her quickly, lifting her from the ground, ignoring the mental barrage her mind threw at him. "I reiterate, it would be wise to take you home."

This time she had no argument. She was tired and now she was sure she was beginning to feel slightly feverish. "Okay, Ambassador, I'll allow you to take me home." She pulled away from Sarek in attempts to walk on her own. Regrettably, her attempts failed and she faltered once again. "Oh, this isn't going to work," she grumbled. She really didn't want Sarek to assist her through the building, even if the only ones there were guards.

After Sarek again took hold of the Commander he felt unusual warmth at the area his skin touched hers. The same form of warmth Amanda use to bring upon him during her ovulation cycle. Instinct told him to retract his hand before too much of the progesterone affected him; it was a little known fact the higher levels of progesterone the ovulating human pumped into her system had a sexual impact on Vulcans.  However, logic told him if he did so, the Commander would not make it to her home safely. It was clear she was intoxicated and in a state of mental shock. With the decision to aid her, he could only hope she would not have the same sexual effect upon him as did his wife. During the first years of their marriage, when her levels came to their highest, he was influenced quite often; there were times he had to literally have no physical contact with her whatsoever.

As he gathered Christine in closer, for her own stability, he was overcome with her aroma. Desperately, he tried to ignore the sexual affect she was having upon him.

When she looked at him, she thought it was just her eyes that saw a strange passion in his features. It wasn't until he turned her planting his lips to hers, that she felt his aroused state. Their bodied formed together so nicely. Suddenly, she too was overcome with desires of her own, thoughts of her tired body all but forgotten. "Oh God, forgive me but I want you, Sarek."

His normally stable voice came out in a spill of desire. "As I you." He again closed his eyes trying to fight the thoughts that ran through his head. He was bonded; his wife was already in enough pain. Nevertheless, his body needed right now.

Right there, two bodies found themselves lost in the heat of passion. Clothing was thrown through out the office and the massive desk cleared of all its normal belongings. The only thing two beings cared about were filling their utter needs. 

-~-

Christine awoke in her own bed. Her head pounding from the drunken stupor she must have had the night before. All she recalled of the night was reading the report on the ill-fated Enterprise and then Sarek coming about something. After that she drew a complete blank. This was simply not like her, she didn't black out. She looked at the chronometer beside her bed - 1:47 pm. She overslept by a good four hours. 

After sitting at the edge of the bed and taking in some of Dr. McCoy's famous hang over medication, she stood. She could still make her 2:30 pm meeting if she forgot about the shower and just washed up. Rushing into the bathroom she looked at her face or more her neck where a purplish bite mark made itself known. "How the hell?" she asked as she played with the small blotch.

Her mind fought hard to remember what transpired that night. Bits and pieces flashed through her mind. A memory of being bent over a desk while a man took complete control over her body, flashed in her mind. Her first thought was one of rape but that didn't feel right. Whoever she had sex with, she just knew she wanted it just as much as the man did. In some ways she felt she needed it.

Her mind traveled to the few men she dated: Marc was far too private to make love in her office, and Len, well Len was no where near Earth at the moment. Nevertheless, it had to be one of those two. She was not the type to sleep with just any tall, dark, and handsome stranger, so it had to be one of them.

Christine decided after her meeting, she would contact both of the men to test them on what they were doing last night. One of them was bound to tell her about the passionate night she was sure she had. Her loins still tingled with the thought of a repeat performance. A thought that was both exciting and frustrating. She was sure whomever 'rocked her world' had done it better than any other man before him.

She looked in the mirror once again, "Teach you to get so smashed you can't even remember the best sex you have ever had."

Just as she moved to throw her nightgown in the laundry, she noticed a man's sock. Not just any sock but one that had the markings of Vulcan encrusted upon the toes. "Oh, how curious," she said as she lifted it out of the basket. So her mystery lover was a…

Her mind stopped dead in mid-thought. What she was thinking simply was not possible. There was no way Sarek could be her astonishing lover. He was married after all. Even as she thought his name her thighs fired with anticipation. "Shit!"

She had been many things in her life, but she had NEVER been so desperate to fall into bed with a married man. To her fuzzy memory they hadn't even shared a bed, only a desk in her office. Yet his sock was in her laundry.

With vigor she splashed water on her face. She hoped, beyond all hope, the cool water would wake her from her nightmare.  What could have possessed her, or him for that matter, to engage in such a blinding act of desperation? Something out of the unordinary must have occurred for them to go so blindly into heats of unbridled passion.

Now she had no time for investigation. She had a meeting to attend, one she doubted she would get much out of. Her mind was sure to wonder to a certain Vulcan, who for once in her life was not named Spock. Going to her closet she pulled out a uniform and dressed quickly.

-~-

For the first time in her life she found the talk of communicable diseases unstimulating. At different parts of the meeting she had to stop and think about what the question even meant she was being asked. The only questions her mind would even begin to toy with were. 'What happen between her and Sarek?' 'Why would it have happen?', and lastly, 'Where could she find Sarek to talk to him?'

Her answer to her last question came when she reached her office. Sarek sat in the waiting area. His hands neatly folded in his lap before him. She moved over to him. "Am I correct you are here to see me?"

"That would be a logical deduction, Doctor," he said as he rose.

She nodded and waved her hand towards her office door. "We can talk in my office." She tried hard to remain calm when she was falling apart inside.

Christine allowed Sarek to enter the office first and then shut the door behind them. What she wanted to talk about was no one's business but theirs. Sarek, she noted, took the chair directly across from her. "Ambassador, what happen last night?"

"We engaged in sexual intercourse," he said point blank.

She rolled her eyes, "No shit, I figured that much out already." She was in no mood for games. "I mean, Ambassador, why the hell did it happen?" She leaned back in her chair.

"Profanity will not resolve the situation, nor will it negate what happen between us last night," Sarek said as his brow disappeared into his hairline.

She looked at him rather embarrassed, "I am sorry, Ambassador. I get quite boisterous when provoked."

"Or aroused."

Christine about dropped dead as the words came out Sarek's mouth. She blushed even more when she noticed the slight softening to the Vulcan's face. "Okay, we had sex, I understand that part. But now I want to know why?"

"Dr. Chapel, I believe it was your body that activated our coupling last night," Sarek said as he settled in his seat. "As you well know, being a physician, there are hormones humans release at certain points that have a stimulating effect on the Vulcan libido."

"Sure, the hormone progesterone comes to mind." Her heart sank as she thought about the purpose of the hormone in a woman's body. Mentally, she calculated her last cycle. It was very possible her system had released the hormone into her blood stream. Once in the blood stream it could, in theory, be released onto the surface of the sink. Without the proper receptors on the skin it did nothing, however. Unfortunately, Vulcans had the same form of receptors within their skin, whereas humans lacked it. "Spock was saved this very problem in Star Fleet because each female was required to take an injection semi-annually that disrupted the secretion of the hormone in any vase amounts.  It was used as a means of birth control. I can see now where it made working conditions possible for Spock." Without it he would have been nothing more then a male dog, going from female to female he came into physical contact with.

"Yes, I deduced last night it was what took over my ability to remain in a controlled state. It was a familiar feel as it warmed my skin, a feel I felt with my wife while she was still ovulating." He tried to keep his face as neutral as possible, as he added, "it was under one of these conditions our daughter was conceived." The baby lived for a very short time. She had not been as strong as Spock had been.

"Oh, I didn't know Spock had a sister," Christine said as she tried to avoid the route this conversation was going.

"The infant only lived a few hours." He doubted Spock would have even remembered. He had only been three at the time. "Dr. Chapel, I must ask, are you on any form of birth control that does not decrease the levels of progesterone?"

"No Ambassador I am not. I haven't had the need too much and when I do, I normally have my partners wear a condom." She explained as the thought of being impregnated with his child occurred to her.

"Since there were no condoms, I believe it would be safer for you to find out if our interlude produced a pregnancy."

"I will be able to do that in one week. If conception did occur, the levels will be high enough at that point to be read."  She wondered what she was going to do if she did become pregnant.

Sarek stood, "Then I will return within the week" He left the room without looking back.

"Very well, I will be waiting," she told the empty room.

~-~

That time never came for Sarek; Christine received a message the Ambassador was called back to Vulcan, thus making it impossible for her to share the news of his impending parentage.  Perhaps it was a better thing, Christine had no desires to be yesterday's news once word was broken Sarek impregnated her. Not to mention the pain it would cause Amanda. The poor thing had already lost a son she didn't need to take on the fact her husband could have another child with someone else.

As much as it troubled her she injected the morning after medication, which would allow her body to shed the embryo with her normal period. With the Vulcan attributes the embryo would have had to undergo a series of medical procedures that could easily leak to the media, she did not want that for anyone involved. She shed a single tear for the only child she never had.

FIN